


I'm Not Gay

by veronicasanders



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, High School, M/M, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-04-20 21:11:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14269605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veronicasanders/pseuds/veronicasanders
Summary: Shane is a freshman when he moves to the US from Australia. Roy is a senior. And an obnoxious tease, who Shane can't get out of his head...





	1. TOW Shane's Not Gay

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: In this story, Roy is 17 and Shane is 14.

Roy doubles over laughing as Katya continues to imitate Brian’s “O” face, panting like a gorilla.

Alyssa purses her lips. “Y’all need Jesus,” she lectures.

Katya shakes her head. “My mother says that I’m past saving.” She lowers her voice, imitating Mrs. Z’s thick Russian accent perfectly, “Katya you are straight to hell. No hope. I miss you in afterlife.”

“Jesus loves you, Katya!” Alyssa insists.

“Oh my god he does? Did he tell you that? WHAT DID HE SAY SPECIFICALLY? Oh man, he is so hot. Tell him I don’t know if I love him, but we can TOTALLY be friends with benefits!” She makes a vigorous hand job gesture, red lips parted and eyes hooded.

Alyssa pauses and glares at her. “Maybe your mother is right.”

Roy shakes his head, still laughing, and attempts to go back to the sewing machine. Ms. Visage enters the room, a terrified looking blonde kid trailing behind her. He is small, with pink cheeks and a delicate face. Roy wonders how old he is because he looks about twelve right now.

“Guys, we have a new student, who has theatre experience and wants to be part of the play. I told him it’s too late to audition for the show, but that you guys might need help with the costumes. Please be nice to him. He’s only a freshman,” she says, looking pointedly at Katya and repeating, “FRESHMAN.”

Katya bats her eyelashes innocently.

“Shane, stick with Alyssa. She’s the only one here without fangs,” Ms. Visage advises, and exits, patting him on the shoulder.

“So where did you move from?” Roy asks him.

“Brisbane…Australia,” he says softly.

“Ohhh, how very _Grease_.”

Shane laughs. It sounds like bells. “That’s one of my favorite movies!” he exclaims.

“So if you’re Sandy…let’s see, Katya is Marty, the slut…”

“Pleasure. God damn you are a cute little piece,” Katya says.

Roy raises his eyebrows as if to say ‘Told Ya.’ “Alyssa is Frenchie because she’s sweet and friendly, although she’s only ever kissed the back of her hand—“

“Hey!”

“And watch out, because she really wants you to accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior. And Alaska over there is Jan. She’s a total airhead but we love her.” He gestures to a skinny blond teasing a wig up to the Heavens and staring out the window.

“Who are you?” Shane asks, green eyes glittering.

“I’m Rizzo, of course. Head Bitch In Charge. Also known as Roy.”

“Nice to meet you guys.” Shane smiles shyly.

“So Sandy, do you know how to sew?” Roy asks.

“Not…not really.”

“Can you use a glue gun?” asks Alyssa.

“Um…sure. I guess.”

“That means he’s gonna get burned. Respect the glue gun, Sandy,” Roy warns.

“In Soviet Russia, glue guns you!” Katya says, putting on her silliest Russian accent again.

“You’re an idiot,” Roy tells her.

“Shut up, Rizzo.”

Shane giggles. “So, is there anything I can help with? I promised my mum that I would do something after school and I’ve only ever been on stage.”

“He’s the same size as Jinkx, we should use him as a dress form,” says Alyssa, and Katya cracks up at this suggestion.

“Jinkx is the lead in the play,” Roy explains.

“Jinkx is the lead in EVERY play,” Alaska pipes up. There is a slight edge of bitterness in her voice.

“Calm down, Eve. You’ll get your turn,” says Roy.

“Who’s Eve?” asks Alaska.

“Eve Harrington? From _All About Eve_!”

Alaska shakes her head, confused. Alyssa blinks at him, frowning.

“The Bette Davis movie!”

“Isn’t she the one who beat her kids with hangars?” asks Katya.

“THAT’S JOAN CRAWFORD!” Roy screeches. He turns to Shane, “You’ve seen _All About Eve_ , right?”

“Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night!” Shane drawls with a slight slur, sassily swirling an imaginary martini. It is the most perfect Bette Davis impersonation Roy’s ever heard. “And Joan Crawford is ‘DON’T FUCK WITH ME, FELLAS!’”

Roy howls with laughter. “I mean, technically that’s Faye Dunaway, but yes. Oh my god. That was so good.”

Shane starts hamming it up, and widens his eyes dramatically, “CHRISTINAAAAA! BRING. ME. THE AXE!!” he cries.

Roy clutches his sides, gasping. “Oh my god, stop. Yeah, you definitely should have been on stage.”

Shane grins, “So are you Team Joan or Team Bette?” He perches on a stool next to Roy.

“I am…just so happy, that we have another member of the family here, finally. These straight bitches are alright, but they have no sense of culture.”

Shane beams at the compliment, but then re-plays Roy’s words in his head. “Wait…what do you mean by ‘a member of the family’?” he asks.

“Another gay guy. You’d think theatre would be swarming with them, but no. There’s only one other homo and he’s a total weirdo freak.”

“Awww, I like Aaron,” says Alaska.

Shane’s mind reels, hearing Roy’s words over and over. He thinks about the funny feeling he got in his stomach that time Joey kissed Chandler, how he shoved it down and laughed with the rest of his family. The box from a pair of underwear that he inexplicably kept in his drawer for a year. “But I’m not gay,” he says, a slight tremor in his voice, hand on his hip.

Roy looks at him slowly. It takes every fiber of his being not to say “REALLY, QUEEN?” to this pretty boy in his sassy little pose with his angel face and long, luxurious eyelashes, but he remembers that this kid is probably only fourteen. Not everyone is like him, barreling out of the closet before middle school. He smiles kindly, saying, “Sorry, Sandy, my bad. I just assume everyone cool is gay.”

Shane can feel his hands getting sweaty. “Oh, um. That’s okay. I don’t—I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I’m just not…I mean, I just really like girls.”

“Yeah, I bet you’re quite the ladies’ man,” Roy says, his eyes sparkling.

“I do, okay,” Shane mumbles, feeling his cheeks get hot.

“Well, just make note, Katya is a filthy whore and you should steer clear, no matter how hard she begs.”

Katya laughs and flicks her tongue around. “Eh, I don’t know. He’s cute, but after Brian I might be in the mood for some pussy.”

Alyssa crosses herself.

Katya rolls her eyes, “You’re not even Catholic, what the fuck are you doing?”

Roy goes back to work. “So…what kind of girls do you go for, Sandy? Big tits? Long legs? Nice, round apple bottoms?”

Shane blushes harder, stammering, “I…I don’t know, I guess… sort of…petite and cute. A really…really pretty face. A nice tan, too, like they spend a lot of time at the beach. And long blonde hair.”

Roy flashes him a huge smile. “Wow, yeah, Sandy, that sounds like a very sexy girl.” It sounds like he’s describing himself in a wig. Roy is dying at how cute this kid is, how he cringes at the word “sexy.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what my last girlfriend looked like.” No one knows him here. He could have had a girlfriend back home. He bites his lip and looks down, unable to meet Roy’s warm brown eyes any longer. He suddenly hates Roy, and his dimples, and his perfect, shiny hair. And his big hands…his stomach twists into knots and he feels like he’s going to throw up. “Excuse me,” he says, and rushes out of the room, tears pricking his eyes.

There is a moment of silence as the door slams behind him.

“You’re such a douchebag,” says Katya, snickering.

“What?” Roy asks innocently, “I was just making conversation.”

Alyssa pops her tongue, shaking her head.

*****

The next day, Shane gets lost on his way to physics and doesn’t have time to use the bathroom. He wriggles in his seat until he can’t hold it any longer and then jumps up, grabbing the pass and racing down the hall.

Someone rounds the opposite corner and he almost ploughs into him. “Whoa, there, Sandy, take it easy.”

Fuck. Roy. “S-sorry, I just really need to—“

“Yeah, I got it. After you.” He holds the bathroom door open for Shane, who rushes over to a urinal and unzips his fly.

Roy steps up to the urinal farthest away, unzipping leisurely. Shane looks over at him and breathes in a little. The older boy is much bigger than he anticipated. Of course Roy notices, that bastard.

“Hey Sandy, eyes on your own paper.”

Shane closes his eyes, wanting to die. He finishes and zips up, stomping over to the sink.

“You okay?” Roy asks. He stuffs his dick back into his pants and zips his fly.

“I really don’t like it when you call me Sandy! It’s a woman’s name!” Shane’s voice is more shrill than he intended.

“Oh. Okay. I thought you were cool with it. I’m sorry.”

Shane relaxes a little bit. “My name is Shane, by the way. So…yeah. Please…call me Shane.”

“You got it, Shane. And for the record, Sandy can be a guy’s name too. But you know, I won’t use it anymore.”

“Thank you.”

Roy starts to leave the bathroom.

“Hey! Aren’t you gonna wash your hands?”

“My dick is clean, Shane,” Roy says, winking at him.

*****

That afternoon, Shane stands in a t-shirt and underwear, really regretting his decision to be the “dress form,” as Katya helps him into a green gown with a puffy skirt.

“Man, you’d be such a pretty girl,” she says, peering into his face.

“Um…thank you?” Shane mutters, as Alaska zips him up.

“I mean seriously. You’re like…beautiful.”

“I…” Shane begins, unsure of how to continue.

Katya frowns at him. “Now that you’re in the dress, I think you're smaller than Jinkx. Like, your hips, and your butt.” She steps closer to him and reaches around, lifting up the dress in the back. “Lasky, don’t you think Jinkx has a bigger butt than him?”

Alaska snorts. “Definitely.”

“I’m not looking!” cries Alyssa, “But red underwear is an invitation for the devil.”

Shane hates this fucking school. Everyone is working overtime to make him as uncomfortable as possible, all the time. His face burns.

Roy turns around, catching the eyeful of Shane’s perky little butt, covered in red briefs. “Katya, for fuck’s sake, we have her measurements. Leave his ass alone.”

“What’s the fun in that?” she says, giggling, dropping the skirt around him.

Shane breathes a sigh of relief, smoothing down the skirt. The fabric is soft and silky. “So…what now?” he asks.

“Oh, I don’t know. I mean Roy’s right, we have her measurements. I mostly just wanted to see you in your underwear.” She ruffles his hair.

Roy steps up to them. “Well, now that he’s wearing it, we may as well use him to get the hem right. I mean, they are the same height.”

“But she’s gonna be wearing heels,” says Alaska.

“Right!” says Roy, turning to a shelf full of women’s shoes. “Shane, what size are you in women’s shoes?”

“Eight and a half.”

Katya raises an eyebrow at him. “Not your first rodeo, eh tiger?”

“Well…” Shane stammers, “I mean, my mum and I have the same size feet.”

Roy silently hands him a pair of silver heels, not taking the bait.

Shane bends down and attempts to put the shoes on, his balance unsteady.

“Here let me help you,” says Roy, kneeling down. Shane puts a hand on his shoulder as Roy helps him into the first shoe. He fastens the strap, letting his fingers graze Shane’s skin just barely, so Shane isn’t sure if it’s intentional. Shane gets that feeling in the pit of his stomach again and wrenches his foot away, stumbling backwards.

“I can do it!” he says, sitting down on one of the desks and shoving the other shoe on his foot. “See? There.”

He stands, arms crossed. Roy presses his lips together and starts pinning the skirt at the hem.

*****

The next day at lunch, Roy is walking over to his usual table when he spots Shane, sitting by himself. He slides into the bench across from him, flashing him a bright smile, dimples deep in his cheeks.

“Hey, Shane! How’s it going?”

“Fine, thanks,” says Shane.

“Do you mind if I sit here? You don’t have a hot date lined up or anything, do you?”

Shane closes his eyes. Why does Roy do this to him? Why does he get so embarrassed at his dumb questions? He shrugs, willing himself to look nonchalant. “Sit wherever you want.”

“So…how are you enjoying our little school? Classes interesting?”

“I guess.”

“Are people being cool? Any sexy ladies on the horizon? Wouldn’t want you to miss out on all that sweet pussy.” Roy’s eyes twinkle.

Shane puts down his sandwich. “Why do you say things like that to me?”

“Things like what?”

“Things like…” Shane could feel that feeling in his stomach. “…hot dates, sexy ladies, sweet…” He can’t bring himself to even say ‘pussy.’ “I know you don’t care about my love life.”

“I’m just…trying to talk to you on your level. You know, like two totally hetero dudes. Like bros.”

Shane glares at him.

Roy stifles a laugh. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Can I be straight with you? No pun intended.”

Shane huffs, still glaring, but nods slightly.

“I…I think you are pretty much the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, and so I really like messing with you. I’m sorry. I’m a total asshole.”

Shane’s stomach flip flops. Adorable? What does he mean by that? Like a puppy? Like a little kid? His palms feel sweaty and he wipes them on his jeans.

“Can we start over? I promise to stop being a fuckhead.”

“You really think that’s possible?” Shane sasses.

Roy laughs. “I mean, maybe not. I’ve been a fuckhead for a really long time. But I will try my very best.”

“In Australia we say dickhead.”

“Ha! Look at us, already having a meaningful cultural exchange. Elevating our communication.”

Shane grins at him.

*****

In his bedroom later, Shane stands in front of his full length mirror in just his underwear, staring at his reflection. He steps up close and examines his face, Roy’s words echoing in his head. _I think you are pretty much the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen…I think you are…adorable…_

His face is the same face he’s always had. His teeth are straighter since his braces came off. He’s pretty sure that his teeth are not adorable. And anyway, he knows that Roy meant “adorable” like a baby duck, but what if…

_…The most adorable thing I’ve ever seen…_

Shane steps back from the mirror, letting his eyes sweep over his body. His narrow hips, his flat stomach that he desperately wishes was a 6-pack, his skinny, pathetic arms. He attempts to flex his biceps, and scoffs at himself, full of self-loathing. He takes a shaky breath. There’s no way Roy meant anything other than a cute little kid. He feels his eyes fill with tears and wills himself to stop. “Knock it off,” he hisses to his idiot reflection, “you fucking poofter.”

“Shane!” sings a voice from the hallway, “Dinner’s on the table, darling!”

“C-coming, mum! I’m just finishing this…math problem!” he yells back. He brushes away his tears with the back of his hand and quickly pulls his clothes back on. Before he leaves the room, he scowls at his reflection one last time.

*****

The next day in theatre, the girls are out of control, shrieking and giggling and spinning around in pettiskirts. So when Ms. Visage tells them to go get some things from the Wardrobe Loft, Roy quickly volunteers and adds that he’ll take Shane for an extra set of hands.

Shane isn’t sure exactly what “the wardrobe loft” is, when he starts to ascend the ladder. He glances down at one point to make sure Roy is still there, climbing behind him.

“Don’t worry, I got you. I’ll break your fall. I mean I’ll die, but it’ll give some meaning to my sad, miserable life."

Shane snickers.

"...My pitiful, lonely existence.”

“Stop making me laugh!” Shane exclaims.

“Wow, you’re laughing at my despair? That’s really evil. I thought you were a nice person, Shane.”

“I’m serious, if I keep laughing I WILL fall and hurt you.”

“It’s not that far off the ground. At the most I’d twist an ankle. I’d get out of fucking gym class for awhile.”

They reach the top. It’s a small platform packed with racks and racks of costumes. Shane wrinkles his nose, smelling the musty clothes and mothballs and…something else, but it’s not terribly pleasant.

“Welcome to the glamour of the Wardrobe Loft,” Roy says, spreading his arms wide and hitting one hand against a rack. “Ow.”

Shane laughs. “How are we supposed to get stuff down the ladder?”

Roy points to a large basket on a series of pulleys. “It’s a super high-tech system.”

Roy paws through the racks. He finds the section he needs and starts pulling out pieces, tossing them into the basket. Shane watches him concentrating, a tongue pressing into one of his cheeks. “Hey, Roy?”

“Yeah?”

“Um…what did you mean yesterday, when you said…uh…”

Roy looks up at him.

“When you said I was adorable?” Shane stares at his feet. He feels like such a jerk.

“I meant…I mean…that you are adorable. You know, cute.”

Shane looks tense. “Right, but like…cute how? Like…like a small, fuzzy animal?”

Roy studies him. He needs to be very careful here. This boy is so young. But at the same time, he remembers himself at fourteen. Hormones raging, desperate to get off, turned on by a stiff breeze. He’s surprised his parents didn’t ship him to a zoo. The three years separating them feel like an eternity. And yet…he is so fucking cute. And nervous. And how would rejection help him? That could scar him for life, Roy tells himself, aware that he’s being entirely self-serving.

“You know what, never mind, sorry I brought it up.” Shane clenches his fists.

Roy steps closer to him. “Shane…”

“I’m serious, just ignore me! Forget I said anything, it was dumb.”

“Adorable…cute…attractive…sexy…”

Roy is now so close that Shane can feel the heat radiating off his body. His heart races. Roy cups his chin in one of his hands, tilting his face up. What is he doing? Oh, god. Shane thinks he should tell him to stop, but part of him is just so curious…His fingers itch.

Suddenly there are warm lips on his. Shane’s mind reels. Is his breath okay? Where is he supposed to put his hands? Is Roy just doing this out of pity? _Oh my god, is that his TONGUE?_ One of Roy’s hands strokes his hair. The other hand slides around to Shane’s back, pulling him close. 

Shane relaxes into the kiss, hands on Roy’s slender waist, opening his mouth wider so that Roy’s gently probing tongue can get deeper inside. _God, his lips._ Shane feels dizzy and tingling and every nerve in his body crackles with electricity. His pants feel tight and uncomfortable. Roy’s lips trace down his jaw to his neck, and Shane gasps, moaning softly as Roy sucks on the tender flesh of his throat, down his collarbone, and then he’s on his knees, unbuckling Shane’s belt and opening his fly.

Shane’s boner is hard and throbbing, but he still feels conflicted. “Roy, I told you, I’m not gay,” he protests weakly.

Roy slides his underwear down. “Oh, I know, baby. Don’t worry, all the straight guys love it when I do this.”

Shane thinks he might come simply from Roy’s hot breath against his cock. He whimpers, threading his hands through Roy’s hair.

When Roy takes him in his mouth, he practically swoons, gripping Roy’s hair, breath coming quicker, blood rushing through his ears. Roy sucks and licks him, his hands cupping Shane’s ass, gently squeezing. Shane starts thrusting into him, leaning forward, hands tightening into fists.

Roy loves having his hair pulled. For someone as young and seemingly inexperienced as he is, he sure knows how to fuck someone’s face, Roy thinks, as Shane’s hips buck against him, sliding his dick against Roy’s plush lips. He lets Shane’s hands in his hair guide his head, gliding his tongue against his hard cock.

Shane’s breathy moans pick up in speed and intensity as he nears the end. Roy nibbles gently on Shane’s foreskin. “Oh, god, fuck…” he mewls as sparks shoot through his body, making his knees go weak. Roy grasps his ass and takes all of him, down his throat, sucking hungrily at him. Shane lets out another moan and explodes in his mouth.

Roy swallows and continues to swirl his tongue around the tip as Shane rides out the aftershocks, panting and whimpering. Roy strokes the soft skin of his ass, and then, when he can feel his body slumping over, holds onto his hips. He slides his briefs back up, followed by his jeans, zipping his fly, fastening his button, buckling his belt, the whole time pressing soft kisses to his thighs, his hips, his stomach.

Shane puts his hands on Roy’s shoulders, leaning on him for support while he gasps for oxygen. Once his pants are back on, he sinks to his knees, letting Roy wrap him in a tight embrace and kiss his sweaty temples, pulling him into his lap.

“Hey, Roy?”

“Yeah, Shane?”

“I think…I think I might…be gay.”

“No, you?” Roy cradles Shane in his arms, nuzzling his cheeks.

Shane puts his hands around Roy’s neck and looks into his eyes, then leans forward and kisses him, sucking on Roy’s bottom lip. How quickly they learn. “Yeah, I think probably…I mean I still think I’d like to bury my dick in some sweet pussy though. Maybe I’m bi.”

Roy bursts out laughing, nodding and brushing Shane’s silky blond hair from his eyes. “That’s definitely it.”

Shane leans his head against Roy’s shoulder, breathing in deeply, suddenly realizing that mothballs and musty old costumes are the best scents in the entire world.


	2. TOW Shane Won’t Stop Humping Roy All the Damn Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy has his hands full with his new, totally smitten boyfriend. And finds himself growing attached.

Roy climbs down the ladder, stepping onto the ground and then looking up at Shane. He puts a hand on the small of Shane’s back as the younger boy descends the last few rungs. Shane turns around, placing his hands gently on Roy’s chest. “Thanks,” he breathes, batting his long lashes, pressing against him.

Well, damn. Quite a departure from “I’m not gay.” One blow job and suddenly he’s a cat in heat, rubbing against him, biting his lip coquettishly.

Roy has a flash of him on all fours, ass up, and feels a desperate need for a cold shower. Or a punch in the jaw. Which he’s pretty sure Shane’s daddy would be happy to provide him with right about now. “Hey…listen. Someone might see us down here.”

“So?” Shane whispers, eyes glittering, hands sliding up and clasping behind Roy’s neck. He stands on his tiptoes to reach Roy’s lips, pressing their mouths together as Roy stands there, wide-eyed.

Roy’s a team player so his wraps his arms around Shane’s waist and leans into the kiss, letting the sweet young thing grind against him, not caring that he’s gonna have the worst blue balls of his life.

“Uh…what the fuck?”

Roy jumps a foot at Katya’s voice, then turns around slowly. She, Alyssa, and Alaska stand there, gawking at them.

“Wow, Shane, what would you guys be doing if you WERE gay?” Katya teases.

“Shut up, Katya,” Roy says, feeling protective.

“Yeah, leave them alone. I think it’s cuuute,” says Alyssa, clasping her hands together.

Alaska frowns. “So, wait, are you gay or not?”

Shane slips an arm around Roy’s waist and gazes up at him adoringly. “I…am weighing my options,” he says softly.

“Well,” says Alyssa, “either way, remember that Jesus Christ loves you.” She beams at them. Roy looks from her face, to Shane’s, which still has a dreamy expression as if Roy hung the moon, to Katya and Alaska, heads tilted, smiling.

He suddenly realizes that he has a boyfriend. Well, okay.

*****

That night, as Roy stresses over his math notes – NOT his favorite subject – he gets a call on his private extension. Relieved for any kind of distraction, he answers. “Hello?”

“Hello,” answers a soft voice. Shane.

_God, his accent is so cute, even in two-syllable words._

“How’s it going?”

“Alright,” Shane whispers, “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Oh?”

“I mean, truthfully, I have been thinking about you for days, but it used to be because I thought I hated you.”

Roy laughs. “How could you hate me? I’m so loveable.”

“Yeah. Well. I guess I was confused, right?”

“I guess so. Why are you whispering?”

“I’m in the hallway. It’s the only phone upstairs, except for my parents’ room. They're downstairs. I…I don’t want them to hear.”

“I thought you didn’t care who knew?” Roy teases.

Silence.

“Shane…that was a joke. I’m sorry. Obviously you don’t have to tell your parents anything, unless you want to.”

“I just…I don’t know how they’ll react. Australia is different from here.”

“I mean, they might be cool. Everyone loves _Priscilla Queen of the Desert_ , right?”

“Priscilla…who?”

Roy laughs softly. “Nevermind.”

“My dad took me to see _Rocky Horror_ last year. That’s…sorta gay, right?”

“SORTA? That’s very gay, Shane. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Unless…you know, your dad might be gay.”

“My dad is not gay!” Shane hisses.

“Well, then he probably knows you are. I mean, if my kid was gay, I think taking him to see _Rocky Horror_ would be a very sweet way of letting him know I was cool with it.”

Silence again.

“Another joke, Shane.”

“You really think they know?” Shane’s voice is shaky.

Roy closes his eyes. “I…who knows? Maybe?”

“I’m just…I don’t want to talk about my parents anymore.”

“So what do you want to talk about?”

“When can…I mean, could we see each other outside of school? I really…I really want to get to know you better.”

“Like…a movie?”

“Yeah, that, or…you have a car, right?”

_Holy shit._

“Um. Yeah.”

“Maybe we could…drive somewhere…”

“Yeah…okay. Sure.”

“Like maybe tomorrow? It’s Friday. I told my parents that I was gonna go to the football game.”

Roy laughs. “And they believed you?”

“Shut up. I can meet you there…?”

“You got it.”

“Okay, great. I gotta go, bye.”

_Click._

Roy puts his head in his hands, tries to breathe evenly and quiet his heartbeat.

*****

The car comes to a slow stop and Roy pulls the parking break, cutting the headlights. He takes a moment while his eyes adjust to the darkness, then looks over at Shane.

The blonde is already unbuckled, kneeling on the seat, barefoot, staring at him with hooded eyes. Roy leans over and touches his cheek, sliding his fingers into his hair. He pulls him close, kissing him tenderly, wrapping his other hand around his waist. Shane lunges forward into him, tumbling into his lap. He clutches at Roy’s shirt, gripping it in his fists as he kisses him. Roy is slightly dizzy from the intensity.

Shane twists around, pulling one leg up and then, in a move that impresses the fuck out of Roy, swings his leg over so that he’s now straddling him. Roy moans as Shane grinds against him, moving his hands slowly down his body until he’s cupping that tight, perfect ass.

Shane slides his hands up under Roy’s shirt, pulling it over his head, then quickly doing the same with his own. Skin to skin for the first time, at least above the waist, Roy lets his hands wander all over Shane’s torso. Roy wraps them around Shane’s ribcage and uses his thumbs to tease his nipples.

“Ah…OH!” Shane gasps with pleasure. He had no idea his nipples are so sensitive.

Loving the idea that this a new sensation for the boy, Roy lowers his head and lets his tongue swirl around one of Shane’s erect little nipples, while he continues to tease the other one, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger.

Shane continues to dry hump him, increasing to a furious pace. Moaning and bouncing and head rolling around as if his neck muscles have ceased to work. Shane looks into his eyes and tugs at his pants, trying to undo his fly.

But Roy is shockingly close to orgasm, just from this over-the pants-rubbing, so he wants to save that for another time. He moves Shane’s hands to his shoulders, and then grips him by the hips. He holds him down, taking control of the pace and rutting against him, sucking on his neck. Roy comes in his pants, panting and gasping, as Shane strokes his hair, holding his face and kissing him. Roy leans against his shoulder, moving his hands down to his thighs.

Shane bounces some more, whining and pulling at his pants again.

“Sorry, baby,” Roy whispers, “I’m no use to you right now.”

Shane whimpers.

“Get in the backseat,” Roy instructs.

Shane grins and practically dives over the seat, undoing his pants. Roy grabs a bottle of lube from the glove compartment and climbs after him, helping him pull his pants off by the ankles and then pressing him against the door, so that he’s sitting up, legs spread apart. Roy lifts up one of his legs and starts kissing his instep, massaging his heel, letting his tongue lap along his leg to his knee, where he kisses him, then continues north, sucking along his inner thigh, bringing color to the surface of his skin. He glances up to see if he’s enjoying this, and Shane is arched up, palming his dick through his underwear.

Roy pulls Shane’s hand away and nuzzles against the front of his underwear, feeling a wet spot against his face. He kisses him through the thin fabric and Shane cries out, pushing his underwear down and wriggling out of them. Roy decides to toy with him a little and blows gently on him. Shane grabs Roy by the back of the head and tries to push his face down, thrusting up into his mouth.

Roy sits back. “Why are you in such a hurry, baby?” Roy teases, letting his fingers play gently with Shane’s balls but specifically not touching his leaking cock. Roy takes the other hand and lets a few fingers gently stroke the length of him with a feather-light touch, watching Shane’s face as he comes undone, writhing on the seat in unbearable agony.

“Roy…please…please,” Shane begs miserably, his breath hitching, trembling so hard he is practically vibrating.

Roy finally takes pity on his poor throbbing dick and bends down, taking the head in his mouth and sucking hard, using his hand to pump him, as Shane moans in relief. He remembers the reaction he got last time when he used his teeth to stimulate Shane’s foreskin, and tries it again.

“ROYYY!” Shane cries his name out, pulling his own hair, and panting uncontrollably. Roy squeezes some lube into his fingers and gently, slowly inserts one finger inside him, until he cries out. Roy removes his finger and licks Shane’s dick with soft strokes of his tongue. “T-try it again…the thing with your finger…” Shane says shakily, and Roy smiles up at him, pouring a generous amount of lube into his hand and all over his fingers, then sliding his finger in slowly, going in all the way this time. Shane moans. Roy starts sucking on Shane’s dick again, and now Shane his thrusting back and forth, rutting against Roy’s finger and pumping into his mouth. Shane’s ass clenches and unclenches around Roy’s finger and the feel of it is enough that Roy can feel his dick rising again. “More,” Shane pants, “Please Roy, more, more! Please…” He pushes a second finger in and Shane gasps, fucking himself on Roy’s hand in a frenzy, reaching down to grab it and trying to shove Roy’s fingers farther up inside him.

Roy knows exactly what he needs and curls his fingers slightly, moving around inside until Shane’s face confirms that he’s found his prostate. Shane lets out a glorious scream, as Roy continues to hit that spot, over and over, mouth still hovering over his dick, tongue twirling around the tip.

“OH MY FUCK…FUCKING GOD…YES! YES!” Shane thrashes against Roy’s fingers in ecstasy, blowing his load all over Roy’s face and crumbling like a house of cards, limp and whimpering softly. Roy laps up the mess, licking him clean as he continues to tremble.

Roy lays down with him. Because of the tight space, the only place for Roy to be is on top of him, pressing kisses to his face and whispering to him. “Baby, you are so incredible,” Roy says, trailing along his jaw and neck with his tongue, biting his collarbone and sucking the pulse point just below his jaw, careful not to leave any marks like he did on his thighs.

Shane is lying in a haze, eyes shut and breathing in ragged, irregular breaths.

“Everything okay, Shane?”

Shane lifts his arms and sleepily encircles Roy’s neck. “Everything…is amazing,” Shane sighs.

“What time do you have to be back at the game?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that…I told my mum that I’d get a ride home with someone. She’s really happy that I have friends.”

Roy smiles and trails his fingers over Shane’s nipples, earning a shiver of delight. “Me too. So, you tell me when you think we should go.”

“Never,” Shane kisses Roy ardently, his tongue meeting Roy’s and swirling around his mouth. “Never, never, never…”

*****

“Hey, take it easy,” Roy whispers, moving Shane’s hands above his head and pressing them into the carpet, kissing him. “No need to rush.”

They are in Roy’s bedroom, “studying,” as they have told Roy’s parents, after Shane came over for dinner. Roy thinks about Shane at the table, the way he ate his soup by licking it off the spoon. No one else in the family seemed to notice, but Roy thought it looked pornographic. At one point Roy even kicked him gently under the table, earning a devious grin.

The second they descended the steps to Roy’s basement bedroom, Shane pushed Roy down onto the shag carpeting and pounced on him. Roy rolled them over so that he was on top, and that’s when Shane started tugging urgently at Roy’s pants.

Although he can’t deny how much he wants to acquiesce, a part of him still feels a need to hold back. Just because Shane has suddenly turned into a raging nymphomaniac didn’t mean he was any older or more experienced as when he walked into that theatre classroom with his big eyes a week ago. Roy feels like he owes it to the sweet boy to take things slow. Even if it is physically painful…

And even if Shane is pressed up into his crotch, humping him like crazy…

And even if Shane’s pleading green eyes are telling him “yes”…

_Oh, god, this is so fucking hard. Literally._

Roy lets go of Shane’s arms and kisses down his torso, sucking on his stomach as he opens his pants and slides them down, followed by his underwear. He strokes his inner thighs, being very gentle when he sees the line of hickeys, a result of Friday’s adventure.

Shane thrashes below him, desperate for Roy’s touch, unsatisfied with the tender ministrations he is currently providing. “Roy, please. I…I want…I’m ready, I promise. I even…I used this thing from the drug store…”

Roy tries not to laugh. _Baby’s first douche._ It’s sweet and reminds Roy how new all of this really is for Shane, confirming that his decision to wait is the right one. But the way Shane writhes and arches up, Roy knows he has to provide him with some kind of relief. Roy has an idea of what he could do for him, but still hesitates.

Shane grasps at his shirt, pulls on it, and Roy allows him to take it off. Breathing hard, he lifts Shane’s legs and puts them over his shoulders, then moves his hands to Shane’s ass, squeezing it and massaging the cheeks while he continues to lick his thighs. He grabs a pillow off the bed and slides it under Shane’s hips, as Shane opens his legs wider and moans, his head thrown back, one hand in Roy’s hair and the other one playing with himself.

As carefully as possible, Roy flips Shane over, continuing to fondle his ass, kissing each perfect cheek and then spreading them delicately to reveal Shane’s pink rosebud of a hole. He moans audibly looking at it. Shane is now humping the pillow, still assisted by his own hand, and Roy puts his face against the small of his back, sucking along his tailbone before he finally lets himself lick Shane’s hole gently, feeling him start quivering immediately.

Roy begins lightly, licking and swirling his tongue around, Shane’s soft whimpers getting louder as he probes with his tongue. Shane brings his knees forward and raises up onto his forearms, ass pushing up into Roy’s face. Roy reaches around to cradle his balls, his fingers meeting Shane’s, earning a deep guttural moan.

Roy comes up for air for a moment, panting, asking “You like this, baby?”

Shane, breathing so hard he can barely speak, manages a simple “Uhhh huhhh…”

Roy smiles, mouth back on Shane, who spreads his legs wider and arches back, moaning and shuddering.

Later on, when they emerge bleary-eyed from the basement so that Roy can drive Shane home, Roy gets a knowing smirk from one of his sisters, who are piled on the couch in the family room watching _Lois & Clark_.

“Hey, Shane, do they have this show in Australia?” Liz asks, gesturing to the television.

Shane looks up and sees Dean Cain, shirtless, on the screen. His eyes bug out of his head, and Liz snickers, hiding her face against Lynn’s shoulder.

“Guess not. Uh oh, Roy, it looks like you have some competition.”

“Fuck off, Liz!”

“Nice mouth,” says Lynn.

Eddy groans from the floor and shushes all of them. “Can you please be quiet? Lois is about to say something important.”

Roy tugs on Shane’s arm and pulls him out of the room. Shane tears his eyes away from the screen regretfully.

In the car, Roy glances over at Shane. “So…uh…you liked that guy, huh?”

“What guy?”

“The actor…the one who plays Superman.” Roy is gripping the steering wheel a little tighter than he means to.

“Oh, yeah, he was pretty cute,” Shane says. He pauses for a second and smiles. “He looks kind of like you.”

Roy bursts out laughing. “Yeah, maybe if I work out every day for about five years. But thanks.”

Shane gazes at him adoringly. “I think you’re the hottest guy in the whole world,” he says softly.

Roy can feel his heart growing three sizes, like _The Grinch_.

Shane continues, “But I mean, who’s gonna turn down Superman?” He winks impishly, and Roy laughs again.

“Yeah, okay, good point.”

He stops a red light, taking Shane’s hand in his, unable to wipe the huge smile off his face.


	3. TOW Shane’s Thirst is REAL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane gets sex advice from Katya, and then a miracle happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, the book Roy gives to Shane is “The Joy of Gay Sex.” It is real and hilarious. And an updated edition is available on Amazon.   
> Also, I know that most of you are too young to get anything out of the 90s references so feel free to ask me to explain anything. I can be a history teacher as well as a porn provider. ;)

“Okay, so who wants to do what? We need two people to do hair and two for makeup,” Alyssa says, “Any preferences? I would prefer hair.”

Now that the school play is less than a week away, the costumes are mostly done. They have to figure out what they are all going to do once the play starts, since Roy can handle any potential wardrobe issues with two hands tied behind his back. Shane wonders if he would like having his hands tied...

“Hey!” Alyssa snaps her fingers in his face. “Stop daydreaming. Do you have a preference?”

“Ummm…I guess I could do makeup. I think I would be good at that,” Shane says.

“I think you’d be great at WEARING makeup,” says Katya, “with that bone structure…”

“I mean, fine, but don’t do it like yours. I want to be a nice girl, not a whore,” Shane says, giving a signature Alyssa tongue pop for emphasis.

“Really? That’s not what your boyfriend says,” Katya retorts, shoving him playfully, earning a giggle. “But hey, as long as you let me have at those cheekbones, I’ll do whatever you want with them.”

“Okay, so does that mean Alaska and I are doing hair?” Alyssa stands with one hand on her hip, drumming her long fingernails on the desk impatiently.

“Sure, whatever,” says Katya, “and by the way, nice nails. I’ve seen Russian hookers dead in my basement with more innocent looking fingernails.”

“Why are there Russian hookers dead in your basement?” Shane wonders.

“My dad is in the mafia.”

“Y’all! Focus!” Alyssa screeches. “And her dad? Is a dentist.” She ends with a tongue pop.

“Pfft. Like dentists don’t ever kill prostitutes and hide them in the basement? Grow up, Alyssa.” Katya rolls her eyes dramatically.

“I really like your dad,” offers Alaska, “and Alyssa, I’m suuuuuuuper excited about doing hair with you. It’ll be stunning.”

Alyssa perks up. “Okay, great, because I have lots of ideas!” She pulls out a binder full of photos.

Katya shakes her head and pulls Shane by the hand over to the makeup tables, shoving him into a chair. “So glad I didn’t say hair. I dodged a bullet there. Okay, so let me show you the basic natural stage makeup look, and then you can practice on someone else.”

She sits down on a stool and begins rifling through the supplies, finding a base that matches Shane’s skin. She starts rubbing a white sponge in it and then aims for Shane’s face. “Is that stuff clean?” Shane asks.

She spreads the makeup all over his face as she speaks. “Uh, calm down, Princess Grace. You’ll be fine. Worst case scenario, you get conjunctivitis and break out all over and then Roy will never want to touch you again.”

Shane freezes in horror.

Katya laughs. “I’m kidding! Don’t worry. Your ass will still be fine.”

Shane sticks his tongue out at her.

“So sassy,” Katya clucks. “So…speaking of your boyfriend…what’s going on there? You really like him, or you’re just using him for his huge dick?”

“Katya!” Shane is mortified.

“What? I’ve known him since kindergarten. I’ve seen his dick tons of times. Kudos, by the way. Okay, watch in the mirror, now I’m doing your highlights.”

Shane holds up a small mirror so that he can see what she’s doing. “I mean, I really like him. Like, REALLY. But he doesn’t…I don’t know if he feels the same way.” Shane grips the edge of the seat.

“You’re kidding, right? He’s like, crazy about you. I haven’t seen him with a crush this bad since Zack Morris from _Saved by the Bell_.”

Shane laughs. “I mean, no, I know that he likes me. And that he likes…you know, some things about me. But I just don’t know if he wants to…I mean, you know.” Though his face is covered in makeup, Katya can see color creep into his neck and ears.

Katya puts the highlight down and takes Shane’s hand. “Kiddo, with all sincerity, I’m glad. Because if you can’t even say that you want him to fuck you, then you aren’t ready. And he probably knows that.” She goes back to work on his face.

Shane blushes furiously. “Fuck you, Katya. What do you know?”

“Well, I know that it really fucking sucks to have sex before you’re ready. Now I’m doing the contour, pay attention.”

Shane fumes, glaring at her. She sighs.

“You think everyone was calling me a whore when I was in junior high? No. I was ‘Katya, the honor student’ and ‘Katya, the amazing artist’ and ‘Katya, the funny chick in my math class.’ And then I have sex once my freshman year, and by the way, I didn’t even like it, and that boy and I broke up a week later. But all of a sudden it’s my entire identity. And at some point, I started playing into it, because it’s easier than fighting it. But guess what? I still get straight As, and I still draw and paint, and I still think I’m pretty fucking funny.”

Shane is quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? Calling me a whore, or turning red as a beet at the mere mention of sex?”

“The…first one. And for the record, I think you _are_ really funny.”

Katya smiles. “Thanks. Sorry for getting deep with you. And look, if you really do want to have sex, that’s fine. But you shouldn’t just do it because you think you’re supposed to. And you have to be able to SAY IT for Christ’s sake. You can’t be too embarrassed to say what you want, what you don’t like…you get me?”

Shane nods and she picks up a clean sponge.

“Okay! Now we blend!”

Roy enters the room, loaded down with dresses, and dumps them on the sewing table. He walks over to Katya and Shane. “Bitch, what the fuck are you doing to my boyfriend?”

“I’m making him real pretty for you.”

“He’s already pretty enough.” Roy bends down and kisses Shane on the top of his head, lingering a little to inhale the scent, like grapefruit and oranges, and then stands up, playing with his hair. Shane glances up at him adoringly, and then hooks two fingers into his back pocket.

Katya turns around and finds some powder and a giant puff. “Okay, you’re gonna want to close your eyes and mouth for this part.” As Shane closes his eyes, she turns to Roy, slapping the powder puff all over Shane’s face, “Not something he ever hears you say, eh?”

“Jesus, Katya,” says Roy, rolling his eyes and walking away, muttering, “Filthy slut.”

Shane opens one eye to see if Katya is okay. She winks at him. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”

Twenty minutes later, Katya is putting the finishing touch on Shane’s face…a shell pink lip gloss.

“My cousin in Philly always says you should color match your butthole for the best natural lip color. Since I’ve never seen your butthole…I just took a wild guess. Okay! Done.”

Shane looks at his face in the mirror, shocked. He really IS a pretty girl! It’s an almost out of body experience. He touches his cheek.

“Oh my god, I am a fucking ARTIST,” Katya boasts. She turns Shane’s chair so that he’s facing the room. “Guys, look at this beautiful creature.”

“Holy…” Alyssa gapes. “Wow, forget Roy. With that face, you could get any guy you want.”

Roy says nothing, but raises a middle finger at Alyssa from the sewing machine.

“With that face, he could start a WAR,” says Katya proudly.

Shane giggles self-consciously. “Okay, but since I do want Roy, can we wash this off? I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want a girlfriend.”

“Accurate!” Roy calls.

“Already?” Alaska asks, walking over with a blonde wig. “I thought we could really complete the look. What do you think?” she holds it up for him. It’s long and shiny with soft curls.

Shane glances from the mirror to the wig, and then nods, cracking a smile. The girls squeal happily and five minutes later, Shane is in a short sparkly dress, four inch heels, and tossing that blond wig around. He prances around the room, singing “Don’t Tell Mama” from _Cabaret_.

“Oh my god!” squeals Alyssa, clapping her hands, “We’re doing _Sound of Music_ in the Spring. You should totally audition for Liesl. You’d be so good!”

Alaska groans, “Great, all we need. More competition for the female parts.”

Roy looks up from his sewing machine. “Quit trying to turn my boyfriend into a girl, bitches.”

Shane struts over to him, pursing his lips, and grabs him by the collar. “Don’t you think I’m sexy?” he says, raising the pitch of his voice and speaking very breathily. Very Marilyn Monroe. Or Madonna on _Erotica_.

“It scares me how good you are at this,” Roy admits. “And yeah, you’re sexy.”

Shane giggles and shakes his ass, rubbing it with his hands, bending over, loving the way Roy’s jaw goes slack looking at him.

*****

In bed that night, Shane can’t get what Katya said out of his mind. _If you can’t even say that you want him to fuck you, then you aren’t ready._ _And he probably knows that._

Shane closes his eyes and pictures Roy. He’s seen him without a shirt, but so far the only glance he’s had of his dick is that one time in the bathroom. He has tried to undo his jeans so many times, but Roy always stops him. Is it really because of Shane’s inability to talk about sex? Shane thinks that he’s made it pretty clear what he wants. He is certainly not QUIET when they are together. And he’s been very clear every time he prepped himself. But besides pulling at Roy’s zipper and whining, he hasn’t really said anything explicit.

Shane palms himself over his pajama bottoms, imagining Roy’s big hands touching him, his full lips trailing down his collarbone and tongue against his nipple. Shane didn’t even know that his nipples could be that sensitive until the first time Roy touched them. His penis is now hard, and he feels the familiar throb.

He whimpers slightly and opens his bedside table, grabbing a bottle of lotion and squeezing it into his hands. He didn’t know how good lubrication felt until Roy showed him, and now he can’t get enough. He slips his hand into his underpants, spreading it over the shaft of his dick and then stroking, wishing it was Roy’s hands around him. He knows he wants Roy, he needs Roy, he’s desperate for Roy, and so he needs to start getting comfortable talking about sex.

_Roy, I want to have sex with you…ugh, that sounds dumb…Roy, I want…I want you, to…Roy, I’m ready to take the next step…_

He wrinkles his nose, hand still working rhythmically. Roy deserves a better invitation than a _90210_ character. Roy is fucking sexy. So…fucking…Shane imagines Roy on top of him, their bodies pressed together, grasping his hair by the handful…

“Roy…fuck me,” he whispers, tasting the words on his tongue, “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me…”

His hand is now pumping at a rapid pace, the drops that have leaked onto his hand providing even more lubrication for him to go faster. He takes two fingers and pushes them inside his ass, shoving them in as deep as he can until he hits that spot…thinking about Roy inside him, thrusting into that spot over and over…

“Oh…oh god…” he pants and turns his head to the side, biting his pillow to stop from screaming as his orgasm tears through his body. He shudders and gasps, loosening his grip on his dick but still pushing against his fingers, grunting and whimpering. When his body finally stills, he slides his underwear off, tossing them to the floor, pulling his pajamas back on.

He curls into a ball, his heart still beating fast, trying desperately to calm his breathing, his own voice echoing in his mind. _Fuck me…fuck me…fuck me…_

*****

A few days later, Shane wins the lottery.

Well, not exactly. But Shane can’t imagine any scenario that would make him more ecstatically happy then what his mother tells him.

“Darling, Dad and I have to go to that conference in Atlanta this weekend. I know you’re quite grown-up, and your dad thinks you can stay all by yourself. But I would feel much more comfortable if you had a friend to keep you company. Is there anyone you can ask? Maybe that nice boy who has been giving you rides? The one who had you over for dinner?”

Shane can almost feel his eyes roll back into his head as his vision blurs. He feels mildly guilty for knowing that Mum’s innocent suggestion is going to lead to him finally getting the pounding he’s been craving, but the guilt is washed away the second he thinks about Roy’s cock filling him up. His heart races, as he does his best to keep his face neutral.

“Uh…yeah, I can ask.”

“Wonderful,” she says, kissing his forehead, and then laying a hand on it. “You feel a little feverish, love, are you alright?”

Shane nods his head. “Yeah, I, uh…I was just doing some sit-ups. And…star jumps. I heard that exercise in the morning helps…get your blood flowing.”

His mother laughs gently. “Ok, darling, but make sure to stay hydrated.”

 _Good advice, Mum._ Shane plans to stock up on Gatorade before the week is through.

 *****

“Guess who?” Shane stands behinds Roy’s chair, his hands covering his eyes. He kisses the back of his neck softly.

“Uhhh…Leonardo DiCaprio?” Roy guesses.

Roy opens his eyes and turns around. Shane stands with a hand on his hip, cheeks still flushed from wanking in a bathroom stall minutes before. “Just me. Disappointed?”

Roy pulls Shane into his lap and nuzzles his face. “Totally.”

Shane revels in Roy’s affection. “So…I had a pretty…interesting morning.”

“Really? Do tell.”

“Mum told me that she and Dad are going away for the weekend.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, and they don’t think I should stay in the house all by myself. So she suggested I invite you to…uh…keep me company.”

“Your mother…wants me to sleep over at your house with you this weekend?”

“Uh huh,” Shane’s eyes shine as he bounces gently on Roy’s lap. “So are you free?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I have to check my calendar,” he teases, “FUCK yes I’m free.”

Shane smirks mischievously at him, and then leans in and whispers in his ear, “Be prepared, because I’m gonna want you to fuck me all night.”

Roy is practically blind from the searing passion that shoots through his body. He wonders if it’s possible to die from being turned on this much. His cock throbs so hard he thinks it might burst out of his pants.

Shane winks at him and hops off his lap. “Talk you ya later!”

Roy groans, wondering how in the hell he’s gonna get through the next five days.

*****

Shane concentrates, his tongue poking out of his mouth, as he tries to keep his hand steady, applying liquid eyeliner to Katya’s eyes. He steps back to examine his work, impressed with how well he did.

Roy walks by, putting a hand on Shane’s shoulder. “Wow, good job, Shane, she only looks moderately like a cheap hooker right now.”

Shane laughs as Katya grabs at Roy’s crotch. “Thanks Roy, and how’s your dick today?”

Roy dodges her hand. “Swell, thanks, how’s your pussy?”

“Not great. Oozing blood at the moment.”

“OH MY GOD CAN YOU PLEASE STOP!” Alyssa screeches, covering her ears. “Can y’all EVER just have a normal conversation?”

“Alyssa, you are so self-righteous. Why do you even hang out with us?” asks Katya.

Alyssa sticks her tongue out at Katya. “I like you, when you’re not being DISGUSTING. And anyway, if Jesus could hang out with whores and sodomites, why can’t I?” She tongue pops.

“Sodomites? You know the dickheads in Sodom were gang rapists. They were frat guys, not homos. They were trying to haze the ‘new guys’ in town,” says Katya.

Alyssa widens her eyes in surprise, her mouth forming an “o”.

“Yeah, I’ve read the bible,” Katya says with a loud Alyssa-style tongue pop, turning to check herself in the mirror. “Great work, Shane! You’re a natural.”

“Awesome, he’s gonna take a break now,” Roy says, pulling Shane by the hand, grabbing his backpack on the way out the door.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Katya calls after them.

“Does that rule anything out?” giggles Alaska.

“Yeah, I never pee standing up. Well, I mean I tried but it didn’t go so well. It got  _everywhere._ My mother was not amused. The dogs loved it though.”

Alaska doubles over laughing as Alyssa covers her ears again.

Outside the classroom, Roy leans against a wall. Shane lunges at him and starts kissing him with fierce intensity, digging his fingers into Roy’s back.

“Hey…Shane, wait. I actually…do need to talk to you.” He holds the horny blonde by the shoulders and eases him back a bit.

Shane looks up at him from heavy-lidded eyes. “Yeah?” he asks breathily.

Roy touches his cheek. “Listen, I know you have certain…uh…expectations…about this weekend. But I just…I mean…fuck. I’ve never been with a virgin before, and I want to make sure you’re okay, and that you know what to expect, and…”

Roy sighs and pulls a book out of his backpack. It’s been covered in brown paper from a grocery bag.

“A lot of it is kind of dumb and outdated, but…the basics are there.”

“You want me to read a textbook before you fuck me?”

“No! I mean…you don’t have to read all of it, just…” Roy sighs. “Look, I’ve never been on the…’receiving’ end of things and so I don’t really know how to…” Roy shuts his eyes. This is not going well.

Shane flips through the book, stopping on a graphic line drawing of muscled, tattooed men in a threesome. “Whoa…”

“Yeah, the drawings are lame. I’m sorry, this was stupid. You don’t have to…“

Roy attempts to take the book back, but Shane snatches it away, out of his reach. “You know what? I think I’ll check it out. I mean, it seems like it would be pretty helpful, now that I think about it.” His eyes sparkle.

Roy grins down at him, pulling him in for a soft kiss. “You depraved little hussy.”


	4. TOW Roy Finally Gives It Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane studies up, and then Roy finally gives him what he wants.

Shane is OBSESSED with the book from Roy. The text parts are okay, but the drawings…Shane has never seen pictures of naked guys before and he is enthralled by the graphic images.

When he gets home from school, he locks the door to his room and lies face down on his bed, examining every page, getting more hot and bothered with every image. Even the weird ones (Leather Daddy in a swing getting fisted, complete with dripping lube??) are so evocative that his mind reels.

He stuffs a pillow beneath him and continues to peruse the pages. There’s one that is barely even dirty compared to the others, in a section called “Fuck Buddies.” Two guys kneel, one behind the other, both reaching around touching each other’s dicks. You can’t even really see anything but just the idea of it drives Shane crazy. And then there’s a picture of one guy over his partner’s knees, getting spanked with a paddle. Shane isn’t sure he would like a paddle, but the thought of Roy’s bare palm slapping his ass…Oh god.

As Shane ruts into the pillow, he remembers that this book is supposed to be research. He wants to make Roy happy. He doesn’t just want to be a “virgin” who doesn’t know what he’s doing. He goes back to the section on bottoming, reading voraciously. Apparently guys get more turned on when bottoms are on their stomach with their legs spread apart. Interesting.

He glances over at himself in the mirrored closet doors, pants around his ankles, spread-eagle on the pillow, and realizes that he’s in the same position as the picture in the book. He giggles, feeling a surge of confidence and excitement.

He’s startled by a knock on his door and slams the book shut.

“Shane, darling, telephone for you. It’s your friend Roy.”

“O-okay, mum, thanks! I’ll be right there!” He yanks up his pants, making sure the fly and button are securely fastened, and throws open the door.

His mum smiles at him, handing him the receiver. “Thanks,” he says to her as she nods and heads downstairs with a basket of laundry, and then says loudly into the phone “Hey, dude, what’s up?”

Roy cracks up. “ _Dude_? Are you having a stroke?”

Shane watches his mum get to the bottom of the stairs and slides down the wall next to the hall table, sitting on the floor and hugging his knees to his chest. He whispers, “Sorry. My mum was right there.”

Roy laughs. “Got it. _Dude_.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good. Calling to check up on you. Are you enjoying your research?” Roy’s voice is low and sexy.

“Yes, it’s been very… _ahem_ …enlightening.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet! I’m guessing you’ve been enlightening yourself with your hand all afternoon.”

Shane giggles but says nothing, confirming that what Roy thinks is true.

“If I’d known those line drawings of homos from the 70s did it for you so much, I’d have given it to you the first day we met.”

“I don’t think I’d have been ready for it then.”

“But now a few weeks later, you are?”

“Um…yeah.”

“I guess a lot can happen in a few weeks, huh?”

Shane’s mind swirls with memories of everything that’s happened between them in this short time. Kissing, tasting, licking, being driven to higher heights of euphoria than he ever thought possible. “Yup,” he whispers simply.

“Okay, well…I don’t really have much to say. Other than, you know, I am in fucking agony waiting for this weekend.”

Shane closes his eyes. “Yeah…tell me about it.”

“But you have all the drawings of dudes fucking to keep you company. What do I have? Just regular porn. Boring.”

“You have more pictures? Like…of real people?” Shane perks up.

“Pictures…video tapes…yeah, you don’t have any porn?”

“I mean like…I used to have this packaging from a pair of underwear, which I looked at a lot.”

“Just like all straight dudes.”

“Shut up. Where do you even get porn? Don’t you have to be an adult to buy it?”

“You are seriously so cute, it makes my heart hurt.”

“I’m serious!”

“Well…you find a really sexy older guy who has it and ask him to share—“

“Does that mean you’ll share with me?”

“—VERY politely.”

“Roy. Will you please, please share your pornography with me? I would be ever so grateful.”

“I think that could maybe be arranged. But what do I get in return?”

Shane smirks. “Unfortunately, I have nothing valuable to share with you. I guess I’m outta luck.”

“Well…that may be true. But I suppose since I’m a really philanthropic individual, I could share anyway and maybe someday, I’ll think of something.”

“You’re too kind, sir.”

“I know.”

There’s a pause. “Hey, Roy?”

“Yeah, Shane?”

“I miss you.”

“I miss—“

There’s a _click_ on the line and then Shane hears his mum’s voice. “Darling, are you still on the phone? I need to call your father.”

“Sorry, mum! Roy was just helping me…with some Spanish homework. I’ll get off in a minute.”

“Okay, thanks love.”

Another _click_. “I guess we should hang up.”

“Spanish homework? That was racist. Why can’t I help you with English homework?”

Shane laughs. “Sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Of course, see you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your research. Make sure you take breaks to stretch.”

Shane continues to laugh. “Bye, Roy.”

“Bye, Shane.”

*****

On Saturday morning, Shane kisses both of his parents goodbye. His mother is a little concerned that Roy isn’t there yet, but Shane assures her that he’s coming. He’s not sure why he told Roy to wait until they left. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to go through the charade of introducing him as his “friend.” And he’s not ready yet to tell his parents that he has a boyfriend. Also, he’s not sure they’d be so quick to let them spend the weekend together if they figured out the truth. So there’s that.

He watches the car pull out and drive down the street, waving from the driveway. As soon as they disappear around the corner, Shane races back inside to the phone in the kitchen and dials Roy’s number, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Hey,” Roy answers. His voice is so sexy in the morning. Low and scratchy and just…ugh.

“They’re gone, come over.”

“Okay, I’ll be about fifteen minutes.”

“Okay, bye.” Shane hangs up quickly, not wanting to waste a second of their time together on the phone.

Shane has so much pent up energy, he feels like he could run a marathon. He read that book twice since Wednesday, managing to hold off on touching himself for long enough to actually focus on the prose.

On Thursday, Roy slipped him a magazine in a manila envelope, and the pictures got him so utterly horny that he barely slept that night. He’s pretty sure that he hasn’t done homework in days, but he honestly can’t remember. What he does know is that his insides are as clean and shiny as they can possibly get. After he used the enema from the drugstore, he used one of his mum’s wet wipes. Then, worried that he would smell like a baby, he rifled through his mum’s bathroom while she and Dad were downstairs eating breakfast. Most of her lotions smelled hideous to him, but he found one called “sweet almond” that he really liked, and rubbed that all over his ass.  

When Roy arrives, carrying a duffel bag, Shane leaps into his arms, wrapping his legs around his waist like a baby koala, kissing him so hungrily that he takes Roy’s breath away.

Roy kisses him back for a minute, then pulls away slightly. “I have a surprise for you. Wanna see?”

Shane nods, putting his feet on the floor. Roy kisses his forehead and unzips his duffel bag, grinning mischievously, showing those perfect dimples. He pulls out a couple of tapes, covered in graphic, mildly censored photos of men fucking in all different positions. “Got a VCR?”

Shane bounces up and down delightedly and pulls Roy by the hand into the family room.

Roy looks around. The room is cozy and comfortable, with a medium sized TV, plush carpeting and big, L-shaped sofa loaded with cushions. Shane picks up two different remote controls and turns on the TV and VCR as Roy puts his bag down.

“Hey, Shane…maybe we should put something on the couch…like, something washable. A towel?”

Shane looks at Roy, eyes big as saucers, and scampers out of the room, returning a minute later with a huge beach towel that he drapes over the couch. Roy has put one of the tapes in the VCR and switched over to the right channel. He kicks off his shoes and settles onto the corner of the couch, pulling Shane down next to him. He’s about to press play when Shane leaps up, crying “WAIT!”

He runs out of the room, returning with a huge tray, containing large bottles of water, Gatorade, pretzels, a tin of cashews, dried fruit, and granola bars. Roy looks at the assortment as Shane puts it down next to him.

“Are we going camping?” Roy asks.

Shane laughs. “I want to be prepared! I’m a Boy Scout, you know.”

“Of course you are. Fuck.”

Giggling, he hops onto the couch beside Roy, flinging one leg over him and cuddling into him. Roy presses play. Shane wriggles around, unable to sit still. “I’m so excited,” he whispers to Roy, eyes shining.

Roy closes his eyes. He can feel Shane’s heart hammering in his chest. “Baby, I know you’re excited. I’m excited too. But you’re acting sort of…” Roy doesn’t want to say that Shane is acting like a hyperactive little kid, which doesn’t exactly put him in the mood. “…sort of manic,” Roy finishes, “and it’s making me nervous.”

Shane’s face falls. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“It’s okay, don’t worry. I get it. But I think we’d both enjoy ourselves more if we just like, chilled out a little bit. Take a few deep breaths. Come here…” he pulls Shane against his chest and starts stroking his hair, using the pads of his fingers to work slow, soothing circles into his scalp. With the other hand, he traces light patterns on the inside of Shane’s forearm. “Is this okay? Try to breathe.”

Shane tries hard to breathe slowly, as his heart races. He looks up at Roy and meets his lips for a lazy, deep kiss. He reaches up and traces Roy’s full lips with his fingers. Without breaking eye contact, he picks the remote up off the couch, and presses play.

Roy chuckles. “Point taken.”

Shane smirks and turns towards the screen, leaning back against Roy’s chest, settling into his arms. A guy on screen is on his hands and knees, naked, and another guy approaches him with a massive hard-on. He grabs the first guy and just rams right into him. Shane’s eyes widen in shock and he inhales sharply. He feels Roy kissing the back of his neck as the men on screen fuck furiously. A third guy enters the frame, and then his dick is in the first guy’s mouth. All three of them are moaning. Shane’s eyes glaze over as Roy gently nibbles on his earlobe. He grips Roy’s thigh.

The man getting sucked off comes first, shooting all over the first guy’s face. Shane has never seen that much cum in his life, and he’s produced a ton of it himself in the last few weeks.

His breath comes quicker and he can feel the blood rushing lower. He lets out a small moan as Roy’s hands wander around his torso. His fingers dance over Roy’s fly, and come to rest on the buckle of his belt. In the half-dozen or so times that they’ve fooled around, this was the point where Roy would bat his hand away. But this time, Roy is still, allowing Shane to slowly unbuckle him, undoing the button and carefully unzipping his fly.

Shane reaches into his underwear, his hand in direct contact with Roy for the first time, feeling his hard length, trembling slightly at how thick it feels in his hand, stroking gently at first and then harder and faster. He looks over at Roy, head back against the couch, eyes squeezed shut, and suddenly the men on the screen were not the orgasms he cared about. Though he wants Roy inside of him, he knows that first he needs to show Roy that he’s ready for this next step. That’s he’s not an innocent little kid that needs protecting. And besides, he really just wants to taste Roy’s dick.

He slides to the floor, kneeling between Roy’s legs, pulling his pants off, followed by his navy blue underwear, unable to tear his eyes away from Roy’s big, hard dick that now stands in front of him. His breath comes quicker, the moment suddenly feeling so real. How is that going to feel inside of him? Will it FIT? Shane slips his hands under Roy’s ass the way Roy has done with him, and leans forward, mouth encircling the head, licking and sucking the drips that leak out, earning a series of moans, Roy’s hands threading into his hair. Roy’s dick is so different from his, the sensitive head uncovered by foreskin. Shane takes him deeper and Roy gasps.

“Oh, fuck, Shane, that’s so good!”

Shane feels a surge of power. It’s thrilling to be giving Roy the same pleasure that Roy gave him. He knows all the things he liked, so he uses the same moves with Roy. He withdraws one hand from Roy’s ass and uses it to lightly play with his balls. He glances up and sees Roy biting down on his fist. He boldly wrenches Roy’s fist away, whispering against his cock, “I want to hear you,” and continues to suck, watching as Roy’s eyes roll back into his head, moaning, his breathing jagged.

He wraps his fingers around Roy’s dick, pumping fast and hard while he sucks the tip and flicks his tongue against it. He can feel Roy’s grip of his hair growing tighter and tighter, moaning unintelligibly. He slides one arm under Roy’s thigh and pushes it up, giving him access to that spot below his testicles that he knows has brought him so much pleasure. He presses against it with his thumb and Roy groans, cursing and thrusting into Shane’s mouth.

Shane’s eyes start to water as Roy’s thrusting gets more frantic. Roy is so far down his throat that he feels like he might choke. He tightens his lips and pulls back a little, using the friction of his mouth as Roy slides in and out. Roy’s moans are becoming deeper and more guttural as he gets closer to the edge.

“Oh, fuck…Fuck fuck fuck…baby, I’m about to…” Roy struggles against Shane’s mouth, trying to give him the opportunity to pull away. But Shane doesn’t want to pull away. He sucks voraciously on the tip as Roy comes, shooting his hot liquid down Shane’s throat. Shane relishes the taste, the feel, everything. He swallows every drop, licking around the head to make sure he got all of it.

Roy, panting, lets his hand fall away from Shane’s hair. Shane slides his hands up his thighs to his hips, kissing his stomach and his heaving chest. He climbs up off the floor, straddling Roy on his knees and letting him bury his face in Shane’s chest.

“Are you good, baby? Was that—“

“I’m so good. I’ve been dying to taste you.”

Roy laughs lightly and clasps his hands around Shane’s waist.

“Did I do it right?”

Roy nods. “You were amazing. Perfect…” He looks up, remembering the porno on the screen; the scene playing now is a guy sitting on another guy’s dick, riding him, as the one on the bottom jerks him off. He taps Shane on the shoulder and gestures for him to turn around. Shane shifts in his lap, turning around to look at the TV.

“Holy shit,” Shane breathes. “So like…there’s never any story, huh? I thought there would be some…talking first.”

Roy laughs. “I think that’s straight porn. Gay porn gets right down to business.”

Shane glances slyly at Roy. “The book said that was a really good position for your first time bottoming.”

“Oh, really?”

Shane watches a few more moments, eyes glued to the screen as the guy on top comes all over his partner, not even realizing at first that he’s palming his dick until Roy’s hand slides into his pants, fondling him until he’s hard.

“You like that?” Roy asks him softly. Shane isn’t sure if he’s referring to his hand or the movie. All he can manage as a response is a quiet whimper.

Roy takes his hand away and Shane whines softly. He blows on Shane’s ear as he pulls his shirt over his head, then pulls Shane’s off. He wraps Shane in his arms and sucks on his earlobe, teasing his nipples before trailing his hands down to Shane’s waistband again. Shane leans his head back into the crook of Roy’s neck, lifting his hips slightly so that Roy can push down his pants.

The only thing between them now is the thin cotton of Shane’s underwear. Roy reaches around and slips his hand in, stroking him gently, spreading his pre-cum down the shaft and pumping him slowly. Shane reaches up around Roy’s head with one arm, arching and straining, pressing his ass back into Roy’s dick, which he can feel getting harder against him. The pressure in his abdomen builds up more and more until he can’t stand it anymore and pulls his underwear off.

He rifles through Roy’s bag and pulls out lube and a string of condoms, then crawls over to Roy, hovering above him on all fours. Roy kisses him, cupping his face with both hands.

“So…I guess this means you’re ready to go?” Roy asks gently.

Shane nods, eyes glittering. “Yes…please.”

Roy drizzles some lube into his hand, coating his fingers. He puts a hand on Shane’s hip to steady him, and slowly eases one finger inside him. Shane maintains eye contact, looking at Roy mischievously.

He breathes heavily. “More…”

Roy adds another finger, sliding the lube around inside him, then a third. Shane’s eyes roll back into his head and he moans. Roy works him until he feels secure that he’s stretched enough, and then withdraws his hand. Shane whimpers, his eyes flying open. Roy picks up the condoms and holds them up for Shane. “Help me?” he requests.

Shane sits back on his heels, eagerly tearing open one of the packages and placing the condom on the head of Roy’s dick. He unrolls it slowly with both hands, squeezing Roy’s dick as he goes, feeling a little nervous about how it’s all going to fit inside him, but determined. Roy inhales sharply. Shane gets back on his hands and knees, bending down to kiss Roy, his lips firm but gentle. Roy slides his hand over the condom, spreading the slick lube around. Shane kisses his neck and sucks gently on the skin below his jaw. “Are you ready?” Shane whispers.

“Are _you_ ready?” asks Roy, caressing Shane’s face with one hand, the other rubbing slow circles on his ass.

As an answer, Shane smiles wickedly, hiding his nerves, hoping his sweaty hands and racing heart don’t tip Roy off. He leans back, reaching behind himself to hold Roy’s dick and gently easing himself down. Roy strokes his thighs, fighting his urge to buck upwards with all his might. When he’s about a third of the way in, Shane whimpers, crying out in frustration.

“It’s okay, Shane, take your time. Try to relax,” Roy says soothingly, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Shane closes his eyes and steadies himself with his hands on Roy’s chest. He breathes deeply and feels his muscles loosen, and then he pushes down, slowly, slowly, until he’s sitting down completely. Roy’s cock throbs painfully, but he’s afraid to move. Shane’s muscles tighten around him, causing his hips to lift slightly, sparks shooting through his body.

Shane’s breath hitches and Roy pulls him in for a soft kiss. “You are so perfect, baby, you’re doing great.”

Shane, now getting used to the fullness impaling him, starts to rock against Roy’s hips. Roy bucks once to see if it will be okay, and is rewarded with a loud, breathy moan. Shane pants, sweat beading on his brow, as he picks up the pace. He leans forward, straining, whimpering, as Roy caresses his face and begins to thrust up into him faster. Roy can barely see straight, but he tries with all his strength to concentrate on Shane’s face, flushed and gasping and whimpering. “Roy…Roy I can’t…oh god…I can’t hold on tight enough…oh, please, please…” Shane moans in agony.

Roy realizes that his thrusting is practically bouncing the smaller boy into the air. He clutches onto his shoulders, trying desperately to bear down, but his strength is waning and he’s starting to look like a ragdoll being tossed around. Roy slows down, holding Shane against him, and carefully flips them over so that he’s on top.

“Wait, is this…is this okay? The book said—“

“Don’t worry about the book,” Roy assures him. He covers Shane’s face in kisses, beginning another round of gentle thrusting, hands around his waist. Shane sounds like he’s being tortured, and Roy slows down, asking, “Are you okay, baby? Do you want to stop?”

Shane digs his fingers into Roy’s shoulders. “N-no…no, please don’t stop. I need…I need…”

“What do you need, Shane? Anything.” Roy kisses his jaw, his brow, his eyelids.

“I need…please, fuck me…fuck me harder.” His head lolls on the cushions.

Roy pauses for a moment, and then pushes one of Shane’s legs back, hooking it over his shoulder. He takes a deep breath and drives down into him, moving his hands to cup Shane’s ass, holding him up at the same time he’s ploughing into him, over and over. Shane’s eyes are shut and he’s moaning, louder now, raking his nails up and down Roy’s back.

Shane thinks he’s going to black out from the exquisite torture Roy is giving him, finally hitting his sweet spot, over and over. He writhes in anguish, moaning and straining. Roy pulls one of Shane’s hands from his back and guides it towards his dick, pumping a little so that Shane can follow his lead. Then Roy’s own hands wander north, pinching both of Shane’s nipples. “OH GOD!” Shane cries, so over-stimulated that his head reels.

“Let go, baby, let go. It’s okay.”

Shane squeezes his eyes shut and lets his body arch up again and again. Crying out, bucking, scratching. “Oh god, oh god, Roy don’t stop…Oh, Oh…AHH!” Euphoria floods through Shane’s body as he starts shaking and convulsing, finally pushed over the edge.

Roy continues to pump as hard as he can, and when he feels Shane’s release all over his stomach, he lets go too, coming a few thrusts later.

Shane’s body has gone limp. Roy pulls out, dropping the condom into a trash can beside the sofa, and then returning all attention to his sweet, exhausted boyfriend. He licks the mess off his stomach, using the corner of the towel to wipe himself down while he nuzzles Shane, whose eyes are fluttering every few seconds.

He lays down next to Shane, pulling his lithe body in close. Shane’s head drops against his chest. “Are you alright, Shane?” He kisses his forehead, hugging him tightly.

Shane grunts happily, a soft smile settling over his face. He buries his face against Roy’s smooth skin and inhales deeply. “You smell…so…good,” he whispers.

“Does that mean yes? Please, baby, talk to me, just for a minute.”

“I’m okay, please just…stop talking,” Shane says, pressing his forehead against Roy’s shoulder and biting him softly. “Let’s just…” his eyes droop.

Roy’s fingers trace slow circles in his skin, embracing him tightly while he falls fast asleep, nestled into each other. Finally satisfied that everything is fine, Roy relaxes, his own eyes closing as he rests his cheek against Shane’s head, allowing himself to drift off.


	5. TOW Shane Doesn’t Want It To End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane tries his best to enjoy the rest of his weekend with Roy, but starts to feel some type of way about it coming to an end.

Roy awakens to Shane sucking on the sensitive skin of his neck and gently humping his leg. “Mmmm…hey there.”

Shane tightens his arms around Roy’s waist. “Hiii,” he says, “want some Gatorade? A snack?”

“Is that your way of telling me you’re ready for another round?”

Shane flutters his eyelashes. “Maybe…” He leans in and slips his tongue into Roy’s mouth, swirling it around, letting out a sigh.

“Okay, well…as much fun as this couch has been, what do you say we find a real bed?”

Shane grins, “How about I’ll get in bed upstairs and you come find me?”

“Are you literally suggesting sexy hide and seek right now?”

Shane presses his lips to Roy’s forehead. “I’m not really gonna be hidden,” he laughs.

He gets up, stretches, and says, “Count to 30. And don’t forget our camping gear.” Then he winks and dashes out of the room.

Roy chuckles to himself, taking a long swig of Gatorade (couldn’t hurt, right?) and putting the lube and condoms back into his bag.

“I DON’T HEAR COUNTING!” Shane yells from the stairwell.

“ONE…TWO…THREE…” Roy begins, shaking his head. He lifts the duffel bag up over his shoulder, wondering if he should bother putting pants on. He glances at the towel on the sofa, too, feeling uncomfortable about leaving the evidence there. What if Shane’s parents came home unexpectedly? Roy has seen sitcoms before. He wonders why they never did a Very Special _Blossom_ episode with this twist. He replaces the couch cushions that have been tossed aside. He ejects the tape without rewinding and puts it back in his bag, and folds up the towel, bringing that along with him too. And their discarded clothes from the floor. The last thing he picks up is Shane’s Boy Scout Sex Marathon Preparedness Tray. It is HEAVY. “Goddammit…”

Upstairs, Shane throws back the comforter and arranges himself on the bed, sprawled out with his legs open, his hips propped up by a pillow. He pulls Roy’s dirty magazine out from under his mattress and opens it. He’s very happy that he remembered to change out his old sheets for the plain green ones. All he needs is Roy to find him lying on top of a bunch of colorful choo-choo trains.

“…TWENTY-NINE…THIRTY!” Roy heads upstairs, smirking when he sees Shane’s door, an obvious choice as there is a giant gold star on it with the letter “S” in the middle. “You are the worst hider ever, you know—“ and then nearly drops the tray when he sees the way Shane is positioned on the bed. “Holy FUCK.”

“Oh, hey,” Shane says casually, flipping pages of the magazine. “Wasn’t expecting you, how’s it going?” He looks over his shoulder at Roy, eyes smoldering, finger in his mouth.

Roy would laugh, but he’s so turned on that all he manages is a low whimper. His dick, merely semi-hard seconds earlier, now stands fully erect. He sets the tray down on Shane’s dresser, duffel bag on the floor, first pulling out the condoms and lube and tossing them onto the bed before he pounces, causing Shane to let out a small shriek of delight. He buries his face into Shane’s back, hands squeezing his perfect round ass cheeks.

He pulls Shane’s hips upwards, pressing his hard dick against him, rubbing, grinding him down into the pillow. He leans back, spreading Shane’s cheeks and dipping his head down, swirling his tongue around until Shane is moaning loudly.

Shane grabs the bottle of lube and hands it to Roy over his shoulder. Roy takes the hint and drizzles the slippery liquid onto his ass, fingering him with the lube while Shane rips open a condom, pushing upward against Roy’s fingers. Shane passes the condom back to him and Roy slides it on quickly.

Roy positions himself against Shane, then hesitates. Is it going to hurt him to go again this soon? His skin is flushed and hot to the touch. Roy aches for him. “Hey, Shane? Are you sure you want me to—“

“DO IT!” Shane demands.

His force and volume startles Roy, causing him to break into a grin. “You raging nymphomaniac…” he mutters as Shane arches back for him, one hand already fondling himself as he stretches to meet Roy’s cock. Roy grips his hips and starts easing into him slowly. Shane thrusts backwards, using one of his forearms to push himself back, driving Roy in deeper and deeper.

“Ah…ah…oh, fuck, yes…”

His urgent movements and guttural moaning are driving Roy completely insane. “Oh, so that’s how you wanna play, baby? You want it rough, huh?”

“Yes…yes! Rough…hard…pleeeease!” Shane moans.

Roy can do rough. He rams into him repeatedly with full force and Shane cries out in ecstasy.

“Yes, that’s…OH…keep…going…” Shane is working his own cock in a fury, his other hand a tight fist, and when he comes, his entire body is wracked with spasms, from the top of his head to his curled toes.

Roy can feel himself on the precipice, a sensation of being hurtled into fire over and over again races through his body. Sweat drips from his scorching hot skin, and he comes in waves and waves of euphoria, relief bursting through his skin. He continues to thrust forward until the last ounce is wrung out from his dick, collapsing on top of Shane, who gasps and shudders beneath him. Roy rolls away, onto his back, chest heaving with gulping breaths.

Shane pulls the soiled pillow out from beneath him and turns onto his side, pulling one knee up into his body, heart racing out of control. They lie beside each other for a minute, listening to the sound of each other’s breathing as their heart rates slowly return to normal.

Shane reaches for Roy’s hand, lacing his fingers with the older boy’s, leaning his forehead on Roy’s shoulder. Roy brings Shane’s fingers to his mouth, kissing them softly, then biting gently on one of his knuckles.

Shane props his head up on his other hand, looking into Roy’s eyes. He giggles a little.

“What are you laughing at?” Roy holds his hand against his chest, stroking his arm.

“Well…I was talking to Katya a week or so ago, and she said that if I wasn’t ready to talk about sex, then I wasn’t ready to do it.”

“Ha! I think you’ve overcome that particular obstacle.”

“Yeah.” Shane giggles again.

“So…you talked to Katya about sex, huh? Is that why you’re suddenly such a little nympho?”

Shane buries his head in Roy’s neck, flinging a leg over him. “No…that’s all you.”

“Why, thank you.”

“You know, I don’t think Katya does it as much as you think,” Shane says softly.

“Oh, I know. It’s mostly just kidding around and tall tales. Like Blanche Devereaux.”

“Who?” Shane wrinkles his brow.

“From the _Golden Girls_?”

“Oh, I’ve never seen that show.”

“WHAT? THAT IS UN-AMERICAN!” Roy cries.

Shane laughs. “Well, I’m not American. I just moved here a month ago.”

“Oh, right. Okay. You’re forgiven.” Roy kisses the top of Shane’s head as his stomach growls. “Shit, sorry. What time is it? I didn’t eat breakfast.”

“I’m prepared for this!” Shane raises three fingers to his forehead in the Boy Scout Salute and grabs the tray.

“UGH, I suddenly had this image of you in your Boy Scout uniform and got really turned on. I’m going to hell.” He covers his face with a pillow.

Shane laughs. “I can’t wear it anymore; it’s way too tight.”

“Oh my god, stop.”

Shane continues laughing, pulling the pillow away and feeding Roy a pretzel. “Plus, I’m pretty sure I’ve broken the Boy Scout promise today. I would need to be punished,” he says, tilting his head coquettishly.

Roy growls. “You’re seriously killing me right now.”

Shane drinks some Gatorade, then slowly licks his upper lip. Roy raises himself up on his elbows and allows Shane to tilt the bottle against his mouth. Roy gulps it down, and when Shane brings it back down, he leans forward and kisses Roy, tasting the orange flavor still on his lips. “So,“ Shane murmurs against his lips, “What do you want to do now?”

“Wanna watch a movie?”

“More porn?!” Shane claps excitedly.

“No, you horny slut, I picked up a few tapes from Blockbuster. Nice family movies that don’t involve double-penetration. Or single penetration. Movies that require us wearing AT LEAST underwear if not actual clothes.”

Shane sulks. “Yeah, okay.”

Roy laughs. “We need a break. I don’t want to have to take you to the hospital. And your parents don’t want that bill. And I need some actual food, not just trail mix.”

Shane snuggles against him. “Okay, we can order pizza. Do we have to put underwear on this SECOND though? I just really…I like looking at it.” He trails his fingers down Roy’s stomach.

“You’re out of control, you know that?”

Shane jumps up, laughing. “Fine, I’ll put on underwear.” He walks over to his drawer, opening it and smirking, sliding on a pair that are several sizes too small. He turns around, and Roy recognizes the Power Rangers stretched across his ass. “This is what I wore under my Boy Scout uniform,” he simpers.

“UGHHHHHHH!” Roy collapses back against the pillows, cracking Shane up again.

*****

Shane carries the pizza into the family room, setting it down on the coffee table next to more Gatorade (“Mum says to stay hydrated!”) and the napkins and plates. Roy is setting up the movie, fast-forwarding through the previews. He had brought a bunch with him because he didn’t know exactly what Shane would like, but Shane told him to choose.

“The pizza guy loved my outfit,” Shane declares. He pulls a few snack tables over to the sofa, where their towel is spread out “just in case.”

“I’ll bet he did.” Shane had (thankfully) put on an undershirt, but his bottoms were still those damn Power Ranger undies that barely contained him.

“What are we watching?” Shane opens the box and puts pizza on each of their plates.

“I picked a comedy because I love hearing your dumb laugh,” Roy tells him.

“Awww, you’re so romantic!” He grabs the plates and the Gatorade and settles down onto the sofa, holding out his arms to Roy. “Come here. What’s it called?”

Roy joins him on the couch. “ _Clueless_. It came out a few years ago, have you seen it?”

“Nope!” The movie starts and Shane picks up a piece of pizza, holding it up to Roy temptingly.

Roy opens his mouth and Shane shoves the whole slice in, laughing hysterically. “That’s mature,” says Roy, his voice muffled by pizza.

Shane giggles and takes a tiny, delicate bite of his own slice, then leans back against Roy and relaxes into his arms.

“Oh my god,” says Shane, staring at the screen.

“What?”

“That girl looks like ME. Like, you know, when Katya did my makeup.”

Roy laughs, “Shit, she really does.”

“Man…”

“What?”

“I am SO pretty!”

Roy laughs again, kissing his head. “Pretty full of yourself.”

Shane whips his head around, curling his lip, “Tell me I’m gorgeous.”

“You’re gorgeous. A gorgeous goddamn narcissist.” Roy caresses his cheek.

“Hmmm, then why are you not fucking me right now?” Shane tilts his head.

“Because I need a break, and so does your gorgeous little butt.”

“Hmph!”

“Just watch the damn movie.”

*****

One of Shane’s favorite things about the weekend (oh, who was he kidding, everything about the weekend was his favorite thing) is that he and Roy get to sleep in the same bed, nestled together, Roy’s hot breath on the back of his neck.

For the longest time, he lies there, desperate to stay awake and relish the safe, warm feeling of having Roy’s arms around him, Roy’s body against his, Roy’s heartbeat in sync with his own. When deep exhaustion begins to overtake him, he wills himself to keep his eyes open, struggling against the power of sleep that keeps trying to drag him down.

He doesn’t want to sleep. He doesn’t want to miss a single second. He knows that tomorrow his parents will be back, and Roy will leave, and who knows when they will have the chance to spend the night together again? What if Roy gets tired of him? Meets someone else? He clutches Roy’s arms and buries his face into the pillow.

He suddenly realizes that he’s crying, and is filled with self-loathing. What the fuck is wrong with him? Why is he such a baby? Why can’t he enjoy the time they have together? Why does today have to end? He holds his breath, trying to stop himself from crying any more, and a sob escapes from his throat.

Roy stirs, awoken by Shane’s breath hitching as he tries to stifle his sobs. He’s immediately filled with concern. “Hey, hey, hey…what’s the matter, baby?”

“N-nothing, I’m sorry, ignore me…” Burning shame courses through his bones, making his whole body ache.

“Okay, well, that’s not gonna happen. Talk to me. Are you hurt?”

“It’s so stupid, p-please just go back to sleep, I’m an idiot, I c-can’t ex-explain, I c-c-cant…”

Shane is gasping for air. Roy sits up and pulls him into his lap. He wordlessly strokes his hair, rubs his back, kisses his face. He rocks him and feels his heart slow down. “Listen to me…I don’t care what it is, okay? I’m here. I wish you would talk to me but you don’t have to. Either way, I’m here with you.”

Shane lays his head on Roy’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“For what?”

“For being a dumb fucking crybaby.”

“Shane, come on. Will you please cut yourself a little slack here? No one is happy and perfect all the time. We all have things that make us cry. Was…was it something I did? Or said? If I hurt you, I am so sorry. I know I can be such an asshole—“

“You didn’t do anything. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t…I don’t know, I was so happy all day, and then…god, this is so dumb, I’m so dumb.”

“Shane. You’re not dumb. You’re sweet and smart and funny and—“

“Please stop. Why are you being so nice to me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t…I don’t know what you’re doing with me, why you like me. I just know that I don’t want it to end, I can’t…” Tears streak down his face.

“I…I don’t know what to say—“

“I told you it was stupid! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please let me go—“ he struggles to pull away, but Roy holds him close.

“I don’t know what to say because there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to list all the things I like about you. I don’t know what to say because I can’t imagine a universe in which you wouldn’t already know all of those things about yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” Shane says, closing his eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Shane swallows, taking a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t know why that happens to me.”

“Why what happens?”

“I just get this feeling, and it takes over, and then I can’t breathe.”

“That sounds like a panic attack.”

“Maybe.”

“How are you feeling? Do you need some water?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He stays on the bed, curled around a pillow, while Roy gets up and grabs the water bottle. He admires Roy’s smooth, tan body, his firm butt, that bulge…He smiles as he takes the water bottle.

“Aww, there he is again.”  Roy rubs Shane’s back as he slugs down the water.

When he’s done, Roy cups Shane’s face in his hands and puts the bottle on the night stand. He kisses both of his cheeks tenderly, and they cuddle down into the covers. This time, Shane allows himself to drift off into a sweet, peaceful slumber, Roy’s arms tight around him in a warm embrace.


	6. TOW the Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the final day of his weekend with Roy, Shane finally comes to terms with the depth of his feelings. Now, the only question is, how does he tell his boyfriend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Brief History Lesson on the Mix Tape  
> Many, many years ago, humans used to listen to music on things called “cassette tapes.” One of the ways you could show affection for someone was to put together a collection of songs recorded from other devices onto one of these tapes, and give it them. This was known as a “Mix Tape.” Please note that each tape had two sides, and if you wanted to hear something on the other side, you had to take the tape out of whatever device was playing it, manually flip it over, and then press play. And if you listened to it too much, or left it somewhere too hot, it would get distorted and stop working. So it was really quite an elusive, temporary gift.  
> The Broadway musical AVENUE Q has a lovely number which can teach you about the joy of receiving one of these mix tapes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zzGOJAHH0w   
> Please feel free to contact me for more information about ancient technology. :P
> 
> P.S. Impossible as it is to believe, the part about Roy never tasting Nutella before is very accurate for the 90s. It was a really sad time in America – you could only find it in gourmet specialty stores and only people who had been to Europe knew about it. I still remember the day in 1995 when my friend introduced me to it after coming back from Italy. She had me at “chocolate sandwich.”

Roy awakens early on Sunday to the pleasant sensation of Shane’s warm mouth on him, taking full advantage of his morning wood, already appearing as insatiable as he’d been the day before. Roy grips the sheets, moaning breathily, trying not to come immediately and basically failing. Shane’s tongue is too agile, his lips too soft, his eyes too naughty when he looks up at Roy.

Shane is drunk with power and loves it that he can make Roy’s back arch, his toes curl. He loves hearing him moan and toss his head, trying desperately to hold off and then slipping over the edge, tremors ripping through his body. Roy’s release is salty and hot as it slides down Shane’s throat.

Afterwards, Shane curls against him, breathing in his scent, sweaty from their bodies being tangled together all night under the covers.

The entire day is like a lazy, beautiful dream. They fuck twice that morning. Once with Shane on top, determined to last the whole time, figuring out how to use gravity and his hands under Roy’s hips for leverage, and once with Shane bent over the edge of the bed, Roy’s arms wrapped around him from behind. Their first meal consists of leftover pizza, carrot sticks, and oranges from the tree in Shane’s backyard, a combination that Roy declares “sort of disgusting,” while still allowing Shane to feed him sections of orange, sucking on his sticky fingers.

They gather the sheets, towel and any soiled undergarments and throw them into the washing machine. Shane also remembers to empty every trash can with condoms in it, but leaves the empty pizza box and a 2-liter bottle of soda (which he pours into some glasses that he’s leaving in the sink and down the drain, remarking “This makes more sense than Gatorade.”) on the counter, with the bowl of half-eaten pretzels and tin of cashews, their paper plates sitting on top of the kitchen trash. Everything else gets hidden or thrown away. Shane makes Roy get into the bed in the guestroom that was supposed to be his, and toss around so that it looks “slept in.” This is the point where Roy proclaims Shane an evil genius and swears never to cross him.

“But your mom’s gonna think I’m a slob,” Roy complains. “How is that better than being a fag?” He’s met with a stern, cross-eyed look from Shane and laughs, pulling him down onto the bed. “Do the sheets smell like me yet?”

Shane kisses him. “Yeah, I’ll say. Maybe we should take a shower.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Roy. Please fuck me in the shower.”

Roy jumps up, “Sounds like an excellent way to get clean.” He gives Shane his hand and pulls him up.

The attempt at shower sex is their least successful endeavor so far. The lube makes everything so slippery that Roy is afraid of dropping Shane, and doing it against the tiled wall somehow doesn’t give them the right angle. After about ten minutes of awkwardness, Roy shuts off the water and steps onto the bath mat.

“Fuck this,” he says, and picks Shane up, carrying him to the counter, where he leans him against the mirror and pushes his legs up.

Shane grasps Roy’s dripping hair as he enters him, moaning and biting Roy’s shoulder, sucking on his wet skin. Roy’s hands grip his lower back, driving into him with abandon, fingers digging into his skin. Shane is feeling a little raw, and Roy can tell by his face that he’s experiencing some pain. He slows down, then pulls out entirely. “Why’d you stop?” Shane whines.

“I thought I was hurting you,” Roy says, bending down to lick his nipples.

Shane’s head tilts back against the mirror. “I’m okay. I promise…oh, god. Keep going…please…”

Roy grabs the lube again and squeezes some into his hands, spreading it generously over the condom. Shane’s eyes close as Roy eases himself back in. He kisses him softly on the mouth, letting their lips brush against each other as he starts pumping slowly. Shane’s hands hold both sides of his face, then move down to his shoulders. He buries his face in Roy’s neck, moaning and sighing, pushing against him.

Roy takes one of his slick hands and starts stroking Shane’s dick. His pace picks up as he gets closer and closer, and Shane grips his shoulders tightly, crying out as Roy thrusts into him.

“Oh god…yes…” Shane moans loudly, shuddering and coming in Roy’s hand. Roy comes a few quick thrusts later, legs turning to jelly. He leans against the counter, pressing his forehead against Shane’s.

“Fuck…” he breathes, chuckling lightly.

“Yeah,” says Shane, wrapping his legs around Roy’s waist.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Really?”

“That time…hurt a little bit. Maybe we should watch another wholesome family movie.”

Roy nuzzles against him. “You got it.” He pulls the condom off and tosses it in the trash can, then carries Shane back into the shower, turning the faucet and adjusting the temperature. The warm spray cascades down their bodies. Shane takes the shampoo and drizzles some into his hands. He spreads it into Roy’s thick hair, the citrusy scent enveloping them both, scratching his head in gentle circles. Roy pulls Shane against him, saying “I’ve been wondering why you smell so good.”

Shane grins and runs his soapy hands down Roy’s body. “You can use it as body wash, too.” He grabs the shower puff and pours some more of the sweet-smelling gel into it.

“You use one of those? My sisters do, too,” Roy mocks.

Shane winks at him, lathering up the puffy sponge. “Ever tried? They feel really good.” He rubs Roy’s chest and then moves lower, kissing him and massaging his groin gently with the sponge.

“Oh, shit…”

“You like that?”

“Apparently my sisters are a bunch of horny sluts.”

Shane snickers and continues to rub the sponge against him.

“Okay, Shane, guarantee my dick is clean now.”

“You sure?” Shane bites his lip.

“Yeah…oh…fuck…”

*****

Once they are clean and shiny, they get dressed and head downstairs, snuggling together on the couch in front of _The Birdcage_ , which Roy describes as, “Gay, but not in a sexy way, don’t get excited. It’s really funny, though.”

Shane pulls a blanket around them both as the opening credits roll, resting his head on Roy’s shoulder.

He keeps glancing up at Roy’s face, amazed at how handsome he is. How did he ever get this lucky? Roy looks back at him and flashes him a smile, and Shane nearly swoons at the sight of his dimples. Soon he is slightly distracted from Roy’s face by the movie, which makes him clutch his sides laughing, especially every time Albert goes into hysterics. A warm feeling spreads through Roy’s chest every time Shane laughs.

After the movie, they lie on the couch for a little bit, Shane nearly drifting off several times. Roy checks the time. “When do your parents get back?”

“Their flight lands at seven. So maybe like eight? They said they’d call me from the airport.”

Roy nods, savoring the feeling of Shane’s soft, silky hair against his cheek.

“Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” Roy admits.

“I’ll make us some dinner!” Shane jumps up and runs to the kitchen. Roy rises and follows him slowly. Shane is pulling out mixing bowls, pancake mix, chocolate chips, eggs, and frying pans.

Roy watches him bustle around. “You’re making pancakes for dinner?”

Shane rolls his eyes as if this was a stupid question. “We had pizza for breakfast,” he reasons.

A short while later, they are sitting down to a very nutritious dinner of chocolate chip pancakes with Nutella (Roy is very skeptical of the Nutella, and Shane is flabbergasted that he’s never had it before), scrambled eggs (the attempt at “over-easy” didn’t go so well), breakfast sausage, and orange juice.

As Shane begins eating, he reaches over and takes Roy’s hand. Roy doesn’t want to let go, so he struggles to eat with his left hand. They are mostly quiet, both of them a little sad that their weekend is about to end and determined not to destroy the mood.

When the phone rings, Shane gets up slowly to go answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hello darling!” his mother’s voice rings out, static from the pay phone crackling.

“How are you, mum?”

“We’re fine, love. The flight was a little bumpy but we made it! Dad is getting the luggage now. We’ll be home in about forty minutes. Did you survive? I hope you had fun and didn’t destroy the house too much.”

“Yeah, it was…it was fun. The kitchen is a little messy.”

Mum laughs. “Dad owes me ten dollars, then. He was betting that you boys would break things left and right. Darling, there’s a line for the phone so I’m going to go, but we’ll see you soon, bye!” She makes some kissy noises into the phone and then the line goes dead.

“How long?”

Shane avoids eye contact. “Forty minutes,” he responds softly.

“Come here…” Roy pulls Shane against him and kisses him on the cheek. They walk through the house, checking all of the rooms one last time. “Bathroom trash can,” Roy reminds Shane at one point. Shane pulls the laundry out of the machine and grabs the towel, folding it and carrying up to the linen closet. Roy carries the rest of the load into Shane’s room, where he sorts through and takes his underwear, putting Shane’s in his dresser. They silently start putting the sheets back on the bed.

“You don’t need to make it too neat,” Shane tells him. Roy nods.

When they finish, Roy gathers up his duffel bag and puts it over his shoulder. He pulls out the porno tapes. “Wanna hang onto these?”

Shane grins and takes them. “I need to find a better hiding place. It’s getting crowded under my mattress.”

“I suggest a box labeled ‘winter clothes’ or something super boring like that. Or you can just disguise them as decoy porn.”

“Decoy porn?”

“Yeah, like get the boxes from straight porn and switch out the tapes. That way if your parents find it, they just think it’s part of your healthy teenage libido.”

“Where would I get straight porn?”

“Oh, baby, you’re so precious. EVERYWHERE.”

Shane considers this. “I don’t think I would mind watching straight porn.”

“It’s terrible, and the guys are hideous. Hung, but hideous. And the women all look strung out. It’s depressing, actually.”

“Sounds hot,” Shane comments, making Roy laugh. For now he buries the tapes under a stack of T-shirts in his dresser.

Roy reaches for his hand and holds it as they make their way downstairs. At the door, Shane looks at the floor. Roy turns to face him. “So…I’ll see you in school tomorrow?”

Shane nods.

“It’s gonna be a good week…opening night of the play on Tuesday…Cast party Friday…”

“Mmm-hmm.”

Roy drops his bag on the ground and folds Shane into a tight embrace. “Please don’t be sad, baby.” They stand there like that for a long time, inhaling each other.

Shane finally looks up at Roy, his eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t want you to go.”

Roy holds him close. “Okay, then I won’t. I’ll just move in here. Your parents won’t mind, right?”

Shane laughs, the tears spilling down his cheeks, and buries his face into Roy’s chest. “Perfect. They’ll love you.”

“It’ll be a very nice way to meet them, too. ‘Hello Mr. and Mrs. Jenek. Uh, my name is Roy and I’m moving in with you so that I can have more regular access to your son’s asshole. On the plus side, pretty sure we won’t have an accidental teen pregnancy.’”

Shane giggles against his chest. “Only pretty sure?”

“I mean, did you see that terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, _Junior_? Weird shit happens.”

Shane pulls away a little to look into Roy’s beautiful, warm, chocolate-brown eyes. Roy caresses his cheek.

“I don’t know how I got to be so lucky,” Roy whispers. He gently wipes Shane’s tears with his thumb.

Shane clings to his waist. “I’m the lucky one.”

“We may have to agree to disagree on that,” Roy smiles, flashing the dimples that make Shane’s insides turn to mush. Shane sighs, pulling him close again, but not close enough. He wishes they had more time. Why had he wasted all those hours sleeping?

Suddenly, headlights flash in the driveway, shining through the windows. “Shit!” Shane exclaims. He uses his sleeve to wipe off his face and disappointedly breaks away from the embrace. “Do I look crazy?”

“No, you look perfect.”

“I guess…I guess it’s okay that you’re still here. I mean they know that you were here.”

“I’ll say I stayed to help you clean up the kitchen. That way maybe they won’t think I’m such a slovenly asshole.”

“Great idea!” Shane pulls him into the kitchen and throws Roy a sponge and some dish soap. “Pretend like you’re washing that pan, I’ll load the dishwasher.”

“How do you _pretend_ to wash a pan?” Roy laughs, “Why don’t I just wash it?”

“Fine, whatever.”

“So should we be talking about football? All the hot chicks you are trying to bone?”

Shane rolls his eyes as the door opens. “Hi Mum! Hi Dad! We’re in the kitchen!” he calls.

Mum appears in the doorway, grinning, and pulls Shane in for a big hug. Shane responds, only a little embarrassed. Dad introduces himself to Roy.

“Hello, sir,” Roy says politely, then to Mrs. Jenek, “Ma’am.”

“Sir, ma’am, I don’t think I will ever get used to how formal you kids are here!” Mum laughs, arm still around Shane.

“I quite like it,” says Dad. “So did you kids have a nice weekend? No wild parties, I hope.”

“No parties, we just, uh…no parties,” Shane stammers.

Roy puts the clean pan into the drainboard and picks up the sudsy mixing bowl.

“Oh, love, don’t bother with that, we can take care of it. Looks like everything else goes in the dishwasher,” Mrs. Jenek tells him, gathering some plates and helping Shane load the dishwasher.

He nods. “Okay, sure. Then…uh, I guess I’d better go. I’ve got some homework to finish.” He looks at Shane, “See you tomorrow, man.” He attempts a high-five and winces, heading for the door.

“Thanks for…thanks for hanging out with me,” Shane walks with him to the entryway.

“Sure.” Roy slings his duffel bag over his shoulder.

“Okay, so…see ya.” Shane’s voice sounds casual but his green eyes are watery and frantic. Roy quickly touches his hand as he opens the door.

“Bye…” Roy lingers for one last moment and then walks down the path to the driveway.

“Bye,” Shane’s voice is a whisper. He shuts his eyes to hold back his tears as he closes the door, leaning his forehead against the frame and trying to compose himself.

“Well, he seemed like a very nice boy. So polite,” Mum remarks from the kitchen.

“Television is still in one piece, thank goodness!” calls his dad.

Shane walks back into the kitchen and sits down at the table.

“What’s the matter darling? You look distressed.”

“I…I have something to tell you,” he says in a small voice.

Mum walks over and sits next to him. “Okay.”

“I…I’m…I mean, Roy…I don’t…” Hot tears roll down Shane’s cheeks. He’s having a hard time catching his breath.

“Darling, breathe, please. Are you…are you trying to tell me something about…you and Roy?”

“I love him!” Shane bursts into fresh tears.

Mum wraps him up in a hug. “Oh, darling, that’s wonderful. Shh, don’t cry.”

“It’s not wonderful! We just met a few weeks ago and I don’t think he…I mean…he’s going to think I’m CRAZY. Am I crazy?” He sobs into his mother’s chest, and she rocks him, clucking soothingly.

“What the devil is going on in here?”

“Your son is in love. Unrequited from the sound of things.”

“Oh really? Well, who’s the lucky girl?”

Mum shakes her head at him, and he nods. “Ohhh…”

Shane sniffles as Dad rubs his back. “Son…I’m sure that…whoever this is…will be just thrilled to hear how you feel. And if not, then they are a grade-A dickhead.”

Upstairs, Shane sits on his bed, hugging a pillow to his chest. That went…better than expected. He wasn’t planning to tell them anything, but he was feeling so raw and emotional that it all just came pouring out. Now the question is…does he tell Roy? He doesn’t want to appear needy or clingy, but on the other hand, he doesn’t know how long he can keep his feelings inside. And maybe…like his dad says, Roy would be thrilled to hear it.

His eyes land on his boombox, music piled up around it. He might have an idea…

*****

Shane meets Roy before school at their usual spot behind the theatre. At the sight of him, Roy breaks out into a huge smile and scoops him up in a hug. “Heyyy, I missed you!”

“I missed you too. I should probably tell you…I kind of came out to my parents last night.”

“Whoa! That’s huge! Did it…I mean, were they cool?”

“Yeah, they were…very cool.”

“That’s great! I’m so proud of you.” Roy hugs him again.

“Thanks.”

“So, wait, no one showed up at my door with a shotgun. Which means I’m guessing you withheld a few details.”

Shane blushes. “Yeah, I didn’t tell them…everything. Just, you know, about my feelings for you.”

“Well played.”

“Right. And it sort of...um…made me want to…”

“Yeah?” Roy rubs his hand, looking into his eyes attentively.

Shane opens up his backpack and pulls out a small packet. “I know it is sort of cheesy, but I…I made you a mix tape. And…and I wrote you a letter to go with it. So anyway, here you go. I hope you like it.” He thrusts the envelope into Roy’s hands and bolts before Roy can say anything.

Roy looks down. The envelope is plain, no writing, but it feels thick. He opens it and takes the tape out. Instead of being labeled with “Side A” and “Side B,” it is labeled with “Side XXX” and “Side <3.”

Roy is dying to listen, and to read the letter, but his Walkman is home, sitting on his desk. He curses softly, and briefly considers ditching his first few classes to get into his car and listen in the parking lot, but decides to be responsible and wait. He turns the tape over. The cover is plain white and in small, careful handwriting, Shane has written:

_To: Roy  
xoxo, Shane_

Roy puts the tape back in the envelope and gingerly puts it into his backpack, knowing he won’t be able to concentrate on anything all day.


	7. TOW Shane’s Mix Tape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Embarrassing, gooey fluff. I'm sorry. (Roy reads Shane's letter and listens to his mix tape.) Bonus: Shane's mum is a total Bitney shipper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anything in bold is Shane’s letter, and any of the song lyrics as Roy hears them are in italics. For a multi-media reading experience, please feel free to click on the lyrics below. They are all links to the songs on youtube.

Roy slips the tape into his stereo, the side labeled “XXX” facing out. He presses play and walks to his bed, unfolding the letter.

**Roy,  
I don’t really know how to explain how I feel to you, so I’m going to do my best through music. Below is a list of the tracks, and why I chose each one.**

_[I'm saying all the things that I know you'll like](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA) _  
_[Making good conversation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA) _  
_[I gotta handle you just right](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA) _  
_[You know what I mean…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA) _

Roy grins, and continues to read.

**1\. I’m sure you know that this song is really important in my culture. (Ha ha) It also happens to be an accurate description of what I feel every time I’m around you. I can’t keep my hands off you. Which you’ve figured out. So I guess this one is pretty obvious.**

_[…There's nothing left to talk about  
Unless it's horizontally](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA) _

_[Let's get physical, physical...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA) _

Roy closes his eyes and listens to Olivia Newton-John croon.

[ _…I've been patient, I've been good_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA)  
[ _Tried to keep my hands on the table_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA)  
[ _It's gettin' hard this holdin' back_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA)  
[ _If you know what I mean…_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA)

As the song plays out, Roy thinks that his cheeks are going to ache from smiling so hard. The second track starts up. He recognizes the opening chords, their 80s electronic twang, immediately, and laughs out loud.

_[Something in the way you love me won't' let me be  
I don't want to be your prisoner, so baby, won't you set me free…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSaC-YbSDpo) _

**2\. I chose this one because I am a little worried…okay, a LOT worried that you think I’m insane. Or, if you didn’t before, that you will after you hear all this. I am not exactly good at keeping my feelings bottled up inside. Maybe you’ve noticed.**

_[…Borderline,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSaC-YbSDpo) _  
_[Feels like I'm going to lose my mind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSaC-YbSDpo) _  
_[You just keep on pushing my love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSaC-YbSDpo) _  
_[Over the borderline…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSaC-YbSDpo) _

Roy thinks about Shane gasping for breath in his arms the other night, and would give anything to be with him again this moment. Assuring him that he’s not crazy, that he’s just exactly right. Roy is mildly concerned that this is almost a breakup song, and he wonders if Shane really does think that he’s got one foot out the door. Does he really feel like Roy is “playing with his heart?” Roy takes a deep breath to quiet his racing thoughts, decides not to be too literal, and looks up as the song fades out, curious what will come next.

[ _From the moment I saw you_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY)  
[ _I went outta my mind_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY)  
[ _Though I never believed in, love at first sight_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY)  
[ _But you got a magic_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY)  
[ _That I just can't explain…_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY)

Roy is mildly impressed that Shane has included Whitney. He somehow imagined that Shane would be all about younger, whiter singers. He puts down the letter and just listens.

_[…Whatever you want from me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[I'm givin' you everything](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[I'm your baby tonight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[You've given me ecstasy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[You are my fantasy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[I'm your baby tonight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _

_[From the second you touched me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[I was ready to die](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[I've never been fatal, you're my first time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[I feel like an angel, who just started to fly…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _

Well, damn. Roy looks back at Shane’s letter.

**3\. Well, it’s true, you are my first time. And the second you touched me in the wardrobe loft weeks ago…I have to be honest, I have been thinking about you pretty much 24 hours a day. All I want is for you to touch me more and more and more and sometimes I am so hot thinking about you that I feel like I’m going to explode.**

_[…Whatever I do boy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[It's all about you baby](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[And ain't the truth boy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[I'm helplessly in love with you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[What else can I do boy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[But be there for you baby](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[You got a, you got a way that you make a me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _  
_[Feel I can, feel I can do any, do anything](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY) _

Roy’s mind is invaded with thoughts of their weekend together. Shane breathless and writhing beneath him, the way he arched and cried out his name, the way he quivered…Roy can feel himself getting hot as the song fades out. When the next one starts, he chuckles.

_[I was feeling done in, couldn't win](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRiZRMLGjCY) _  
_[I'd only ever kissed before.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRiZRMLGjCY) _  
_[I thought there's no use getting into heavy petting](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRiZRMLGjCY) _  
_[It only leads to trouble and seat wetting...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRiZRMLGjCY) _

**4\. I hope this one makes you laugh! Obviously you’re not a creature of the night. But honestly, you are so fucking sexy that I probably wouldn’t be surprised if you told me that you’d been made in a lab to be the most amazing lover in the world. I’m kidding, sort of.**

[…Toucha toucha toucha touch me, I wanna be dirty](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRiZRMLGjCY)  
[ Thrill me chill me fulfill me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRiZRMLGjCY)  
[ Creature of the night.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRiZRMLGjCY)

Roy smiles as the next song begins to play.

**5\. Do I need to explain this one? ;)**

_[Erotica, romance ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[My name is Dita](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[I'll be your mistress tonight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[I'd like to put you in a trance…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _

Roy lies back on his bed.

_[…If I take you from behind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[ Push myself into your mind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[ When you least expect it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[ Will you try and reject it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[ If I'm in charge and I treat you like a child](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[ Will you let yourself go wild](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[ Let my mouth go where it wants to…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _

Damn, Shane.

**5\. (CONTINUED) P.S. I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT TO BOTTOM, THIS IS A METAPHOR!!!**

_…Give it up, do as I say  
_ _Give it up and let me have my way_  
[ _I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s)  
_I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to..._

Roy thinks about Shane “metaphorically” taking charge. Throwing him down and maybe slapping him around a little. Roy’s hand wanders to the front of his jeans, gently rubbing the front.

_[...I could bring you so much pleasure](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[I'll come to you when you say](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[I know you want me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[I'm not gonna hurt you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[I'm not gonna hurt you, just close your eyes…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _

Roy slowly unzips his fly, reaching in and stroking. He can feel Shane’s hands digging into his flesh, making him obey, making him a slave…

_[…Erotica, (give it up, give it up) romance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[I'd like to put you in a trance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
_[Erotica, romance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _  
[Put your hands all over my body](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s)

_[ Only the one that hurts you can make you feel better  
Only the one that inflicts pain can take it away](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s) _

[ _Eroti…ca_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s)

Roy fans himself with the letter as the next song starts, removing his hand. He’s got an hour of music to get through, so he better chill out.

_[Never know how much I love you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGb5IweiYG8) _  
_[Never know how much I care](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGb5IweiYG8) _  
_[When you put your arms around me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGb5IweiYG8) _  
_[I get a fever that's so hard to bear…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGb5IweiYG8) _

**6\. I guess this one is also pretty literal. I am so hot even now thinking about you, I feel like there might be steam coming off me. Even Mum noticed the other day, when I was thinking about you, that my skin was hot. So…yeah. Keep being hot.**

Roy puts down the letter, laughing in spite of himself. What on earth would be happening that Shane would be getting hot and feverish in the room with his _mother_? Was his _dick_ hard? How fucking mortifying. Roy cringes for him, and at the same time, feels insanely flattered that even long-distance, he can have that effect on his beautiful boyfriend.

_[…What a lovely way to burn  
What a lovely way to burn…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGb5IweiYG8) _

Fever fades out and the next song comes up.

_[It ain't the clothes that you wear ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _

Roy grins. He loves all the 80s stuff that Shane is including.

_[It ain't your black limousine ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _  
_[It ain't your ninety-foot…yacht](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _  
_[It ain't the things that you'll get](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _  
_[It ain't the things that you got](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _

_[ It ain't the money or the diamond rings  
Honey I ain't impressed with your material things](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _

_[ It's the way that you love me  
It's just the way that you love me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _

**7\. Okay, so I know that you don’t have a plane or a limo or a ninety-foot (ahem) yacht. But I want you to know that one of the many things I love about you is the way you make me feel when I’m with you. The way you touch me, the way you look at me, the way you say my name. You make me feel special, and important, and so turned on I can’t see straight. (That wasn’t meant to be a pun but I guess it is, sorry.)**

_[…It's just the way that you love me ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _  
_[(Your house on the hill)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _  
_[The way that you love me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _  
_[(It ain't the parties)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _  
_[It's just the way that you love me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc) _

Roy sighs. He starts to worry that Shane has built him up too much…put him on such a high pedestal that he will never live up to the image in his head. The next song begins.

_[Life is a mystery, ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _  
_[Everyone must stand alone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _  
_[I hear you call my name](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _  
_[And it feels like home](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _

_[ When you call my name it's like a little prayer  
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _

Roy’s mind suddenly reels at that imagery and he hears the song in a whole new way, picturing Shane on his knees. His fingers itch to touch himself again.

_[…I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _  
_[ I have no choice, I hear your voice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _  
_[ Feels like flying](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _  
_[ I close my eyes, Oh God I think I'm falling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _  
_[ Out of the sky, I close my eyes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _  
_[ Heaven help me…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ) _

**8\. You. Are everything I never knew that I wanted. More than I possibly deserve. I can’t…I’ll just let Madonna say it, because she says it better than me. You’re like a prayer. (I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there…)**

[ _…When you call my name it's like a little prayer_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ)  
[ _I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ)  
[ _In the midnight_ hour _I can feel your power_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ)  
[ _Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ)

As the song plays out, he’s gone from being vaguely concerned that Shane has put him on a pedestal, to positive that he has. This…this is a problem. Roy’s stomach twists with anxiety. What is Shane going to do once he realizes that he is not all that great, not all that special? How will he handle it when Roy inevitably lets him down? Roy’s heart is thumping rapidly as the tape ends and the sound of the loud _CLICK_ when it stops startles him.

Slightly shaky, he stands and walks to his stereo, ejecting the tape and flipping it over to play the other side.

**SIDE <3 **

_[Thought that I was going crazy](https://youtu.be/wf421JsG004) _  
_[Just having one those days yeah](https://youtu.be/wf421JsG004) _  
_[Didn't know what to do](https://youtu.be/wf421JsG004) _  
_[Then there was you…](https://youtu.be/wf421JsG004) _

**1\. So…hopefully you are still listening. This, I guess, is the side of the tape where I’m about to get real embarrassing and mushy. Sorry in advance. I remember the first time I saw you. Your smile – those dimples!, your eyes, your hands, the way you teased me and called me _Sandy_. (Asshole!) And I didn’t know what to do because I’d never met anyone like you, and I’d never felt the way that I felt before, with anyone, and you confused the fuck out of me, to be honest I thought I hated you that first day. But I realize now that it was just, I wanted you so badly and I didn’t know how to deal with it. So obviously Kylie is smarter than me because she knew what she was feeling. I didn’t know. Now I know.**

_[…And everything went from wrong to right](https://youtu.be/wf421JsG004) _  
_[And the stars came out and filled up the sky](https://youtu.be/wf421JsG004) _  
_[The music you were playing really blew my mind](https://youtu.be/wf421JsG004) _  
_[It was love at first sight](https://youtu.be/wf421JsG004) _

Roy takes a deep breath, relieved when the next track makes his smile grow impossibly big again.

_[I can show you the world](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[Shining, shimmering, splendid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[Tell me, princess, now when did](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[You last let your heart decide?...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _

**2\. This is one of those tracks where I almost didn’t include it, because it’s a kid’s song, basically, and most of the time I’m really worried that you’re going to think I’m immature and not old enough and then…I don’t know, it just made me really happy when I played it and so instead of erasing it, I’m leaving it in. You can fast forward if you want.**

_[…A whole new world](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[A dazzling place I never knew](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[But now from way up here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[It's crystal clear](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[that now I'm in a whole new world with you…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _

Roy laughs at the idea that he would fast-forward. He grabs a pillow and hugs it, somehow this cheesy Disney song making him feel like everything will be fine. Suddenly instead of being afraid of Shane’s feelings, he lets them warm his chilly little heart.

_[…A whole new world](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[(A whole new world)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[That's where we'll be](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[(That's where we'll be)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[A thrilling chase](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[(A wondrous place)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _  
_[For you and me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY) _

Roy is on the edge of his seat, waiting for the next track.

_[There were bells on a hill](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _   
_[But I never heard them ringing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _   
_[No, I never heard them at all](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _   
_[‘Til there was you…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _

Roy recognizes the words, but he frowns. Are those the Beatles?

_[…There were birds in the sky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _  
_[But I never saw them winging](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _  
_[No, I never saw them at all](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _  
_[‘Til there was you…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _

It’s definitely the Beatles. He looks down at Shane’s letter.

**3\. Okay, so I will admit that this is one I had to get from my Dad. I don’t actually personally own any Beatles music. But I like this version because for once it’s a guy’s voice and since there’s no pronouns, they didn’t change it to sound like they are obviously singing to a girl. Also the girl on my _Music Man_ soundtrack has sort of an annoying voice. None of this is very important though. What’s important is that…this is a little hard to explain. I think on some level I always knew that I wasn’t “straight” and I just thought, like, that I could ignore it and it was just like this secret, shameful part of me and I would wish it away and wish it away and I just really would have given anything to not be like this. And then the second you kissed me, it was like I realized that maybe…maybe it’s okay to be who I am, and maybe I can be happy after all. And suddenly colors were brighter, and I could really breathe for the first time, and…now I am rambling. It’s a pretty song, right?**

_[…Then there was music and wonderful roses](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _  
_[They tell me in sweet fragrant meadows](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _  
_[Of dawn and dew](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _

_[There was love all around](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _  
_[But I never heard it singing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _  
_[No, I never heard it at all](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _  
_[Till there was you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU) _

Roy lies back down as the next song comes up, curling around the pillow.

_[Perhaps I had a wicked childhood](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[Perhaps I had a miserable youth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[There must have been a moment of truth…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _

**4\. I warned you that I was going to get mushy, right? Well, I wasn’t lying. I think that meeting you has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I don’t think I deserve you. So the only thing I can think is that maybe, at some point, I inadvertently did something good, like Maria, and that’s why the universe (or god, or whatever you want to call it) is allowing me to be with you.**

_[…For here you are, standing there, loving me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[Whether or not you should](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[So somewhere in my youth or childhood](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[I must have done something good](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[Nothing comes from nothing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[Nothing ever could](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[So somewhere in my youth or childhood](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[I must have done something…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _  
_[Something good](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k) _

Roy closes his eyes, blinking back dumb sentimental tears that are filling them up. Really? Crying at _The Sound of Music_? Is he his _mother_ now? He’s relieved when the next track starts.

_[Ooh, baby, anytime my world gets crazy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaleKN9GQ54) _  
_[ All I have to do](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaleKN9GQ54) _  
_[ to calm it,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaleKN9GQ54) _  
_[ Is just think of you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaleKN9GQ54) _  
_[ 'Cause when I think of you, baby,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaleKN9GQ54) _  
_[ Nothin' else seems to matter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaleKN9GQ54) _  
_[ 'Cause when I think of you, baby,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaleKN9GQ54) _  
_[ All I think about is our love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaleKN9GQ54) _

**5\. Remember how I told you that sometimes I get upset for like, no reason, or a stupid reason, and I can’t breathe? Well, it’s been happening a lot less lately. And when it does, it is only because I am thinking about losing you. This is not meant to make you feel guilty, or responsible for me, or anything. I just want you to know that you have made me happier than I’ve ever been. I hope I can make you half as happy as you’ve made me.**

Roy relaxes. Listening to Janet is a good palate cleanser. This song is not as deep as some of the others, and after what Shane said…how can he not realize how happy he’s made Roy? Does he really think that his feelings are one-sided? Roy’s mind starts to race again. Fortunately, the next song makes him burst out laughing.

_[I got chills, they're multiplyin', and I'm losin' control  
'Cause the power you're supplyin', it's electrifyin'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYQltuvKCD4) _

_[You better shape up, 'cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you  
You better shape up, you better understand, to my heart I must be true…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYQltuvKCD4) _

**6\. This one is your fault. You had to call me Sandy. I’ve forgiven you, by the way. And if you really want to do this for Halloween, I will consider it…FINE I’LL DO IT! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?? UGH!!! (Also…you know…you are the one that I want…honey.)**

_[…You're the one that I want (you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh, honey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYQltuvKCD4) _  
_[The one that I want (you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh, honey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYQltuvKCD4) _  
_[The one that I want (you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYQltuvKCD4) _  
_[The one I need (the one I need), oh yes indeed (yes indeed)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYQltuvKCD4) _

[ _You're the one that I want (you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYQltuvKCD4)

The song fades out and Roy is still giggling. Shane would actually be really cute as slutty end-of-the-movie Sandy. It still confuses Roy how strong his attraction was to him when he was dressed like a girl. He’s never liked a girl before, but something about Shane in that wig and heels was just so adorable and sexy.

_[If ever I would leave you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _  
_[It wouldn't be in summer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _  
_[Seeing you in summer, I never could go…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _

Roy’s brow wrinkles at this next song. He feels like it is vaguely familiar, but doesn’t immediately recognize it.

_[…But if I'd ever leave you,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _  
_[It couldn't be in autumn.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _  
_[How I'd leave in autumn I never will know...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _

**7\. I feel a little weird about this one because apparently my Mum was in love with Robert Goulet when she was a kid. Still, it’s a very romantic song and guess what? I could never leave you either. And guess what else? Another boy singing!**

_[…If ever I would leave you,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _  
_[How could it be in spring-time?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _  
_[Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _  
_[Oh, no! not in spring-time!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _  
_[Summer, winter or fall!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _  
_[No, never could I leave you at all!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU) _

Roy smiles and stretches. His boyfriend is so fucking cute it’s almost unbearable. The next song starts, and he laughs again. Shane is really going heavy on the Madonna in this mix. He approves.

_[You must be my Lucky Star](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU) _  
_['Cause you shine on me wherever you are](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU) _  
_[I just think of you and I start to glow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU) _  
_[And I need your light](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU) _  
_[And baby you know](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU) _

_[ Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight  
Starlight, [starbright] make everything all right…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU) _

**8\. I think I may have mentioned this already, but it bears repeating…I am so lucky to have met you. You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met. You are sexy, smart, handsome and kind. You are so funny that sometimes when I’m with you, my sides ache from laughing. I’ll never have to do a sit-up again! (Not that I ever did sit-ups before.) Thinking about you makes me feel warm all over. I would do anything for you.**

_[…Come on shine your heavenly body tonight  
'Cause I know you're gonna make everything all right](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU) _

_[You may be my lucky star  
But I'm the luckiest by far](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU) _

Roy turns over to his back as the last song begins, clutching the letter to his chest, savoring every word.

_[So many nights I sit by my window](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[Waiting for someone to sing me his song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[So many dreams I kept deep inside me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[Alone in the dark but now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[You've come along](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _

_[And you light up my life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[You give me hope](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[To carry on](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[You light up my days](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[and fill my nights with song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _

_[Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[Could it be finally I'm turning for home?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[Finally, a chance to say hey,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[I love you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[Never again to be all alone…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _

**9\. So…I think you’ve probably figured it out by now. That I am totally, completely, head-over-heels in love with you…**

Roy’s breath hitches. He had, of course, figured it out, but reading it in black and white was an entirely different story.

_[…And you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[You light up my life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[You give me hope](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[To carry on](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[You light up my days](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _  
_[And fill my nights with song…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA) _

**…I love you so much, my entire body aches. I love you so much, sometimes I can’t think, or even breathe. I love you so much, that the thought of you makes me feel like I’m flying, like I’ve never been alive before.**

[ _…It can't be wrong_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA)  
[ _When it feels so right_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA)  
[ _'Cause you_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA)  
[ _You light up my life, my life, my life, my life_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA)

**I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you. You don’t have to say it back. I realize that it’s only been a few weeks and probably you think I’m nuts. But I had to tell you, because it was killing me not to. I think that’s probably why I got so upset the other day. I think that’s why, when you left tonight (or, last night, since it’s 3 am now), I felt like my heart was in my throat and all I wanted to do was run after you and throw myself at you and never let you go. I think that’s why every time I have to say goodbye to you, I feel like I am dying a little bit.**  
**I will love you no matter what your response is. Even if there is no response and you think that I’m just some crazy dramatic kid and want nothing to do with me anymore…I will still love you. Hopefully I haven’t scared you off, though. Because I really, really, really love being with you. And I want to be with you forever. And if you will let me, I will.**  
**love always,**  
**Shane XO**

Roy is shaking as he puts the letter down. He has always been a little uncomfortable with this kind of raw, emotional honesty. He is astonished by Shane’s bravery and candor. He feels a slight breeze on his cheeks, and realizes that they are streaked with tears. He rubs his eyes, takes three deep breaths in a row, and then jumps up, grabbing his keys and racing up the steps two at a time.

*****

Roy rings the doorbell and waits impatiently on Shane’s front step. After an excruciating 30 seconds, Mrs. Jenek opens the door. “Hello, Roy. How are you this afternoon?”

“Hello Mrs. Jenek. Uh…I’m fine, ma’am, thanks. Is…is Shane home?” he shifts nervously.

“You’re not here to break his heart, are you?”

“N-no, ma’am.”

Mrs. Jenek smiles and opens the door wide to let him through. “He’s in his room. You can knock it off with that ma’am stuff please.”

“Yes, ma’a—I mean, okay, I will. Thank you,” Roy is breathing hard as he starts to climb the stairs.

“Oh and Roy?”

Roy turns around and looks down at her.

“Keep the door open, yeah?”

Roy nods, wincing a little bit.

Shane sits at his desk, bent over his math book, trying to breathe normally, and failing, taking ragged gulps. He heard Roy’s voice downstairs with Mum, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. Either this is going to be the best day of his life, or the worst. He feels sick.

A gentle knock sounds on the door. Shane would get up to answer it, but he doesn’t trust his legs right now. “Come in,” he calls weakly.

Roy opens the door, flushed. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Shane tries to look at him but his eyes swim with tears. Every atom in his body is trembling in terror.

Roy crosses his room in two strides, pulls him up, and takes his face in both hands. “I love you, too,” he whispers simply, tears falling from his eyes.

He captures Shane’s lips in a kiss, and it’s the sweetest, softest, gentlest kiss that ever was. Stars explode behind Shane’s eyelids, and he’s so dizzy that he has to lean on the desk for support.

Roy still has one hand cupping his face, and the other one encircles his waist, pulling him closer. Shane’s hands drift up to his hair and he grasps it in his fingers.

They separate, breathless and panting, and stare into each other’s eyes.

“You made me cry, asshole,” says Roy, and Shane laughs, pressing his face into his neck.

“I’m sorry,” Shane whispers.

“I mean, I forgive you…this time. But don’t make a habit of it.”

Shane looks at him again, eyes shining with joy. “I can’t promise anything,” he warns.

“Shit.” Roy nuzzles him gently.

*****

ANSWER KEY FOR SHANE’S MIX TAPE, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO KNOW AND COULDN’T TELL:

SIDE XXX

  1. [Physical (Olivia Newton-John)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz9VN40nCA)
  2. [Borderline (Madonna)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSaC-YbSDpo)
  3. [I’m Your Baby Tonight (Whitney Houston)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0oRnyXxIrY)
  4. [Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me ( _Rocky Horror Picture Show_ )](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRiZRMLGjCY)
  5. [Erotica (Madonna)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPGsjWpGO2s)
  6. [Fever (Peggy Lee)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGb5IweiYG8)
  7. [The Way That You Love Me (Paula Abdul)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5llY1gc9xPc)
  8. [Like a Prayer (Madonna)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ)



SIDE <3

  1. [Love at First Sight (Kylie Minogue)](https://youtu.be/wf421JsG004)
  2. [A Whole New World ( _Aladdin_ )](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ1Rb9hC4JY)
  3. [‘Til There Was You (Originally from _The Music Man_ , Beatles Cover)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUjFpdxFWHU)
  4. [Something Good ( _The Sound of Music_ )](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_ukUlu0x5k)
  5. [When I Think of You (Janet Jackson)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaleKN9GQ54)
  6. [You’re the One That I Want ( _Grease_ )](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYQltuvKCD4)
  7. [If Ever I Would Leave You ( _Camelot_ )](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZNUyvFNnzU)
  8. [Lucky Star (Madonna)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThHz9wlBeLU)
  9. [You Light Up My Life (Whitney Houston)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-fWxLjKzQA)




	8. TOW All the Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya's troublemaking cousin Willam comes to town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, Coco Montrese’s boy name is Martin Cooper. It’ll make sense later…  
> FYI #2, Mark-Paul Gosselaar played “Zack Morris” on Saved by the Bell. That will also make sense later.  
> Warnings: Anxiety attack, gay slurs, bullying

In the cafeteria, Shane sits cuddled against Roy’s back, floating on clouds of happiness, barely eating, as Roy shovels a sandwich into his mouth.

“I’m telling you guys,” says Katya, “you are gonna LOVE my cousin Willam. He is so fucking funny. And last year he got emancipated and moved to New York to be an actor. Oh my god, he’s so cool.”

“So you’ve said,” says Roy with his mouth full. Shane just sighs happily, his head against Roy’s shoulder.

A group of husky jocks approaches their table, snickering.

“Ooh, looks like Gaylock finally found another faggot to keep him company. Nice work, man,” the biggest one sneers, elbowing the redhead next to him.

Shane bolts upright, ice running through his veins.

Roy calmly takes a sip of his soda, taking Shane’s hand under the table. “Well, Brody, I had to dump your daddy. He was getting way too clingy and emotional every time I fucked him.”

The redhead stifles a laugh, while the others look shocked. Shane’s eyes widen.

“FUCK YOU, Haylock!” Brody shouts.

“Listen, when any of you starts getting laid, you can judge me and my boyfriend. Until then, fuck off…what are you smirking about, O’Brien? Siblings don’t count.”

The redhead’s skin turns pink and blotchy, sputtering “Wh-what…you fucking asshole, Roy!”

He storms off.

“Haylock, that was not cool. You know his sister is like, mentally retarded,” says Brody.

“That’s why it’s funny?” explains Roy. “What are your homophobic asses still doing here? Dumas, aren’t you late to meet your parole officer? And James…dude, we used to carpool together. What the fuck are you doing with these losers?”

A tall boy with light brown hair answers, “He…he was just messing with you, Roy. Sorry.” He pulls Brody away, trailed by a wiry brunette.

“Say hey to your daddy for me!” Roy calls after them, putting an arm around Shane, “Tell him I’ve traded up!” He waves sweetly, then turns back to the table and starts eating his sandwich again.

Alaska's mouth hangs open. “Dude…your boyfriend…is a fucking rock star,” she drawls to Shane.

“I know!” Shane breathes, gazing at Roy in awe.

Alyssa shakes her head. “Brody goes to my church. He’s such a jerk.”

Katya leans across the table to Roy, “I mean…Roy, seriously, that whole thing made me want to bend over and take it up the ass for you. I’m like—“

Alyssa groans, “Please stop!”

“And get in line,” says Shane, smirking.

“Touché!” Katya laughs. “Sorry, Shane, but I just really want your boyfriend’s big dick right now.”

“Katya!” Alyssa yells, exasperated.

“Come on, Alyssa, you should know all about big dicks! Your boyfriend is black.”

Alyssa blushes. “Shut up! Martin is not my boyfriend, anyway. He’s just my friend from dance class.”

“Martin Cooper?” asks Roy, and Alyssa nods. Roy bursts out laughing. “Yeah, Martin Cooper is gay. Like, raging fucking homo.”

“How do you know that?” Alyssa crosses her arms, narrowing her eyes at Roy.

“Well, let’s just say Martin Cooper isn’t saving himself for marriage like you, Alyssa,” Roy winks.

Alaska and Katya double over laughing as Alyssa pouts.

*****

Later on, when school gets out, Shane walks beside Roy to his car. They have almost two hours before Roy has to pick up his brother from soccer practice, and Roy’s house will be empty—his parents at work and his sisters either in class or working. Shane grips his hand.

“So…that Martin guy you mentioned earlier…”

“Yeah, what about him? I cannot believe Alyssa has a crush on him. That guy is such a screaming queen; her gaydar is seriously nonexistent.”

Shane’s skin starts to itch. He walks a few moments in silence. Roy looks over at him.

“You alright?”

After a beat, Shane asks softly, “So how long were you guys together?”

Roy bursts out laughing.

Shane puts one hand on his hip. “What is so funny?”

“I mean, Shane, we weren’t _together_. Like, I fucked the guy. Twice. We didn’t _date_.”

“Oh. So…how did you meet?”

“Well, we’re in the same class, and then we worked at a restaurant two summers ago, bussing tables. It was boring as hell. We fucked a couple of times. End of story.”

“Oh.”

“Why do you still sound weird?”

“I…is he cute?”

“Why, you looking to trade me in?” Roy teases, bumping Shane with his hip.

Shane huffs. “I’m serious.”

“He’s…he’s alright. It wasn’t really about that. It was just more that he was…you know…there.” Roy starts laughing again. “Seriously, baby, there were no feelings involved. You’re being crazy.”

They get into the car and Roy looks at Shane. His eyes are far away. Roy suddenly feels a little bad for being so dismissive.

“Shane…” Roy sighs. “I’m about to get real and vulnerable so don’t blink or you’ll miss it, okay?

Shane turns to him, eyes misty, and nods.

“I have fucked a few people before you. Three, to be exact. But…you are my first boyfriend.”

Shane looks skeptical, “I am?”

“Yes. Ask Katya if you don’t believe me. Before you, it was a few hookups. That’s it. Never more than a couple of times with the same person. I can tell you about them in more detail, but honestly there isn’t much to tell. I didn’t date them, I didn’t cuddle with them, I barely kissed them at all, and I certainly didn’t love any of them. I have only loved two people in my life. You…and Mark-Paul Gosselaar.”

Shane laughs, climbing over the gear shift to sit in his lap. “Yeah, Katya told me about you and Mark-Paul.”

Roy kisses Shane, enjoying the sweetness of the gum he just chewed. “Now get off me and buckle up. This emotional shit is cutting into our naked time.”

*****

Two days later, Katya throws open her front door for Shane excitedly, giving him a big hug. “So glad you’re here! Come on downstairs, he’s here and already killing me with stories about New York. Alyssa will be here any minute.”

Shane wishes Roy was there too, but Roy is at Eddie’s soccer game, being a supportive brother. When Shane offered to accompany him, he kissed him and said: “I love you too much to put you through the torture of an amateur sports game.” Shane follows Katya as she skips down the stairs to the family room, where a thin blonde with bleached, shaggy hair sits perched on the sofa, drinking a root beer.

“Willam! This is my friend Shane. Shane, meet my glorious douchebag of a cousin, Willam. He’s gonna be staying with us for a few weeks while he works on an indie film.”

“Indie film is a very generous description,” says Willam, “as is ‘works on.’ I’m a glorified extra who got the gig because I gave the Cinematographer a BJ. If I get any lines I’ll give him another one.”

Katya laughs, flopping down onto the sofa next to him.

“Hey Willam, nice to meet you,” says Shane.

“Nice to meet you, too, Shane,” says Willam, eyeing him up and down. “So, any other faggots around here, or are you the only one?”

Shane is slightly taken aback by his casual use of the word “faggot” but decides to roll with it. He doesn’t want to seem uncool. “Uh…well, there’s my boyfriend, Roy.”

“Boyfriend! Well isn’t she fancy? I never had a boyfriend in High School. I was fat and hideous. Although I still managed to catch a lot of dick. Just no one who wanted to look at me from the front.”

“I…I’m sure that’s not true. You’re very cute.”

“Yeah, NOW. Don’t worry, I’m not like, some whiny pussy with no self-esteem. I’m telling it like it is. Or, was. So anyway, I hear you like to dress in drag. You shouldn’t do that shit for free though. You can make okay money doing drag but like really good money if you’re willing to take it up the ass while you’re dressed up.”

Shane raises his eyebrows, smiling as Alyssa waltzes down the stairs. He likes Katya’s douchebag cousin already, and can’t wait to see Alyssa’s reaction to him.

*****

Shane giggles as he regales Roy with stories from this afternoon, lying on his bed as Roy fiddles with the boombox. “So then Willam reached under Katya’s skirt to try and freak her out, but it was Katya so she was just like ‘A little higher…yeah that’s my clit.’ And Alyssa SCREAMED and was like ‘YOU GUYS ARE RELATED THIS IS NOT OKAY.’ And Willam was like ‘Gurl, you are country as fuck. I bet your family tree doesn’t branch. We’re only second cousins, it’s fine.’” He collapses, gasping with laughter.

Roy walks over and sits on the bed, “So…you had fun, then?”

“Oh my god, yeah,” Shane wipes the tears from his eyes. “Oh, and then Willam was like ‘Besides, you may not have noticed, but I’m a fucking homo’ and—“

“So you really like this Willam kid, huh?” Roy grips the blankets.

“What? Oh, yeah, Katya was right, he’s really cool, and so funny.”

Roy’s stomach feels strange. He suddenly feels like a complete asshole for laughing at Shane’s fleeting jealousy the other day.

“I’m just so happy there’s another gay guy around. You’re totally gonna love him.” Shane crawls towards Roy on the bed. “Kiss me,” he demands.

Roy leans forward, acutely aware that Shane’s bedroom door is open and his mom is home, but unable to resist his pouty mouth, or the way he’s looking at him. He puts a hand on his waist and kisses him softly. Shane grabs his face and deepens the kiss, and Roy leans into it, getting more and more heated. Shane climbs into his lap and Roy tries to protest, but all that comes out is a soft whimper…

Suddenly a voice rings out. “Boys!” calls Mrs. Jenek from the bottom of the stairwell, “Just want to let you know that Roy is welcome to stay for dinner!”

Roy breaks away from Shane, breathless, and looks at him fearfully, whispering, “I don’t know if I can handle being at the table with you, your parents, and my boner.”

“They’re used to it. Mine’s been there every night for weeks,” Shane confesses.

Roy dissolves into laughter, hugging him close.

*****

On Saturday, Roy finally gets the chance to meet this amazingly wonderful cousin of Katya’s. He and Shane meet Katya and Willam at the mall for lunch and a movie. They cuddle into a circular vinyl booth at Judy’s, a 50’s style diner, and order burgers, fries, and milkshakes.

As the waiter sets their food on the table, Shane immediately goes for Roy’s fries.

Roy slaps his hand away, “Hey! You said you didn’t want any fries with your vegetarian monstrosity.”

“I didn’t. I want yours. Pleeease?” he pouts, sticking out his lower lip and running his hand up Roy’s thigh.

Roy rolls his eyes and feeds him a couple of fries, smiling in spite of himself.

“Thanks,” Shane says coyly, picking up his milkshake and tonguing the straw.

“Ugh, you two are DISGUSTING. Are they always like this?” Willam asks Katya.

Katya laughs, nodding. “Pretty much. Their bliss is repulsive, right?”

“Totally. Goddamn. Teenage homos aren’t supposed to be this happy. It’s unnatural.”

Shane laughs.

“So, what do you guys do when you aren’t staring into each other’s eyes like a couple of fucking assholes?”

Shane continues to laugh, leaning his head against Roy’s shoulder. Roy isn’t so sure he likes this (allegedly) hilarious kid. “Mostly we just fuck each other, got a problem with that?” Shane grins at Willam, batting his eyelashes.

“No, that’s cool. Get it, girl.” He holds up his hand to high-five Shane.

“Roy, what’s with you?” Katya says. “You’re being quiet, it’s freaking me out.”

“No I’m not,” Roy frowns.

Willam smiles sweetly at him. “Hey Roy, Katya told me you’re like, super hung. So if this sassy little princess isn’t doing it for you, I’m always in the market for some dick.”

Shane dissolves into giggles again, throwing some of Roy’s fries at Willam. “Back off, bitch, he’s mine!”

Willam kicks Shane gently under the table and Shane kicks him back.

Seriously? They’re playing _footsie_ now? Roy grinds his teeth.

Shane turns to Roy, slipping a hand around his waist and kissing his neck. Katya smirks at Roy.

“Baby, your food’s gonna get cold,” Roy says, a smile creeping back onto his face.

“Yeah, _baby_ , eat your lunch. Listen to daddy,” Willam mocks.

Katya chokes on her milkshake, doubling over with laughter, as Roy glares at Willam.

“I’m not hungry,” Shane murmurs into Roy’s neck.

“Uh oh, baby’s gonna get a spanking,” Willam says.

Shane stops kissing Roy and throws some more fries at Willam’s face.

“Don’t be naughty, baby,” Willam pinches Shane’s thigh. Shane squeals and slaps his hand away, and then Willam escalates things by grabbing some of the fries that landed in his lap and shoving them into Shane’s mouth. Shane giggles, cowering against Roy. “That’s right, baby, daddy will protect you.”

Roy closes his eyes, fighting a strong desire to punch Willam in the jaw.

*****

The group strolls through the mall on their way to the movie theatre. Shane spots a store that he loves and runs ahead, checking out the window. Katya grabs Roy’s arm and pulls him back, saying, “You seriously seem wigged out by something, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Roy shrugs her off.

Willam catches up to Shane first. “Wow, baby’s got a pretty cute butt. I see what daddy likes about you.” He slaps Shane on the ass and Shane shrieks.

Roy lunges forward and grabs Willam by the scruff of his shirt, yanking him back and getting in his face. His blood is boiling as he grits his teeth and speaks in a low, terrifying voice. “Do not. Fucking. Touch him. Again.”

Willam, scared but also slightly amused at Roy’s overblown reaction, says “Okay, I’m sorry!...Daddy.”

Roy rears back as if to punch him and Willam ducks, covering his face and head.

“I’m kidding I’m kidding! Sorry sorry sorry.”

Panting, Roy steps back. He looks over at Katya, who has her arms crossed and eyebrow cocked, and Shane, whose mouth hangs open in shock.

“You’re fine, huh?” Katya challenges, a smug ' _I told you so'_ written all over her face.

“FUCK YOU, KATYA!” Roy screams, and storms off, ducking into a narrow hallway.

He pounds his fist against the wall beside a water fountain. The searing pain courses through his body. He leans his forehead against the wall. What the fuck is wrong with him? Why does he ruin everything? Tears prick at his eyes.

“Hey,” says a soft voice from behind him.

He turns around to see Shane, his eyes filled with worry. Roy slides down the wall and sits on the cold, hard floor, his head in his hands. Shane kneels down in front of him. “I’m sorry,” Roy whispers brokenly, unable to meet Shane’s eyes.

“I’m…a little confused what happened back there.”

“What I knew would happen eventually. That I would fuck up, and you’d see that I’m not what you thought I was. That I can’t ever live up to what you wanted me to be. That I don’t deserve you. That I’m just…” his breath hitches, as tears spill from his eyes.

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“Fuck, Shane, I’m…I’m loud, and aggressive, I’m jealous and possessive, and I have this fucking temper that…and you’re…”

“I’m what? A delicate little sissy-boy who can’t handle you losing your cool, ever?”

Roy finally looks up, and seeing his face, with the tears streaking down his cheeks, breaks Shane’s heart. To Shane, Roy is the sun. _He_ thinks he doesn’t deserve _Shane_? Is he blind? Shane touches his face gently.

“I’m not as much of a pussy as you think I am,” Shane says with a soft smile.

“I didn’t say—“

“You think I haven’t seen the real you? That somehow the person I fell in love with doesn’t exist? Well, he does exist. And he’s sitting right here in front of me. I love you, and not some fantasy boy I made up in my head. I love the real you. For the record, I’ve known you were loud and aggressive since the first day I met you. Are there some things about you I don’t know? Probably, sure, of course. But I can’t wait to find them out.”

He cradles Roy’s head in his hands. Roy closes his eyes and reaches for Shane, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his face into his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I just seriously couldn’t handle the way he was flirting with you,” he whispers.

“Flirting? I didn’t even think he was flirting. I thought he was taunting me like…like a brother or something.”

Roy laughs weakly, looking up at him. “I have a brother, Shane. I don’t call him a _naughty baby_ and tell him he has a cute butt.”

“I’m sorry, I really would have told him to knock it off earlier if I knew it was bothering you. It kind of…it reminded me of how you and Katya tease each other, like just friendly and silly.”

“I should have said something. I just…snapped. I’m so sorry, baby.” He leans against Shane again.

“You don’t have to apologize…to me. You might want to apologize to Willam. You scared the shit out of him,” Shane laughs.

“Oh, god…”

“He’ll be fine. And I guarantee he will never, ever, touch my ass again.”

“Good!”

“And…can I tell you something…that I sort of feel bad about?”

“Go ahead,” Roy says, lifting his face and looking up at Shane.

“Um…when you grabbed him and got all aggressive…it was…sort of hot. Or, well, really hot.”

Roy laughs, pulling Shane closer so that he’s straddling him. “You sick fuck.”

Shane runs his fingers through Roy’s hair, pulling on it gently. “Yeah, I’m the worst. Maybe I do need a spanking.” He grinds down into Roy’s lap, biting his lip.

Roy groans, and growls in a low, raspy voice, “just so you know, we are skipping the movie.”


	9. TOW RENT!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Roy takes Shane to see RENT, he doesn't anticipate the evening going the way it does...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for an anxiety attack situation and mild self harm.
> 
> Also, I guess I need to have a disclaimer that this chapter contains RENT spoilers.

Shane kneels on Roy’s bed, hanging onto the slats on his headboard, while Roy drives into him over and over, both of them dripping with sweat. The Haylocks are having an issue with their furnace and Roy’s bedroom is like a sauna today. Not that anything would have stopped them. It’s been almost two weeks since they had the house to themselves and Shane loves it when he can make as much noise as he wants to, without fear of being heard…or the cops showing up, which luckily they’ve avoided every time they fooled around in Roy’s car.

Roy doesn’t care about the heat. He actually thinks it’s sexy how flushed and sweaty Shane is at the moment. His arms are wrapped around him from behind, and his face is buried into his neck. He can smell the sweet citrus scent of his shampoo. Roy realizes that the smell of oranges and grapefruit is going to turn him on for the rest of his life. Shane reaches one hand up to grab Roy’s hair, pulling on it and causing Roy to shudder and pump faster.

Shane is moaning loudly and thrusting backwards against him. When one of Roy’s hands drifts down to stroke his dick, his head leans back onto Roy’s shoulder, eyes shut and mouth parted, and turns towards Roy’s face. From this angle, Roy begins to kiss him and lick him and when Roy teases his nipples with his other hand, he is so hot and delirious that ecstasy doesn’t even begin to describe his state of mind.

Fire races through Shane’s body. Every nerve feels sensitive, every part of him feels euphoric. His mind is empty and the only thing he knows is Roy, Roy, Roy… He comes in Roy’s hand, body wracked with spasms, practically blacking out from pure bliss. Roy brings his hand up to lick his fingers, his mouth still against Shane’s. Shane can taste himself on Roy’s hand. His eyes are rolled back into his head as Roy comes, straining against him.

Roy is dizzy with the taste of Shane on his tongue, the feel of his ass and the curve of his spine, the smell of him, sweet and musky and fresh and…something undefinable that makes Roy unbearably happy. He is now clenching and unclenching around him, driving Roy to deeper depths of euphoria as he erupts inside of him.

Afterwards, they lie panting on top of the sheets, legs tangled together, sticky with sweat. Roy delves his tongue into Shane’s mouth, pushing away the hair that was matted against his forehead, caressing his burning pink cheeks, tracing lines down his back, which is still damp with both of their sweat. Roy’s hand comes to rest on Shane’s hip.

Shane touches Roy’s plush lips with the tip of his finger and they part slightly. He leans forward and sucks on his bottom lip, running his hands down his smooth, slick chest. He comes away, eyes bleary with passion. “I can’t even believe how much I love you,” he whispers.

Roy smiles lazily and snuggles in closer. “I am the luckiest person alive. You are…you are everything.”

Shane presses his face into Roy’s neck, too overcome to say anything else.

Roy holds him close for a few moments and then whispers, “I have a present for you.”

“Another one?” Shane murmurs, not looking up.

Roy laughs. “Yeah, another one. My dick is not all you’re getting today.”

“Is it Christmas?”

Roy kisses the top of his head, reaching behind him into his nightstand drawer and pulling out an envelope. “I didn’t put a bow on it or anything.” He hands it to Shane, saying “So this musical has been blowing up on Broadway. Katya is obsessed with it; she made me listen to the soundtrack about 20 times this summer. I thought since you love musicals even more than I do, it would be fun to see it together when it comes to New Orleans. We could go out to dinner beforehand, like somewhere nice…you know, a real date.”

Shane looks at the tickets in his hand, to RENT next weekend, and his mouth opens in shock and delight. “I’ve heard of this show! Oh my god! This is amazing!” he pushes Roy onto his back and climbs on top of him, attacking him with kisses.

“Glad you like the idea,” Roy giggles breathlessly.

What Shane doesn’t say, because he doesn’t want to seem childish, is that the idea of going on a formal date, getting dressed up, eating in a real restaurant that won’t have ketchup on the table, sounds like the most adult thing he’s ever done. For one evening, he’ll be able to pretend that they aren’t bound by curfews and parents and homework and that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want. What Shane doesn’t know is that Roy is thinking the same thing.

*****

 During dinner, Shane has to fight with himself to sit still. He is so excited, he can barely contain himself. The only thing that would make this night any more perfect is if he didn’t have the dumb cowlick in his hair. But no matter…he is here with Roy, eating a gruyere and mushroom soufflé, watching Roy dig into a coq au vin. (Shane can’t help giggling at the name, though. Sometimes it’s okay to still be 14.) They sip sparkling water and his ginger ale comes in a champagne glass. He feels so happy he could burst into a million pieces.

“Katya played me _Seasons of Love_ and oh my god, it is so good. She says I remind her of one of the characters named Angel but she wouldn’t tell me anything about them or even if they were a boy or a girl, ha. And she wouldn’t tell me the story because she doesn’t want to ruin it but she said it’s based on _La Boheme_ and I went to the library to look up _La Boheme_ and it’s like, a bunch of artists living together in the city and I think that will translate really well into modern times, don’t you?”

Roy grins at him, nodding, enjoying how happy he is, loving his breathless, excited chattering, how enthusiasm makes his accent even more pronounced. If they weren’t in this fancy restaurant, Roy would throw him on the table and pounce right now.

“Oh! And she said like half the characters are gay. Did you know that?”

“Yeah, I knew—“

“I can’t believe that, it’s so cool!” Shane wriggles in his seat, eyes glittering. He reaches across the small table for Roy’s hand. Shane realizes he hasn’t shut up for ten minutes and squeezes his hand. Roy squeezes back, smiling at him. Those dimples. “What are you thinking about?” Shane asks softly.

“I’m thinking…that I love you so much, and this is the perfect day…and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather share it with.”

Shane’s eyes mist over and he presses Roy’s hand to his cheek, so full of joy that for a moment he forgets to breathe.

*****

They find their seats minutes before the lights dim. Roy basically knows the story but Shane is hearing the music for the first time. He looks over at him often. Shane is clearly enjoying the show immensely. He leans against Roy’s shoulder during “One Song, Glory” and casts wicked glances during “Light My Candle.” He laughs and claps during “Tango Maureen” and “Today 4 You.” He’s pensive and still during “Will I?” When “I’ll Cover You” starts, he takes Roy’s hand into his lap and holds it in both of his, eyes getting a tiny bit glassy. He gets bouncy and giggly again during “Over the Moon” and by the end of “La Vie Boheme” he is ecstatically happy, jumping to his feet and cheering loudly while the stage lights fade out.

During intermission, he raves about everything, holding onto Roy’s arm. “Oh my god, I seriously love Angel and Collins, they are so cute! And Maureen is hilarious, she reminds me a little of Katya. And isn’t ‘Light My Candle’ such a good song? But it made me a little worried because there’s a character in _La Boheme_ named Mimi who dies and I really don’t want her to die. Does she die? Don’t tell me. Oh my god, how good was ‘I’ll Cover You’? And the end at the café? I wish I knew all the words. I love this show so much, thank you babe!”

While Shane ducks into the restroom, Roy gets on the souvenir line. He’s almost to the front when Shane comes out.

“What are you getting?” Shane asks.

“Oh, I think someone here needs the cast recording.”

“Me? Oh thank you!” Shane squeals.

“CD or tape?”

“Well I don’t have a CD player yet, but I’m asking for one for Christmas, so…”

“Tell you what, I’ll get you the CD and I can make you a tape, so you can have both.”

Shane hugs him tightly. “You are the best boyfriend in the whole world,” he murmurs.

“Mmm, I don’t think so, but maybe I’m a close second.” He kisses Shane on the cheek and hears a girl’s voice behind him say “Awww…” He snickers softly. Thanks, _RENT_.

Back in their seats, they catch the tail end of a conversation between the well-dressed middle-aged couple sitting beside them.

“…so wonderful how diverse the show is. It’s so modern,” says the woman.

“Yes, it feels very progressive. I love that the wealthy landlord is African-American,” the man responds.

“And the lawyer! And of course the fact that they are talking about HIV is so important.”

Roy turns to Shane, rolling his eyes and making a “jerking off” hand gesture. Shane covers his mouth, laughing. The house lights dim shortly, taking them into the second act. Once again, Roy finds himself paying as much attention to Shane’s reactions as he does to the show on stage.

Shane grins throughout “Seasons of Love” and bounces in his seat during “Happy New Year.” After the first verse of “Take Me or Leave Me,” he turns to Roy and mouths “Katya,” laughing. He clutches Roy’s arm during “Without You,” clearly distressed at seeing Angel getting sick. During “Contact,” he perks up a little bit, sending sly looks over to Roy. And then…

When Angel dies, Shane sits, frozen in shock, as the characters start to give their eulogies. Soon tears are sliding down his cheeks. Roy puts an arm around him and by the time Collins sings the reprise of “I’ll Cover You,” he is shaking with sobs, gasping for breath. Roy starts to worry that he might actually hyperventilate.

He quickly pulls him into his lap, rocking him gently, whispering, “It’s okay, it’s okay,” into his hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Shane whimpers, breath hitching, tears still pouring down his face.

“I’m so sorry baby, I’m sorry,” Roy kisses his temples.

The middle-aged douchbags next to them shoot Roy dirty looks, either for making noise or being gay in public, Roy isn’t sure.

He glares right back at them challengingly, saying, “So you only support gay people when they are dying of AIDS? Cute.”

Shane’s sobs begin to subside, but Roy continues to hold him. By the end of “Goodbye Love,” he seems to be himself again, until Mimi sings “Hello disease…”

He turns to Roy, eyes frantic, and Roy says, “She’s not gonna die. She’s not, I promise. Okay?”

Shane nods and relaxes a little, as the woman next to them shoots another dirty look over, huffing.

“Fuck you, lady,” Roy snaps, thrilled when Shane suppresses a small giggle.

He rests his head on top of Shane’s and they continue to watch the show. During the finale, when Mimi has her near death moment, Shane tenses up, but Roy holds him tight, muttering, “She’s okay, she’s okay, don’t worry.”

*****

In the car, Shane seems like himself, but still looks a little pale. When they pull into his driveway, Roy takes his hand and says, “I’m really sorry for not telling you the story ahead of time. I didn’t…I’m just sorry.”

Shane smiles, but his eyes don’t glimmer as usual, and he kisses Roy’s hand. “That’s okay. I’m sorry I…I’m sorry for getting all hysterical. Thank you so much for tonight. I hope you don’t feel bad because I was such…” Shane sighs. “I hope I didn’t ruin it. It was great.“

“You didn’t ruin it,” Roy says.

Shane smiles. “Okay. Good.”

Normally by now Shane would be grinding in his lap, moaning in his ear. Roy feels mildly uneasy but doesn’t want to make him worry. “Um. If you leave that CD, I’ll make you the tape.”

“Okay. Thanks. I should probably…probably get inside. Thank you again.”

“You are very welcome.”

Shane leans over and kisses him on the cheek, soft and brief. “Goodnight, Roy. I love you.”

“Goodnight, Shane. I love you too.”

*****

Shane sits, fingers digging into his mattress, heart thumping, thoughts swirling in his head. Why does he have to be this way? Is he doomed? Is his life going to be filled with death and loss no matter what he does? But then he thinks…no. He can take control. He has to take control. Before everything spirals out and it’s too late.

He pulls a box out from under his bed and looks into it, tears blurring his vision. A blond wig from Alaska…a pair of heels…a padded bra…dance tights. Blinking back tears, he carries the box to his desk and pulls out a pair of scissors. Shaking, he picks up the tights and slices them into shreds. He cuts through the straps on the shoes. He cuts the bra, ripping open the cups and pulling the padding out. Tears drip down his face. Finally, he picks up the wig and starts to hack at the long blond locks, cutting and cutting until it is nothing but short, spiky strands sticking out. He cuts up the cap for good measure.

He wipes his face off with his sleeve and grabs the box, padding down the stairs and into the kitchen, where he pulls a trash bag out of the cabinet and carries everything outside to the trash cans, bare feet freezing on the stone driveway. He stuffs the contents of the box into the trash bag, wrapping it several times, and buries it at the bottom of the can. He takes the box and crushes it beneath his feet, then folds it up and throws that away, too.

Running back into the house and up the stairs, he slams his bedroom door behind him and steps up to the mirror. He touches his delicate chin, his high cheekbones now covered with a fresh flood of tears. He scratches down his face, trying to rip the tears away with his nails. “Stop it,” he says to himself, as faint red lines appear in his cheeks, “You are normal. You are normal. You are normal.” He backs away from the mirror and flings himself face down onto the bed, sobbing into his pillow, crying until he is so wrung out and exhausted that he drifts off into a fitful sleep.

*****

When he walks through the cafeteria with Roy on Monday, Katya waves to them excitedly. They approach the table, setting their trays down.

“Hey,” Shane says, “how was your weekend?”

“Awesome!” Alyssa responds. “Yesterday, we did this thing at my church, where—“

“Yeah yeah yeah, Jesus whatever, praise be to him,” Katya brushes her off dismissively, causing muffled laughter from Alaska and a grin from Roy. “What about you?! You saw my favorite fucking play ever!”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Well? How was it, Angel?” she winks at him.

Shane tries to keep his breathing steady as his hands start to tremble. The walls start to cave in and his chest feels tight. He rises unsteadily. Roy reaches over to him and he pushes him away, stumbling back from the table and running out of the room.

“Nice going, cunt,” Roy spits angrily.

“What? I don’t get it; that was supposed to be a compliment. I love Angel! She’s the best character in the whole show.”

“ANGEL DIES OF AIDS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! DON’T CALL HIM ANGEL!” Roy roars at her. He stands up and storms off.

“But…Shane doesn’t have AIDS,” Katya says under her breath, confused.

Roy finds Shane on the ground behind the cafeteria, his back to the wall, face pressed into his knees. He slides down the wall and sits beside him, saying nothing, because he doesn’t know what to say. This is not about a play anymore. He feels helpless.

Shane lifts his head and leans back against the wall. His eyes are red and watery. “I don’t want to dress like a girl anymore.”

“Okay,” says Roy.

Shane presses his head against the wall until it aches. His face is twisted in pain. He clutches his knees to his chest. He lets out a sob. “Why am I like this?”

“Like what?” Roy asks gently.

“I don’t want to BE a girl, but I liked…I liked the way it felt to put on those clothes and why? Why did I like it so much? Why did I feel like I was breaking apart when I cut up that wig? What…what is wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you.”

“Then why…why am I so scared? Why do I want to rip off my skin and become someone else? Why do I feel like everything is spinning out of control? Why can’t I breathe? Why can’t…can’t,” he gulps.

Roy is now crying too. He has no idea what to do. Seeing Shane tormented like this is killing him. “Shane, is…isn’t your dad a doctor? Or…something? Maybe he can help?”

“I can’t tell him! I can’t tell him, or my mother, they wouldn’t understand. I just…I don’t want to be sick, I don’t want you to die. I can’t…I can’t deal with this, I don’t…Why does everything have to be so hard?”

“I…I don’t know. But…isn’t it better to deal with it together? And, Shane, you’re not sick. I mean…are you really worried about HIV right now? Or…”

“You said you’d slept with three other people.”

“Yeah.”

“And those people were not virgins. You said that.”

“Right. But I—“

“And so I was thinking, how many people had those people slept with? And then what about the people that slept with those people? And, and what about drugs? And what about—”

“Okay, yeah, I get it. The world is really scary sometimes. Do…do you want me to get tested? Do you want to get tested? Would that…would that make you feel better?” Roy asks, touching his arm gently.

“Maybe.”

“Okay, then let’s do that. We can do it this week. I’ve been tested once before, and it was…it was no big deal. Fast. To be honest, this is a pretty smart thing to do.”

“Okay,” Shane says softly, eyes still bloodshot and a little vacant.

“Is…is that it? Or…” Roy can feel the blood draining from his face as he suddenly realizes the depth of what Shane was saying earlier. Does he want to break up? Roy reminds himself that this is about Shane, not him, and yet he shivers, ice running through his veins. Why the FUCK did he think a goddamn musical about AIDS and death was a good idea? Why didn’t he wait a month and take him to _South Pacific_? Or even _Chicago_? In the smallest voice he’s ever used, Roy ventures, “Shane…are you…do you want…do you still—“ His voice breaks and he can’t seem to finish the sentence.

Shane turns to him, looking directly into his eyes for the first time all day. “I’m sorry for freaking out all the time. I…I understand if you don’t want to put up with me anymore.”

“I am not going anywhere. I love you more every day, Shane.”

Shane leans into him, sighing, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Roy gathers him into his arms. “Don’t be sorry, baby. I’ve got you.”

“Maybe we should have left at intermission. I just…I don’t want to be Angel.”

Roy holds him delicately, as if he might break. “Katya’s a fucking asshole. You’re not Angel.” He strokes his hair and looks into his eyes, saying, “You…you are sunshine.”

Shane rests his head against Roy’s chest, breathing in the scent of him and feeling so grateful for him that he can’t believe it. “I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you too,” Roy whispers back.


	10. TOW Shane Is Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a trip to the health clinic, Shane begins to feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: Explicit
> 
> Other note: The advice/guidance that the counselor gives Shane is meant to be what a young, inexperienced counselor would say to him at a free clinic in 1996. Words like “questioning” and “genderqueer” and “fluid,” etc were not really used. This counselor sees him as someone with gender identity issues and immediately pegs him as trans. It is by no means representative of the mental health community and especially not today.

“Hey Liz…can I talk to you for a minute?” Roy stands in the doorway of his sister’s bedroom. She looks up from the book she’s reading and beckons him in.

He shuts the door behind him and sits down on the bed by her feet. “Yikes, a door closed conversation? Who died?” She then sees Roy’s anguished expression and puts a hand to her heart, “Oh shit, nobody actually died, did they?”

Roy shakes his head.

“What’s going on?”

“Um…it’s Shane. I don’t…I don’t really know what to do. Like he gets these…I don’t know, I guess they are like panic attacks? And lately…lately it’s been really bad. It used to be that I could make him feel better, but now, it’s like his anxiety just skyrocketed. He thinks there’s something wrong with him, but like, there’s nothing wrong with him.”

“Roy, if someone is having panic attacks, you can’t fix that. He should see a doctor.”

“I think so too, but he doesn’t want to talk to his parents. He’s just…he’s so freaked out about so many things. He says he thinks he’s broken. And he thinks he’s gonna get sick, because of us.”

Liz frowns. “Sick?”

“Well, I took him to see RENT.”

“Oh. OH! Oh my god! Shit Roy, why didn’t you make it a really fun night and finish off with _Philadelphia_?”

“Not funny, Liz.”

“It wasn’t meant to be. Of course he’s freaked out. And I mean, should he be? Are you guys sleeping together? Are you being safe? Have you been safe? Have you been tested?”

Roy cringes.

“We’re being safe, yes, thanks for the lecture. And I was tested, like a year ago, but I’m gonna go with him to get tested again, together. I am sure everything is fine, but…I mean I think it’s a good idea to do it. Maybe it will help. But…I’m just so scared, Liz. He seems like…I don’t know, so different. Resigned, somehow? Sad? I…I can’t put my finger on it, but I—“ Roy wipes his eyes. He can’t remember the last time he cried in front of his eldest sister. “—I can’t lose him, Liz.”

“Hey. Listen. He’s, what, twelve?” Liz grins.

“Hilarious. He’s almost fifteen.”

“Roy, don’t you remember what it was like to be that age? You’re up, you’re down, you feel like a king one second and the little match girl the next. You laugh for twenty minutes and then you feel like screaming your head off. Everything feels too big to handle, and you’re totally helpless and out of control. Any of this ringing any bells?”

“It feels bigger than just hormones. I…I don’t know.”

“Look, you’re not his dad. You are his boyfriend. All you can do is listen, and be there for him, and if you think it’s serious, really try to get him to seek professional help.”

Roy flops down on the bed.

“They do a little counseling thing at the clinic. After they give you the results. Maybe I’ll encourage him to open up to them.”

“There ya go. Look, it’s scary to think about all this stuff. I’m sure he’ll be fine. Things will totally even out once he graduates from elementary school.”

“I fucking hate you, Liz.”

“Aww, I hate you too, bro.”

*****

Shane exits the counselor’s office, a mixture of both relief and confusion swirling around in his head. Of course, he’s happy with his test results, but everything else she said…

Roy jumps up from his seat in the waiting room. They meet in the middle of the room, and Shane lets Roy embrace him tightly. An older man in the corner rolls his eyes and suddenly Roy feels like they are on display. He puts his arm around Shane’s shoulders and leads him outside.

Once they are safely in the car, he says, “So…you were in there for awhile. Is…everything okay? Were you talking to her about stuff?”

“Um, I mean I’m healthy. So don’t worry about anything.”

“I’m sure you’re healthy, I didn’t expect anything else. I was just…I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But I was just curious what you guys might be talking about.”

“It…it’s weird. It’s gonna freak you out.”

“Try me,” Roy says, looking at him intently.

Shane shakes his head.

“She…I don’t know, she said a bunch of stuff that…I mean I told her about when I destroyed all the drag stuff, and she said…” Shane presses his lips together.

Roy reaches over and takes his hand, “What did she say?”

“It doesn’t make any sense," Shane says, brow furrowed. "She said it sounds like I…that I want to be a woman. Which…I mean that’s not true. I tried to explain to her that I like being a guy, but it’s just…I also like dressing up, but then after the play I felt really confused about everything and I just had this need to destroy that part of myself. To…get rid of any link to it. I wasn’t sure why, and this woman, Nadia, said it’s probably because I am trans and I’m in denial.”

“Wow.”

Shane wipes his eyes.

“I told you it would freak you out.”

“I’m not freaked out. I just want you to be able to tell me how you…I mean it would be okay if you—“

“I know but it’s not true!” Shane exclaims.

“So…you think she’s…not right about it?”

“She’s not right. She’s not right, I just…I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. Can we talk about something else, please?”

“Okay, but…I mean, did you tell her about feeling like you can’t breathe? I’m sorry, I just really worry and I—“

“Yes! Sorry, yes, I mean I tried, that’s what I started with. And so she told me to tell about the last time it happened. But thing is, I know it happens when it has nothing to do with that at all. So…I don’t know, I think she just didn’t get it. I told my mom that sometimes I feel really anxious and she gave me some breathing exercises. Why are you frowning?”

“I mean, okay, breathing exercises are fine, but like, have you considered actual medicine?”

Shane laughs. “My parents don’t believe in that. I mean unless it’s something really serious like a heart attack or whatever.”

“You don’t think it would be serious if you hyperventilated?”

“I just…I’m supposed to have control over it. I’ll be fine. I promise. Stop looking at me like that.”

“Sorry. I just wish I could help you.”

“You have helped me,” Shane sighs. “But what I really want now…is just to pretend that none of this ever happened. Can we please do that? I just…I want to go back to the way it was before.”

“Okay,” says Roy softly. “Maybe…do you want to come over for dinner?”

Shane smiles and leans forward, nodding. He catches Roy’s lips in a tender kiss, winding his arms around his neck. Tasting him for the first time since the night of the play. Relief floods through Shane’s body.

Later, that evening, Shane sits on Roy’s bed, doing his math homework. Roy sits at his desk, reading “Crime and Punishment.” Shane finishes the last problem and then stretches, tossing his binder and math book to the floor. He leans back against Roy’s pillows and watches him for a few moments, until Roy feels his eyes and looks up.

“Hi,” says Shane, tilting his head to the side.

Roy sticks a bookmark in his novel and snaps it shut. “Hey…”

The space between them suddenly feels like miles. Shane reaches his arms out to Roy, beckoning him over. Roy crawls onto the bed, sitting by Shane’s bare feet, which Shane rubs against his lap. Roy slides his hands slowly up Shane’s legs, under his baggy cargo shorts, stroking his thighs. Shane sighs, loving the feeling of those strong, smooth hands against his skin, unable to process how he’s lasted almost a week without him. His hips start to buck slightly. Roy kisses his stomach and a soft whimper escapes his lips.

“Oh, god, Roy, I’ve missed you so much.”

Roy looks up at him.

“I didn’t go anywhere.”

Shane touches his face, whispering, “I know. I’m sorry.”

Roy presses Shane’s hand to his cheek, and kisses his palm.

“Seriously, why do you put up with me?”

Roy pauses for a second before replying, “Well, you’re really hot.”

Shane laughs and slaps Roy lightly on the cheek.

“Dickhead.”

“Oh, feeling a little fresh, huh?” Roy starts tickling his sides and he shrieks with laughter.

“Roy…don’t…stop!” he cries breathlessly, in between giggles.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t hear you, did you say ‘don’t stop’?” Roy continues his tickling as Shane gasps for air in delicious agony.

Shane throws him off and climbs on top of him, pinning his arms above his head. Roy gladly cedes control, letting Shane bear down, grinding against him.

“You are gonna pay for that.”

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?” Roy gazes up at him, a challenging smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Shane grips his wrists, rubbing against him, the friction from their pants making him hard immediately. He humps Roy furiously, eyes squeezed shut, moaning breathily.

“Oh yeah, I’m really suffering here,” Roy teases. “You just keep at it with all that torture.”

Shane’s eyes fly open and he glares down at Roy, who bites his lip to keep from laughing.

“Oh, you’re GONNA pay. You’re gonna fucking suffer.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t think I am. I think I get to be with the most amazing, sexy, gorgeous boy I have ever seen. And every second with him is more incredible than the last. So just try to make me suffer. You can’t.”

Shane bends down and kisses Roy, letting go of his wrists to cup his face and run his fingers through his hair. Roy’s hands wrap around his waist, then slide down to his ass. He thrusts up against him. Shane unzips Roy’s fly, reaching in to feel his hard dick. He moves to the side slightly so that he can more easily pull off Roy’s pants and underwear. They both remove their shirts, and Roy rolls over on top of Shane, hands wandering all over his torso, licking his nipples, causing him to arch his back.

Roy pops open the snap on his shorts, easing them down. The front of his underwear is already wet with pre-cum. Roy dips his head down, sucking on his hip, letting his lips trail down his thigh while Shane frantically pushes his briefs down, whimpering.

“Please, Roy, please. I need you.”

Roy slides his underwear the rest of the way down, pulling them off and tossing them with his shorts on the pile of discarded clothes. He takes the head of Shane’s dick in his mouth and sucks on it. Shane thrusts up into him, clawing at his shoulders, moaning. He is so full of a week’s worth of pent-up sexual energy that he’s on the verge immediately.

“Roy…Roy, I can’t…I’m sorry….AHHH—“ Shane grabs a pillow and holds it over his face, muffling his cries as he erupts into Roy’s mouth.

Roy licks him clean and gathers him into his arms, pulling the pillow away. Shane’s cheeks are flushed red and he pants breathlessly.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeats, “I couldn’t wait. I’m sorry.”

Roy kisses his cheek, his temples, “Stop apologizing. I love making you come.”

“But I wanted…god, I was so ready for you, I just…I couldn’t stop myself…I’m sorry—“

“Do you know how sexy it is that you came so fast, just from my mouth on you? I feel like a fucking superhero,” Roy murmurs in his ear.

Shane wraps his arms around Roy’s neck.

“Well, you are a fucking superhero,” he whispers, pressing their foreheads together.

They lie together, enjoying the silent rhythms of each other’s breathing. Shane’s starts to slow down as Roy’s picks up. Roy caresses his face, continuing to kiss him gently all over. Shane glances down at his hard cock and trails his fingers down Roy’s chest, wrapping his hand around it. Roy loves how Shane’s slender fingers make him feel even bigger, how he looks right into his eyes as he starts pumping him, stroking and squeezing and rubbing against him.

Roy wraps his arms around him, sighing happily. As he sucks on the soft skin under Shane’s jaw, he realizes that he’s getting hard again.

“Oh, Roy…oh god…please.”

Roy pushes his legs open and sucks on his inner thigh, getting the lube out of his nightstand and coating his fingers, slipping them inside Shane, making sure to stretch him slowly despite the way he frantically ruts against his hand. Shane has no idea how or why he held off for so long, because Roy fucking him until his mind goes blank is suddenly all he needs.

Shane tears into a condom package and stuffs Roy’s dick inside of it. He pours more lube out, slicking it over the condom and then flinging a leg around his waist. He clutches Roy’s ass in both hands, desperate for him, pleading, “Please, please, I need you to fuck me, Roy…” and crying out in joy when Roy finally enters him.

He bites down hard on Roy’s shoulder to keep from screaming as Roy’s thrusting begins. It feels so good he almost can’t bear it. His nails rake down Roy’s back, digging his fingers into his ass and arching up, straining to get him deeper and deeper, overcome by lust. Roy’s moaning makes it even better, how he strains his body, plunging down over and over, Shane’s name on his lips.

Later, as they cuddle together under the warm comforter, willing the seconds before Shane’s curfew to stretch out longer, Shane makes a suggestion.

“You know, it was really fun to get dressed up and go out to that fancy restaurant. Maybe we should do it again?”

Roy laughs, kissing his forehead.

“You’re turning into an expensive date, baby. I don’t know if I can afford your highbrow tastes.”

“Well, who said you have to pay? I have money.”

“How do you have money? You’re too young to have a job.”

“Well, I sort of…have money from…eh, it’s not important, but I have money.”

Roy looks at him, his downcast eyes and bashful expression, and is suddenly curious.

“Now you have to tell me!”

Shane fingers the blankets and presses his lips together.

“Don’t laugh. Promise you won’t laugh?”

“I will make no such promise. Tell me.” Roy pinches his thigh gently.

Shane rolls his eyes.

“My parents sort of…entered me in some beauty pageants when I was little. And…you know, I won some money.”

Roy bursts out laughing.

“Of course you did. Oh Christ, that’s fucking awesome.”

“Yeah, I was Mr. Tiny Tot 1987,” Shane smiles sheepishly.

Roy hugs him close.

“Just when I think you cannot possibly be fucking cuter…you outdo yourself. Okay, Mr. Tiny Tot…you can pick up the next check. I knew those cheekbones were a goldmine.”

*****

The candlelight flickers, reflecting back in Roy’s eyes. Shane sighs happily. He gets to have another luxurious, grown-up dinner with Roy…and this time there won’t be any AIDS and death and sadness at the end of the night. He feels so happy, his heart could not possibly be any more full. He giggles slightly as an image flickers through his mind.

“What?” Roy asks.

Shane laughs again.

“It’s silly, it’s just…I am like, bursting at the seams with happiness and I thought…if I actually burst open, I wonder what would come out? Like rainbows and fairies and glitter?”

“That…is the gayest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Gayer than ‘fuck me, Roy, fuck me,’” Shane whispers, eyes hooded.

Roy gives him a sharp look.

“Yes. And stop that, we’re in public. Eat your vegetables.”

Shane giggles again, sitting up straighter and pretending to be proper, drinking from his soda with one pinky in the air. His eyes glitter with mischief. Roy crosses his eyes at him, and he grins.

“I’m sorry, I can’t stop smiling.”

“Well, don’t. I love your smile. And besides, that smile is paying for our dinner.”

Shane laughs again.

“How’s your food?”

“I wish you liked steak, because this is delicious and I want to share it with you.”

Shane smiles enchantingly.

“Give me a bite of your potatoes.”

Roy leans over the table with a forkful of creamy mashed potatoes. Shane puts both hands around Roy’s as he guides the fork into his mouth, licking it off with a naughty glint in his eye.

Then Shane gently takes the fork out of his hand and challenges, “More. No fork.”

Roy’s heart races as he dips two fingers into the potatoes and holds them out. Shane eases Roy’s fingers into his mouth and swirls his tongue around, licking them off. Roy takes a sharp breath. Fucking Shane. Making his dick hard in the middle of this five-star restaurant. Roy twists uncomfortably in his seat.

“You okay, babe?” asks Shane, his green eyes dancing. He licks the rim of his glass.

Roy glares at him, hissing, “Okay, knock it off.”

“Knock what off?” Shane asks innocently.

“Stop…licking things.”

“Okay, babe, sorry.” Shane picks up an oyster and tilts his head back, mouth wide open, letting it slide down his throat. He looks back at Roy. “What?”

“Stop swallowing things too.”

Shane giggles.

“That’s going to make it a little hard to eat.” He pulls his foot out of his shoe under the table and slides it up inside Roy’s pant leg, watching Roy’s eyes roll back. Shane feels exhilarated. Normally he’s the one who is impossibly hot and bothered, unable to focus, eyes glazed and rubbing against Roy anywhere and everywhere, coming undone with just a look across the room. It’s so sexy seeing that he can do this to his amazing, perfect boyfriend.

Roy leaps up and throws his napkin down.

“I’m going to the restroom,” he announces.

Shane sips his soda, admiring Roy’s tight round ass as he stomps away. He gets up slowly and walks through the restaurant. He finds the men’s room in the back. It’s a single use restroom with a lock on the door. He knocks.

“Uh, sorry, s-someone’s in here,” comes Roy’s voice from the other side of the door.

“Please, it’s an emergency?” Shane says breathily.

There is a long pause and then the door unlocks. Shane slips in and locks the door behind him, then looks up at Roy. His belt is undone, fly open and his dick is in his hand, a chagrined expression on his face like a little boy who’s been caught with a hand in the cookie jar. Shane walks up to him and kisses him lightly on the lips, pressing against him. He drops to his knees.

Roy gasps as Shane’s mouth finds him and immediately deep throats him, sliding his lips up and down the length of him, tongue working the shaft and hand stroking his balls through his underwear, then leaning back for a second to pull them down. He plays with Roy’s balls and flicks his tongue against the head of his cock, hand gripping him and squeezing, then taking him back into his warm mouth. Roy’s hands grip Shane’s hair, which is slightly crunchy with the gel he used tonight in an attempt to look more adult. 

Shane reduces him to a panting, moaning mess in what feels like seconds. Roy hopes that the kitchen staff can’t hear them, and then suddenly he’s drowned in so much passion that he doesn’t care anymore. His steak costs $45, he can have an orgasm with it if he wants. He looks down at Shane.

Shane sucks on him voraciously, eyes watering. He looks up and meets Roy’s gaze and the look on his face when he comes, without breaking eye contact, flooding Shane’s mouth and throat, almost puts Shane over the edge too. Shane continues sucking until there’s not a drop left. When he rises from his knees, Roy looks at him apologetically, “Sorry I fucked up your hair.”

Shane glances in the mirror and laughs it his hair sticking up in every direction. He goes to the sink and wets his hand, attempting to slick it back down, poking at his cowlick.

Roy puts his arms around him from behind, kissing his neck.

“You’re swell,” he says, sighing.


	11. TOW the Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes to a party and tension arises between Alaska and her old best friend, Jinkx.

“AUGH! Turn here!” Katya shrieks.

“Turn here down the street I just passed?”

“Yes!”

“You’re a fuckwit,” Roy scoffs.

“WELL YOU MADE ME SIT IN THE BACK!”

She was right about that. When they all piled into his car, Roy was very careful to suggest that Willam sit in the front, “because he’s the tallest,” while Shane squeezed into the backseat with the girls.  He had (mostly) made peace with the blonde troublemaker, but didn’t like the idea of him being wedged into the backseat next to Shane, breathing on his neck, pressed into his thighs. Roy is fine with where Shane ended up, on Alaska’s lap. (Roy is pretty confident that Alaska won’t molest his boyfriend.)

“Maybe missing the turn is God’s way of telling us that this party is a bad idea. I mean, what if Brian’s neighbors call the police?” Alyssa ventures.

“God has nothing to do with it, Alyssa.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of!”

*****

Shane wanders through the house. He can swear that he’s never even seen most of these alleged classmates before. He catches Jinkx’s eye from across the room and smiles, grateful for a familiar face, even one he’s barely spoken to. Jinkx grins at Shane and beckons him over.

“I never get to talk to you. Come hang out!” She pats the sofa next to her.

Shane sits, thinking to himself what a sweet, pleasant face she has, and loving her short red hair, her honey-brown eyes. There’s something about her that Shane is really drawn to, and he can’t put his finger on it.

“I knew I’d like you right away, because Roy’s been far less of an asshole since you came around.”

Shane sits down on the couch next to her, laughing, curling his legs underneath him. He’s suddenly very curious about this elfin girl. He’s mostly only seen her onstage. Up close, she has a boyish energy about her, and Shane finds himself liking whatever that is.

“Jinkx is such a cool name, how did your parents come up with it?”

“My real name is Jennifer,” Jinkx laughs. “People started calling me Jinkx in fifth grade, because a bunch of my friends had accidents with me, all in a row. Let’s see…Dan flow off his bike while we were trying to do tricks and broke his arm. Morgan fell off the balance beam in gymnastics while I was spotting her and even though I caught her, I was so small that we both fell down and she ended up with a broken finger, somehow, we’re not sure exactly how. My tap shoe flew off at a talent show and Sharon literally got a tooth knocked out. And…Alaska tripped over my feet at the pool, spraining her ankle AND cracking her head open. She needed to get staples. That one was the worst because she was my best friend and I actually thought she was dying. There was SO much blood.”

“I didn’t know you and Alaska were best friends.”

“Yeah, well. It was a long time ago.” The redhead looks down a little, biting on her cuticles.

“Did you guys stop being friends because of the accident? You didn’t trip her on purpose, did you?”

Jinkx laughs.

“No. No, we were best friends until… eighth grade? And then…” Jinkx laughs again, wryly, “I almost said you wouldn’t understand but maybe you would. I…I did something stupid. I fucked up our friendship, basically. I sort of…well I kissed her. And it really freaked her out. It was dumb, you know? And it was cool that she didn’t want to…but like after that she just wasn’t comfortable around me anymore, and it got weirder and weirder and we just…drifted apart.”

Shane can feel his heart breaking for her a little.

“So yeah, I guess that’s why I hang out with boys now. It’s just easier.” She sighs. “You’re so lucky. I’ve literally never even met another gay girl.”

Roy and Willam approach them.

“Hey assholes, this is a party. Why do you both look like you’re about to cry?” Willam taunts.

Roy puts a hand on Shane’s shoulder and hands him a cup.

“We were just fooling around. I was showing Shane how I can cry on cue. It’s how I get all the boys.” She winks.

“Well, Katya is over there talking about how she’d really like to try eating some pussy. If you’re not fast she may get another offer.”

“Yeah, thanks but no thanks. I think I’ll wait for an actual lesbian, not just a drunk straight girl.”

“Oh, she’s not drunk,” Willam says. “She’s insane, but she’s not drunk.”

Jinkx raises her eyebrows.

“Get on it, girl. She might be good, I’ve seen her lick cheese out of a handi-snacks container.” Roy grins wickedly.

“Oh my god, gross. By the way, have you ever noticed that 90% of our conversations are about pussy? And not because I bring it up.”

“Well bitch, I’m trying to relate to you on your level. I don’t know anything about sports or construction.”

“Hilarious. And I’m a musical theatre nerd who spends all my time singing and dancing. Why don’t you talk to me about Judy and Liza?”

“Why, do you want to eat their pussies? Judy’s might not taste so good anymore.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“I’m still wondering why you’re here instead of spread eagle in front of Katya. Are you sure you’re a real lesbian?”

“Yeah, I’m a real lesbian, Roy, I’m just not interested in Katya!” her voice has more of an edge than she intended. She sighs. “I’m…I’m gonna go get something to drink.”

Over in the corner, Katya is dancing with Alaska and Morgan. Brian and a few other boys hover close by, elbowing each other.

Katya drapes her arms over Alaska’s shoulders, pushing into her.

“You have such perfect little tits, Alaska,” she says, and Alaska giggles. “Come on, make out with me.”

“No!” Alaska squeals, but somehow her hands manage to pull Katya closer by the waist, feeling the soft corduroy fabric of her pants, trailing her fingers up slightly against her bare midriff.

“Do it, Alaska, you might like it. She’s a really good kisser,” Brian smirks.

“I will give you $100,” says Dan, salivating.

“I’m not gonna give you money, but you will have my undying gratitude,” Brian says.

Katya winks at him and pushes Alaska’s hair off her shoulders, running her fingers down her arms. Alaska shivers. She looks into Katya’s big green eyes, glancing at her pouty red lips. “One kiss,” she whispers. “For…because the boys will like it…”

Smiling, Katya leans in and presses their mouths together. Her body is soft and her hands tangle in Alaska’s long hair. Alaska feels tingly all over, buzzing from the inside out, as Katya’s round tits push against her own. One of Katya’s hands slides down, slipping underneath her overalls, and when her thumb rubs against Alaska’s erect nipple, sparks shoot through her body, pressure building up in her abdomen. Their tongues dance together. Alaska clutches her ass, pulling her closer, grinding against her. Katya breaks away, laughing, and chucks Alaska’s cheek.

“Nice touch with the ass grab, by the way.”

Alaska feels dizzy. She looks up at the boys around them, whose faces display everything from wonder to delight to astonishment to, in the case of Brian, a smug grin.

“Told you she was a good kisser,” he says. Alaska laughs.

And then in one instant, the warm, tingly, dizzy feeling is shattered when she looks over his shoulder and sees Jinkx. Her expression is unreadable, almond-shaped eyes cold and shining, like pebbles. Alaska’s blood turns to ice. She can feel Katya’s arm still draped over her shoulder and it suddenly feels like chains, dragging her down, weighing on her. She shrugs it off, grabbing Dan by the collar and kissing him forcefully. When she looks up, Jinkx has disappeared. A deeply unsettled feeling rises in her chest and she feels a desperate need for fresh air.

Shane has been watching everything from the corner, Roy’s arms around him from behind. He turns around towards Roy.

“Hey, I’m gonna go find Jinkx. She…seemed upset.”

“Okay, baby. You’re a better person than me. I just figured she was touchy because she had her period or something.”

“You think lesbians like period blood as much as I like the taste of cum?” Willam wonders.

Roy bursts out laughing.

“You are such a sick, twisted piece of shit.”

“Aw, daddy, thanks for the nice toast!” He holds out his drink and Roy clinks their cups together. “Hey ‘baby,’ I’ll do my best not to fall on your boyfriend’s dick whole you’re gone.”

Shane rolls his eyes and gives Willam the finger, kissing Roy on the cheek.

“Just try it, I’ll end your fucking life,” he says sweetly, and skips off to find Jinkx.

“I think he’s serious,” Willam remarks, mildly impressed.

*****

Alaska opens the door and steps outside, the chilly autumn air more intense then she expected. She wraps her arms around herself and wonders what that smell is. She rounds the corner and of course, comes face to face with Jinkx. Her heart starts beating quickly again.

“Oh—I’m sorry, I…I didn’t know you’d be…um…”

Jinkx coughs and holds the joint out to her.

“Want some?”

“Um, no, thanks…I don’t... Since when do you smoke weed?”

“I don’t know, awhile.” Jinkx sighs. “So what’s up, Alaska? Anything new and interesting happening in your life?” Jinkx tries not to sound bitter, but it’s a struggle.

“Um.”

“That was a joke. Calm down.” Jinkx rolls her eyes.

“I am calm! You’re the one who’s being weird.”

“I’m being weird? You just put on some kind of Skinemax show in there and I’m being weird? Okay.”

“I was kidding around. Why does it even matter to you anyway?” Alaska’s voice is strained.

“I just…when I kissed you, I was…I was confused, and I said I was sorry. Over and over and over again and still…it’s like you couldn’t even LOOK at me. You wouldn’t talk to me about it. So I thought ‘okay, whatever, she’s not comfortable with a girl touching her. Not her fault. Not my fault.’ And now, you’re like, making out with a girl at a party like it’s a fucking joke, and I…so it must have been me, right? Something about me that you just found so intolerable, so repulsive, besides the gay thing, besides…” Hot, angry tears course down her face.

Alaska doesn’t know what to say. Her throat feels dry.

“It’s not like I was asking you to be a _couple_. It’s not like I told you I loved you. I didn’t say… _fuck_!” She crushes the end of her joint against the bricks, putting it back into the baggie and stuffing it into her jeans. “Just forget it. See you…whenever.” She bolts, leaving Alaska leaning against the brick wall, unable to speak or shout after her. She sinks down, hugging her knees.

Around the corner, Shane feels like an intruder. He considers going back inside but then he hears Alaska start to sniffle and he can’t help himself. He tiptoes around the corner and says, “Hey.”

Alaska looks up, slightly started, wiping her eyes.

“Hey, Shane,” she laughs uncomfortably. “I was, um…what’s up?”

“Why don’t you go after her?” Shane asks softly.

“Because I’m not a fucking DYKE!” Alaska spits with so much vitriol that Shane nearly ducks. She quickly recovers, softening and looking chagrined. ”I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…it’s different…”

Shane nods, watching her. Her long, thin limbs folded up like she is trying to shrink. Her big brown eyes are dark, teeth clenched.

“That whole thing with Katya…it was a joke. And she just…I don’t know why she didn’t get that. I’m not…I’m not gay. But I don’t have a problem with her being gay. We just…”

“Do you have…like, do you have feelings for her?”

“I’m not _gay_!”

“I didn’t say you were.”

“I _can’t_ be gay. I want to be an actress. I want to get married in a white dress, and have three kids and our Christmas pictures will be in _People_ magazine, and on the weekends we go to the beach with a picnic lunch and the dogs are running around and when the sun goes down we all cuddle under a blanket and roast marshmallows…”

Shane nods.

“That…sounds nice.”

“Yeah so, that’s it. I’m…I’m gonna do that.” A long beat goes by. Shane sits down beside her and takes her hand.

“Carol and Susan just got married on  _Friends_ ,” he offers.

She rolls her eyes.

“That’s a sitcom, Shane. Not real life.”

“I know, but it’s still—“

“And did you notice that every time they said ‘lesbian wedding,’ the audience laughed?”

“Well, but at least it was a wedding. With pretty white dresses. Right?”

Alaska leans her head on Shane’s shoulder.

“Too bad _you_ don’t like girls. You’d be the perfect boyfriend.”

“Who said I don’t like girls?”

Alaska looks at him, confused. “Um…”

“Look, I love Roy. Like more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I love everything about him. But I don’t know, I think…I could have fallen in love with a girl, too. If it was the right girl.” He laughs dryly, “Of course, some people think I want to _be_ a girl, so there’s that.”

“Who thinks you want to be a girl?”

“Oh, just this…nevermind. It’s dumb.”

“You would be a really hot girl. I mean not that that’s why I…shit. You were just really pretty.” Alaska can feel her cheeks getting hot.

“Thanks, Lasky. I’m still trying to figure out what it means, I guess. I mean, I like my dick, I just also liked…I liked feeling…I don’t know, it felt sort of powerful to be a girl, like for that short time.”

“Powerful?” Alaska laughs. “That is the opposite of what it feels like to be a girl. Trust me.”

“Well, it’s just…sometimes I feel so invisible. Like, I’m not the kind of boy that usually gets noticed. But as a girl, nobody could stop looking at me.”

“Sometimes it’s not so great when people look at you. Sometimes it’s better to be invisible.”

“Yeah, I guess. Maybe it’s like, how you feel when you put on a costume in a play. And you get to be someone else for awhile.”

Alaska nods.

“That’s what I love about acting. Being someone else…”

“Well, I’m glad you’re you.” Shane rubs her hand gently.

“You should stop being so nice to me. Or I’ll really start crushing on you.”

“Baaaaaabyyyyyyy!” sings Willam’s voice. “Daddy is looking for you!”

“Would you shut the fuck up with that daddy/baby bullshit?” Roy whines, then calls out, “Shane! Are you out here?”

“Yeah, over here!”

Roy and Willam round the corner, Roy immediately clocking them cuddled up together, Alaska’s hand in Shane’s lap. “Alaska, you cunt, are you trying to steal my boyfriend?”

Shane laughs, fluttering his eyelashes up at Roy, “We were just wondering if you’d be into a threesome, babe.”

“Not with a girl!” Roy exclaims.

Willam’s eyes light up and he drapes an arm over Roy’s shoulders.

“Is that an invitation, Daddy?”

Roy shoves him, laughing, “You fucking whore. Get off.”

“What’s wrong with girls?!” Alaska means to say this to herself, but accidentally shouts out loud.

Willam and Roy both look at her, slowly.

Roy grins, “Nothing’s wrong with it if you’re a straight dude or a dyke. You a dyke, Lasky?” he teases.

“Yeah, nothing wrong with being a carpet-munching dyke,” Willam makes gagging noises, causing Roy to burst out laughing again.

Alaska’s grip on Shane’s hand is now tighter than a vice. Shane glances over to see her eyes shining with tears.

“Guys, stop it,” he says quietly.

“Man, I knew my cousin was sexy, but I didn’t know she could turn ‘em that fast!” Willam giggles.

“I told you she was good with that handi-snack!”

“GUYS, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Shane yells. He’s had enough of them, and their dumb jokes.

Both Willam and Roy look down again, shocked at Shane’s outburst. It’s only now that Roy notices Alaska crying softly.

“Alaska, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Roy is suddenly concerned.

“I’m fine.” She stands up, brushing dirt off the seat of her overalls, “I just have to…use the bathroom.” She runs back towards the house.

Shane glares at Roy and Willam, rising to his feet. “You guys can be such fucking assholes.”

“Is she actually a lesbian?” Roy asks, confused.

“I don’t know! That’s not the point! Not everything is a fucking joke!” Shane exclaims, and stalks off, back inside, to make sure that Alaska is okay.

“God,” breathes Willam, “Lesbians are so fucking dramatic.”

Roy gives him a stern look, suppressing a giggle. “Be nice, Willam.”

“Make me, Daddy.”

Roy rolls his eyes and heads back towards the house. “Bye, Willam.”

“Fine, I don’t need you! Fuck you! Hey, is someone smoking weed out here? Hello?”


	12. TOW Alaska’s Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alaska faces Jinkx, and admits her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Discussion of self harm

After the party, once Roy drops off Katya and Willam (Alyssa had thrown a fit when Jay spilled a drink down her dress and called her big sister to pick her up), he notices that Alaska still seems shaken up. He suggests swinging by Denny’s on the way to Alaska’s house. They’d found out earlier that Shane had never been there, which Roy said was “an international travesty.”

Inside, Shane slides into the booth next to Alaska. Roy is pretty sure that if he can’t cheer her up, Shane is going to give him the cold shoulder for days. Plus, he genuinely likes Alaska. They’ve never been best friends or anything – she’s more Katya’s friend than his – but he thinks she’s a sweetheart and he can’t remember ever seeing her get upset.

“Hey, Lasky, you like mozzarella sticks? French fries?” he asks her.

“Um, yeah, I guess.”

“Cool. You want anything else? My treat,” Roy offers.

“N-no thanks.” She looks down.

“What about you, baby?”

Shane shakes his head, “Whatever you want.”

Roy orders for the three of them. Shane sees Alaska’s defeated posture and puts his arm around her shoulders. Roy clears his throat. “Listen, Lasky, I know I can be an asshole sometimes. And Willam is always an asshole. So if anything we said made you feel bad—“

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“Okay, good, but if you’re not—“

Alaska sighs. “I wasn’t upset by you, okay? I was…I was upset because Jinkx is mad at me, and I don’t really know what to do.”

“I didn’t realize you guys were still friends.”

“Well…we’re not really…exactly…”

Roy reaches across the table and takes her hand. “Listen, I just want to say I’m sorry. I think you’re awesome, and I hope you know that if I ever say anything that pisses you off, all you have to do is tell me to shut the fuck up. And even if I’m not the reason you were upset tonight, I’m still…I’m still sorry.”

Alaska’s eyes never leave her lap. She nods.

“I’ll be right back,” she says softly, and Shane gets up to let her out of the booth.

As she walks towards the bathroom, Shane climbs into Roy’s side of the booth, kissing him forcefully until both of them are out of breath.

“I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time,” Shane murmurs.

Roy smiles against him, saying, “I’m sure I deserved it. I just hope she’s okay.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna go check on her.” With one more kiss, Shane gets up. He knocks on the door of the women’s restroom. “Alaska? Are you alright?”

The door opens and Shane slips in. She is blotting her red eyes with a wet paper towel.

“I can’t stop crying,” she hiccups miserably.

Shane folds her into a hug.

“I think…I think I have to talk to her. I just don’t know what I’ll say.”

“You’ll figure it out.”

“She hates me.”

“She definitely doesn’t hate you.”

“W-why do you say that?”

“Because she told me about what happened between you guys in eighth grade. How she, as she puts it, ‘fucked up your friendship,’ and it seems like it just made her really sad. And like…she really misses you.”

Alaska sniffles.

“Does Roy think I’m gay now?”

“I think…Roy is just worried that you’re so upset. Like 70% worried and 30% guilty. Maybe 1% wanting to fuck me before my curfew ends,” Shane grins wickedly, coaxing a small laugh from Alaska. “So let’s go eat this fried crap that he’s so excited about.”

“Okay.”

Shane takes the paper towel and wipes her face gently, then guides her back to the table.

*****

On Monday afternoon, Jinkx gets home from school and drops her heavy backpack to the floor. She tosses her platform sneakers to the ground and immediately changes her clothes, switching out her baggy cargo pants for more comfortable board shorts, and her denim shirt for a soft, old sweatshirt. She flops onto her bed. She is not sure how long she’s been lying there when a knock sounds at her door. Assuming it’s one of her little brothers, she rolls her eyes and calls, “Come in!”

After a long pause, she sits up and, sighing, walks to the door. Alaska stands there, slouched awkwardly, hands deep in her pockets.

Alaska is wearing a midriff-baring t-shirt that says “As If” – Jinkx rolls her eyes at the symbolism – and wide-legged jeans that sit low on her hips. Her feet are bare, having taken off her shoes and socks at the door the way Jinkx’s mother always makes them do. Jinkx lets her in, and she sits down on the green plaid comforter, the same one Jinkx has had since sixth grade. As she feels the fabric with her hands, memories of lying atop it for hours, giggling about everything and nothing, hit her like a ton of bricks. She finds herself unable to speak.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re gonna say, but I should just tell you I’m sorry, for snapping at you. You were right; it’s none of my business. You don’t owe me anything. You’re allowed to kiss whoever you want.”

“You were right, too.”

“About what?”

“That I wouldn’t talk about it. That I…wouldn’t look at you.”

“Yeah, well, it was a long time ago. It’s shitty of me to hold it against you.”

Alaska sighs, “It wasn’t that long ago.”

“Okay, well it feels long to me. And I’m just…I’m sorry, is all. I never wanted you to be uncomfortable.”

“I wasn’t uncomfortable. I was scared. I…”

Jinkx closes her eyes, “Well, I didn’t want that either. I hope someday maybe we can be friends, and you won’t be scared that I’m gonna try something again. I got the message loud and clear—“

“I’m trying to tell you something!” Alaska exclaims, and Jinkx raises her eyebrows. “I’m sorry. I’m trying…to tell you something,” her voice drops lower, evens out.

“Okay. Sorry. Go ahead.”

Alaska takes a breath and continues, in a voice barely above a whisper, “I…want you to do it again.”

Jinkx stares at her in amazement. All these years, she’d seen Alaska’s reaction to her as the ultimate rejection. She didn’t want her, not even as a friend. And now, here she was, sitting on her bed, dark eyes soft and pleading.

Jinkx swallows, feeling a little terrified. She hasn’t kissed anyone since that day in eighth grade. Alaska takes her hand, rubbing it gently, moving it to her breast. Jinkx can feel her lacy bra through the thin cotton fabric of her baby tee. Her heart races. It’s the first time she’s really ever touched a girl. She is self-conscious, aware that she has no idea what to do, really, but equally aware that she knows how her own body responds, when she’s alone at night, the only time she ever allows herself to think of Alaska.

She brings her other hand to Alaska’s breast as well, cupping them both, feeling the weight of them in her hands, rubbing gently against the lace with her palms. Alaska’s eyes fall closed. Jinkx brushes both nipples with her thumb, causing a soft, whimpery moan to escape her lips. She can feel the hard nubs of her nipples now pushing through her shirt. She caresses Alaska’s tiny waist, then timidly begins to lift Alaska’s shirt. Alaska’s arms fly up and she wriggles out of her top, moving back on the bed and pulling Jinkx on top of her by the waistband of her shorts.

Jinkx runs her fingers through Alaska’s long, tangled hair. She kisses her collarbone, then slowly works her way up. Her creamy skin smells sweet and tastes like heaven. She is finally at her jaw, and she sucks on the skin gently, as Alaska’s breathing quickens. She pulls herself up a little to look at her before kissing her face, tracing her cheekbones with her fingers, watching her fluttering eyelids, murmuring “You are so fucking beautiful,” then bending down and slowly, slowly letting their lips touch.

Electricity buzzes through her as Alaska moans against her mouth, pushing her hips up so that she’s rubbing against her. Jinkx finds the warmth of her tongue and tastes her for the longest time, savoring every second, feeling like she might pass out from joy at any point.

She moves her lips to Alaska’s ear and whispers, “Tell me what else you want me to do.”

Alaska shivers violently, arching up against her. “P…play with my nipples again. Please,” she says.

Jinkx teases one, then the other, with the back of her knuckles, then rolls them both between her fingers at once. Alaska moans, humping her furiously. Jinkx smiles.

“You like that?”

Alaska can only nod. Jinkx reaches behind her and unhooks her bra, fumbling a little as she’s never done it from this angle. She tosses it aside and bends her head down, taking one of Alaska’s nipples in her mouth, swirling her tongue around it, continuing the rub the other one vigorously. Alaska writhes beneath her, wrapping a leg around her. Jinkx is incredibly turned on by how responsive she is. She pants and moans and whimpers, digs her nails into Jinkx’s back. She claws at Jinkx’s sweatshirt, pulling it off, revealing her soft, full breasts that are normally hidden under baggy clothes. They’ve grown since eighth grade, and Alaska gasps. Jinkx is now kissing her stomach, moving down from her belly button.

She tentatively places the heel of her hand against the front of Alaska’s jeans. Alaska bucks up against her, rubbing vigorously against her hand, saying, “God, Jenny, please, oh god.”

Being called by her real name gives Jinkx an unexpected shiver of delight up her spine. No one has called her “Jenny” for years, even her immediate family. Her mother still occasionally drops “Jennifer Lauren” when she’s in trouble, but other than that, everyone calls her Jinkx. Hearing it out loud tells her that maybe Alaska has been thinking about her in this way for a long time. Her heart floods with warmth.

She continues to push the heel of her hand against her, rubbing her clit through her pants. She opens the first button on her pants and Alaska freezes.

Jinkx looks up at her. “Do you...want me to stop?”

Alaska doesn’t want her to stop. But she knows that once it happens, there is a very real possibility that Jinkx won’t want her anymore. The thought is unbearable, but so is the idea of prolonging the torture. She shakes her head.

“No…don’t stop.”

 As Jinkx lowers her jeans, she begins to tremble. Jinkx kisses her through her blue cotton panties, and then pulls her jeans the rest of the way off. She reaches up to spread her legs and then stops, bewildered. Alaska’s upper thighs are crisscrossed with a network of tiny scars. Some are old, deep, some look like they could be as recent as last week.

She looks up at Alaska, who is shaking violently now, tears trickling out of the corners of her eyes. Jinkx swallows hard. “Oh, Lasky, why didn’t you tell me?” is all she manages to say.

Alaska’s voice is barely audible. “Do you still think I’m beautiful?”

Jinkx strokes the soft skin of her slender hips. She bends down and carefully, as gently as possible, kisses every single one of those scars. She knows that she can’t really fix anything, that whatever caused Alaska to do this is much deeper than what she’s capable of handling, but she tries anyway.

Alaska tries to stop shaking, keep her body still. Her breathing is shallow. When Jinkx looks back up at her, soft eyes full of concern and love, she can’t take it anymore. She doesn’t deserve this. Jinkx is so brave, so strong…she should be with someone so much better than Alaska. Alaska can’t even admit her feelings to herself in the mirror. She lets out a sob.

Jinkx reaches for her hand, her heart breaking.

“Sweetie, I can stop. Any time. Okay?”

Alaska nods. Jinkx slides off of her body and lies down next to her. Alaska clutches her arm.

“Don’t…you can keep touching me. Please keep touching me.”

Jinkx kisses her cheek softly, and slides her hands up her body, tracing the curve of her waist, the creamy, smooth skin of her breasts, her collarbone. Jinkx knows it’s weird, but she is obsessed with Alaska’s collarbone. She trails her fingers up to her face and continues to kiss away her tears.

“Lasky, Lasky,” she whispers. “You are the most beautiful girl in the entire world.”

Alaska shakes her head. She isn’t. She isn’t beautiful. Jinkx is crazy.

“Yes…so fucking beautiful.” She finds Alaska’s mouth again, and as Alaska grips the back of her hair, she grows more daring, plunging her tongue into Alaska’s mouth, sucking on her lips, cradling her face.

Alaska stops crying, and wraps herself around Jinkx’s small frame, curled up against her, face buried in her chest. Jinkx strokes her hair, whispering, “my beautiful girl…” to her, over and over.

Soon Alaska is asleep in her arms. It’s like a dream come true, and yet…Jinkx can feel anxiety gnaw at her stomach. Of course she isn’t the same girl that she was 3 years ago. Jinkx isn’t either, really. But to see her so fragile, so tense, so full of fear and self-doubt. How had Jinkx not noticed sooner? Sure, they haven’t really been friends for a long time, but they have the same classes. They hang out with pretty much the same crowd. Her Lasky was a star, a shining, bubbly goofball, full of creative energy and obsessed with obscure conspiracy theories. She used to get a sick thrill reading those books where teenagers died from long drawn-out illnesses, and she danced in her underwear to Paula Abdul music. How had Jinkx been so self-absorbed that she hadn’t noticed the light draining from her eyes?

But when Jinkx really thinks about it…the Alaska that she sees at school, fooling around with Katya, laughing at the corniest jokes…that person hasn’t really changed much. It’s possible that the pain she allowed Jinkx to witness is something that nobody else on the planet has ever been privy to. That scares Jinkx even more. She feels responsible for her in a colossal way, and then feels guilty for even thinking about it like that.

When Alaska wakes up a little while later, the sun has gone down, and the sky is full of orange light, violet creeping in to take over. She rubs her face and snuggles tighter against Jinkx’s warm body, wishing she could pause this moment forever.

Jinkx kisses her forehead. “Do you…want to stay for dinner? I’m sure my mom would be thrilled.”

Alaska stiffens a little. “I don’t…I don’t know.” She sits up, drawing her knees up. Jinkx can sense her discomfort and covers her with a blanket from the foot of the bed, hoping that will help.

”I just…Jinkx, I don’t know if I can…” Alaska clenches the blanket in her fists.

Jinkx tries to keep her face stoic. Whatever Alaska is about to say, she is ready. On the outside, at least.

“I just…you know my friends. They think everything is a big joke. I don’t think I can handle them, like…” she sighs, “I know I sound like a stupid coward. I just—“

“Lasky, it’s okay. Whatever you need, honey.” She brushes some hair off Alaska’s face.

“So you aren’t mad? That I want to keep things just…between us?”

Jinkx breathes a sigh of relief. In the back of her mind, she really thought Alaska was going to say that she didn’t want to be with her at all.

“I’m not mad at all. I’m so fucking happy, Lasky. You are…you are every fantasy I’ve ever had. I used to feel so guilty for it. I can’t even believe that you’re really here with me.”

Alaska runs her thumb along Jinkx’s bottom lip, and then leans forward to kiss her.

“Me too,” she whispers.

*****

“Alyssa, you’ve been staring at DJ for 15 minutes. Why don’t you go talk to him?” Katya nudges her.

“DJ is gay,” Roy says, and Shane, who is practically in his lap, turns around to glare at him.

“Jesus, Roy, why do you keep fucking all of Alyssa’s potential boyfriends?” Katya laughs.

“I didn’t fuck DJ! I’ve just…uh…well, just trust me.”

Katya and Alaska laugh and Alyssa rolls her eyes.

“Oh man, Alyssa is so marrying a gay dude someday,” says Katya. “I’m a little jealous, that wedding will be FABULOUS!”

Alyssa frowns, “Why would you even say that?”

“I mean not someone who is like OUT, but some nice closeted Christian homo who picks out your clothes and makes pancakes for your kids. And then he’ll come out like 20 years later and you and I will go get hammered on Bourbon Street and find you a nice piece of ass to fuck your pain away.”

Everyone except Alyssa is cracking up at the idea of Alyssa’s nice gay husband as Jinkx passes by, carrying her empty tray. She catches Alaska’s eye and gives her a tiny, undetectable smile. Alaska grins and lowers her eyes. She stands up, mumbling something about being done, and hurries to the trash cans to catch up with Jinkx.

She slides in beside her, throwing away her trash and saying nothing as her bare arm rubs against Jinkx. She sets her tray slowly and carefully on the stack.

“See you in theatre!” she says to Jinkx, trying to keep her voice casual but coming across a little too cheerful, almost shrill.

Jinkx smiles at her, that sly side smirk that makes Alaska’s heart skip a beat.

“Yeah, see you.”

Alaska watches Jinkx walk away, the frayed bottoms of her wide-legged jeans dragging on the floor.

“You okay, Lasky?”

Shane’s voice startles her and she jumps slightly.

“Y-yeah. Totally fine.”

“Did you ever talk to her?” Shane’s eyes are full of concern as he slides his tray onto the stack.

Alaska swallows, hoping that her eyes don’t reveal too much.

“Yeah, we talked. She apologized for getting mad on Saturday and I apologized for being a bitch in junior high. Everything is cool.”

Shane puts an arm around her shoulders.

“That’s great. Maybe eventually you guys can even be friends again.

Alaska nods, walking with him back to their lunch table. “

Yeah…maybe…”

Katya looks up as they approach.

“Hey Lasky, don’t you think Alyssa should go out with Matt?”

“Umm, yeah, I could see that,” Alaska answers.

“Right? He’s like, butch but still pretty. Potentially straight. Hey Roy, have you fucked Matt?”

Roy shakes his head. “Nope, Matt is straight until proven otherwise.”

Alyssa wrinkles her nose. “I…don’t know.”

“Listen, we know you prefer gay black guys, but Roy has gotten to all of them first. Once they taste Roy’s dick, they aren’t gonna want a girl.” She grins at Roy. “Remember that time I held your dick while you peed?”

“No, I was black-out drunk, so I have to take your word for it.”

“It was so hot.”

Roy shakes his head. “You fucking weirdo.”

Shane throws a grape at Katya.

“Stop talking about my boyfriend that way.”

“What, he doesn’t have a sweet dick?” Katya turns to Alaska and holds her hands apart, indicating the impressive size of Roy’s penis.

Alaska laughs, shaking her head, grateful that her best friend is too distracted by her own weird fixations to notice anything amiss with her.


	13. TOW Shane Gets Grounded and Alaska Gets Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is primarily smut, (both Bitney and Jalaska) but then gets angsty at the end. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: For self-harm and a joke about 'Pretty Baby,' which is a movie where Brooke Shields plays a child prostitute.

Shane lies on his side on Roy’s bed, taking notes from his history textbook. Roy slides in behind him, a hand gently caressing his hip. Shane leans back into him as he gently kisses the back of his neck.

Shane smiles and lets his eyes close lazily as Roy palms him over the front of his pants, undoing his fly and reaching into his underwear. Shane turns slightly, nuzzling against Roy’s face. Roy is a little surprised that Shane isn’t hard yet. He usually springs to life somewhere between bounding down the steps to Roy’s bedroom, and the first whisper of physical contact.

“Are you okay, baby?”

Shane turns over completely. “Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m sort of…distracted, I guess.”

“Distracted by what?” asks Roy, pulling off his bottoms. “History homework? Is there another damn war going on?”

Shane laughs and pushes his books to the floor. “No, I…I keep thinking about Jinkx and Lasky.”

Roy’s mouth stops a mere centimeter from his cock. He can feel the heat of his breath. “You’re thinking about them NOW?” Roy looks up at him incredulously.

“Um…well, I’m just a little—“ he gasps as Roy’s warm mouth finds him. He can feel himself growing against Roy’s plush lips.

Roy smirks up at him deviously. “How about now?”

Shane grips the covers, shaking his head. “Not…oh GOD!”

Roy flips him over and pulls him up onto all fours. He caresses his ass and hips, kissing him up the back of his legs. He spreads his soft cheeks and begins to lick lovingly at him. Shane moans and pushes back against his face. “What are you thinking about now, baby?”

Shane grips the comforter. “I’m thinking about your dick.”

“Oh yeah? What about it?”

“Please,” Shane whimpers.

“Please what?”

“Please fuck me. Please, Roy,” Shane begs.

“Well since you asked so nicely,” Roy says, sliding on a condom and lubing up.

“Ohhhhh,” Shane stretches back for him.

Roy kisses his spine. “Are you sure you’re ready? Right now your only lube is spit.”

“Yes, I’m—please!” His thighs are trembling.

Kissing up his back, Roy wraps his hands around his hips. He kneels up, moving one foot in front of Shane’s knee to brace himself. He lines himself up and prepares to push in slowly, but Shane impales himself, crying out half in pain, half in relief. “Baby? Still okay?”

“Uh huh.”

“You sure?”

“OH MY GOD JUST FUCK ME!” he screams.

“Shhh!” Roy hisses, laughing, thinking about his family upstairs, and starts pumping. “Bossy bottom.”

Shane pushes back against him, faster and faster, moaning. He presses his face into a pillow to muffle the sounds, turning his head every few seconds to gasp for air. He plays with his dick while Roy thrusts into him. Roy’s hand soon joins his and they stroke together. Shane starts to convulse and Roy knows he’s close. He rubs his thumb around the head of his dick.

He can feel himself on the edge too, and he rams into him rapidly, panting and groaning. Shane comes in his hand and he comes a second later, thrusting through both of their orgasms. He leans forward, still inside of him, kissing his sweaty shoulder blades.

“Oh my fucking god,” Shane whimpers.

Roy pulls out and flops onto the bed, exhausted, pulling Shane against him. He kisses him, pushing his hair off his forehead. “Sorry for not wanting to hurt you, Shane, I won’t make that mistake again.”

Shane giggles. “I’m sorry. It’s just that sometimes you treat me like a delicate little flower.”

“Well, you’re my…shit, I almost said ‘pretty baby’ but then I remembered that’s the Brooke Shields movie where she’s a 12 year old prostitute. Yikes.”

“I bet she liked it rough sometimes, too.” Shane’s green eyes sparkle mischievously.

Roy laughs, “I love it when you’re a wicked little hussy.”

Shane closes his eyes and nestles deeper into his arms. “I love it when you fuck me until I can’t keep my eyes open.”

*****

Shane stirs, snuggled against Roy’s warm body. His eyes flutter open and then he bolts upright when he sees Roy’s digital clock, which reads “1:37.” Panic floods through him. His curfew ends at 11 on school nights. He is _dead_.

He turns back to Roy, shaking him. “Fuck, Roy, wake up.”

“In a minute, baby,” Roy murmurs.

Shane pounds on his chest with a fist and his eyes shoot open.

“What?!” he grumps.

“It’s past 1:30 in the morning! My parents are going to KILL me!”

Roy rubs his eyes and yawns. “That’s all? Calm down, they know where you are.”

“I’ve never missed curfew! Oh god, I’m in so much trouble.”

Shane buries his face in his hands. Roy rubs his back soothingly. “I’m sure it’ll be okay. Just say you were studying and fell asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you. Blame me.”

Shane shoots Roy a dirty look. “I don’t think my parents want to think about me in your BED. Ugh. Get up!”

He scrambles into his clothes and starts frantically stuffing his books and binder into his backpack.

“GET UP!”

“Okay, you need to chill out. It was an innocent mistake.” Roy pulls on his pants.

“Yeah, I know that, but I don’t think they’ll see it that way. And by the way, if I’m grounded, you suffer too.”

“Shit.”

“Right.”

“Well,” Roy says thoughtfully, flashing his dimples, “there’s always the lunch period. And my car.”

Shane laughs and swats him on the arm, then pulls him up towards the door.

Shane’s parents are asleep when he creeps inside, leaving his backpack and shoes by the door and padding up the stairs. He has a moment of hope. Maybe they went to bed before 11? He flops into his bed and hugs a pillow, making sure to set his alarm.

The next day, Shane stumbles into the bathroom and finds a note taped to his mirror.

_Good morning, darling! We are very glad you made it home safely as both your father and I were sick with worry last night. We love you to the ends of the earth._  
Love, Mum   
P.S. You are grounded for a week. XX

Shane groans.

*****

Jinkx has to admit…she’s started to doubt everything as the week went on. They’d exchanged a few furtive glances, some disappointingly brief and innocent physical contact, but Alaska gave no indication that she wanted Jinkx to make any more moves. Until Friday, when they were getting ready to leave theatre class, and Alaska just muttered under her breath, “Will you be home tomorrow morning?” Jinkx nodded, eyes wide, and Alaska nodded back, then disappeared out the door.

What did that mean? Did they have plans? Jinkx was afraid to call her, knowing that she wanted to keep things between them a secret. So she stressed all Friday night, turning down the movies with Dan, Brian, and Morgan.

On Saturday she wakes up early, brushes her teeth for about 10 minutes, and takes a long shower. She bemoans her lack of sexy underwear, of sexy clothes of any type really, and finally settles on a plain white tank top and cutoffs from the thrift store. She decides it might be too presumptuous and throws a flannel shirt over everything. She wanders down to the living room where her little brothers are watching cartoons, and tries to read _The Bell Jar_ for English, feeling little sympathy for Esther. She has enough of her own problems at the moment; she doesn’t have time for Sylvia Plath’s.

When Alaska’s VW bug pulls into the driveway, she leaps up and throws open the front door, ushering her quickly up the stairs and into her bedroom, locking the door behind them. She turns around, running a hand nervously through her slightly damp red hair.

Alaska looks like a fucking goddess. Her messy blond hair is piled on her head, random pieces falling out. She wears baggy overalls with a crop top and pink thong showing on the side. Jinkx’s heart races.

“Hey,” she says, eyes running all over Alaska’s body.

“Hi,” Alaska smiles. She steps towards Jinkx, taking hold of her flannel shirt and pushing it off her shoulders. Jinkx wraps her hands around Alaska’s waist, inside her overalls. Their lips meet, and that electric feeling is back again, as Jinkx opens her mouth, allowing Alaska to take charge, plunging her tongue inside her mouth and pulling her to the bed by her belt loops.

Alaska pushes Jinkx onto the bed, straddling her. Jinkx fingers the sides of her thong through the gaps in her overalls. They start pulling desperately at each other’s clothes. Soon they are lying on the bed in just their underwear, legs tangled together. Alaska arches against Jinkx, loving the feeling of hands on her ass, their bodies rubbing together. Nothing but sheer lace and thin cotton between them now, Jinkx lets her hand drift around to the front of Alaska’s thong.

She looks into Alaska’s eyes, sliding her fingers down, finding her clit and gently stroking it.

Alaska is tense at first, self-conscious for a minute about how wet she is, and then as Jinkx touches her clit, everything in her mind turns to mush. Jinkx dips her head, sucking hard on one of her nipples, and Alaska whimpers in response. She pinches the other nipple, sparks ripping through her body like fire. Wave after wave of pleasure courses through her body, and still she wants more. 

“Want me to keep going, Lasky?” Jinkx asks.

Alaska manages to stop panting for long enough to choke out, “Yes…yes, yes!”

Jinkx withdraws her hand and Alaska whines loudly. She licks her wet fingers and lays Alaska down on her back, moving down to pull her panties off. Jinks hovers over her, pushing her knees up so that she’s butterflied open.

Alaska arches upward again, whimpering and straining.

Jinkx strokes her thighs, trying not to think about what made her scar that beautiful skin.

“What do you want, Lasky? Tell me what you want.” She presses kisses to Alaska’s inner thighs, from her knees all the way up, nuzzling her face gently into the joint above her thigh.

Alaska is almost in tears, “I want you to…to…”

“Yes?”

“Lick me, lick my pussy, please Jenny.”

Jinkx complies, first letting her tongue just barely graze Alaska’s clit, then lifting her head, blowing gently on her. Alaska grabs her by the hair and tries to force her head back down, and Jinkx looks up at her, smirking.

“Greedy,” she murmurs, trailing fingers down Alaska’s stomach as she humps the air fruitlessly.

Alaska whimpers in response, and Jinkx spreads her open. She slowly licks her from the bottom all the way up. When her tongue passes over Alaska’s clit, she arches up, whimpering, “oh my god oh my god.”

Jinkx smiles against her and licks her again twice until she’s panting, then finally concentrates on her clit, sucking on it. Alaska moans.

She goes back to licking softly, testing out how Alaska’s body responds to different strokes of her tongue. Circles better than side to side, up and down better still. Licking with a firm tongue better than a soft, flat one. Sucking on it causes moaning and writhing and hands pulling her hair.

Alaska’s thighs press against her ears. She’s stuffed the corner of a pillow into her mouth to stop from screaming, but Jinkx can hear her muffled, enthusiastic moaning and sucks harder. Alaska arches up again and again, heels digging into her back, hands grasping her hair. She pushes against Jinkx’s mouth, overtaken by convulsions as she comes, holding the back of her head. Jinkx continues sucking her through her orgasm, lapping her up like dessert. When Alaska’s muscles finally go slack and she lays back against the pillow, Jinkx kisses her all the way up her stomach, her chest, to her face. That beautiful face with the big brown eyes, wide pink lips still parted in ecstasy.

Jinkx strokes her hair, kissing her softly. Alaska slides her hands into Jinkx’s white cotton underpants and feels her soft, round ass. She squeezes the tender flesh, pushing the panties down Jinkx’s legs. Jinkx lifts her hips slightly, helping with one hand and wriggling out of the underwear. Alaska is starting to breathe heavily again, color rising to her cheeks.

Jinkx lowers her hips carefully, watching Alaska’s face for any sign of protest. She holds onto Jinkx’s ass, pulling Jinkx down against her. Jinkx is practically swooning. She lays down on top of Alaska, not even pressing down, just relying on gravity, her heart beating faster than it ever has.

Alaska is already hot and bothered, wet and ready for more. She arches up against Jinkx again, wrapping her legs around her waist, rubbing their clits together. “Please Jenny,” she whispers, rolling her hips up against the redhead.

Jinkx slides a hand down to caress her chest, thumbing her nipple as they grind against each other. Their lips barely touch. Jinkx can feel her cheeks burning, the tightening down below getting unbearably warm, friction bringing her to the edge quickly. She envelops Alaska’s mouth with her own, kissing deeply, tongues wrapped around each other, as her chest heaves. Small moans escape her lips and she bears down against Alaska, who writhes beneath her, sliding their bodies together, euphoria coursing through her.

Jinkx buries her face in Alaska’s neck, sucking her skin gently. Even in her highly charged state, she is careful not to leave any marks. Alaska digs her fingers deep into Jinkx’s ass, whimpering and moaning as she comes again, her soft cries assisting Jinkx in her own orgasm. She shudders against her beautiful girlfriend, body wracked with rapturous bliss, trying desperately not to rub so hard against her that she hurts her.

They lay together afterwards, sweaty and wet and panting, curled into each other’s bodies, one of Alaska’s long legs tucked in between Jinkx’s thighs. Their foreheads are pressed together and Jinkx strokes her arms with a slow, soothing motion. Alaska purrs against her. They catch each other’s eyes and Alaska giggles slightly. Jinkx kisses her on the lips, softly but with firm, careful pressure, one hand threaded into her messy hair while the other continues to dance up and down her arm. Alaska’s eyes flutter closed again.

“Hey, Lasky?”

“Hmmm?”

“I want to ask you to please…do me a favor,” she whispers.

“I’ll do anything,” Alaska murmurs.

Jinkx hesitates. “Please…please don’t hurt yourself anymore. I can’t…just please.”

Alaska’s eyes fly open and meet Jinkx’s, which are wet with tears. Her heart pounds. “Okay, Jenny.”

“I will help you, alright? Anything you need, any time, any place…I’m here for you. Promise me you’ll come to me if you are feeling badly…”

Alaska nods, as Jinkx pulls her even closer, she body relaxing even as Alaska’s mind churns. She can keep this promise. She will. She has to. She clings to Jinkx’s shoulders, letting out a shaky breath.


	14. TOW Junior Miss and Sticky Bathroom Floors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Alyssa becomes pageant coach to an improbable young lady, and Shane gets drunk for the first time.

Jinkx pulls into the driveway of Alaska’s rambling old house, feeling a little nervous. She’s never been to this house, or met her latest stepfather. He’s a big shot lawyer and local politician, one of those old Creole families that runs everything in town. Alaska’s mother has done pretty well with this one. She was…well, Jinkx would never use the word “gold digger” because she was raised right. A nicer word for it would be “social climber.”

The veranda is wide and huge and wraps around the whole house. Jinkx eyes the swing, the ornate white wrought-iron table and chairs. This place looks like a doll house. She rings the bell and is greeted warmly by Cory, Alaska’s brother. Jinkx can’t believe how grown-up he looks now. He’s in 8thgrade, and the last time she saw him, a year ago at their school play, he still had chubby cheeks and baby fat. He appears about a foot taller now, with sparkling brown eyes just like Alaska, and a killer smile that Jinkx knows must be devastating all the girls in his class.

“Jinkx!” he cries, and throws his arms around her. They are both a little surprised that he’s now taller than her. He invites her in and mutters “Mom and Alaska are sort of fighting. You can come watch TV with me if you want.”

“Thanks, Cor. Maybe I can find her though? Diffuse the tension?”

“I think they’re in the kitchen.”

Jinkx creeps towards the kitchen, straining to hear. As she gets closer, she does in fact hear arguing.

“…don’t understand why you’re being so DIFFICULT—“

“Because I don’t want to do a beauty pageant!”

“—About this and it’s not a beauty pageant, stop being so self-righteous—“

“Right it’s a scholarship program but only pretty girls ever win. Whatever.”

“You know it wouldn’t KILL YOU to get off your high horse and try something new!”

“Something new like what your stupid new friends from the country club do? I don’t care about them and I don’t care about—“

“Jennifer!”

“Huh?” Alaska is thrown off, and turns around.

Mrs. T smiles brightly at Jinkx, who just slowly opened the door. “So lovely to see you, my dear! Maybe you can help here. Alaska thinks she wouldn’t win Junior Miss. Can you please tell her that she is beautiful and talented and just as deserving of any of those other girls?”

“You are beautiful and talented and just as deserving of—“

Alaska grabs Jinkx by the arm and drags her out of the kitchen. “Nice try, mom, see you later.”

Upstairs, Alaska paces anxiously around her room. Which, even though it’s in a new house, still has all of the same things from the last place she lived. Her ruffly pink canopy bed. Her collection of carousel horses. A collage on the wall of pictures of cute boys from Tiger Beat and Teen Magazine. That’s a nice touch. Jinkx clocks quite a few pictures of Jonathan Taylor-Thomas and smirks, thinking to herself that she looks a little like him.

 “Lasky. Calm down. She can’t make you do it if you don’t want to.”

“It’s just so fucking infuriating. Just because she married this guy, she thinks she has to do everything his friends do. She’s like, turning into the worst kind of rich asshole.”

“If I can be honest, Lasky, your mom was always kind of a rich asshole. She just didn’t have the money for the ‘rich’ part until now.”

Alaska bursts out laughing and sprawls next to her on the bed. “You’re totally right.”

Jinkx plays with her hair. “I’m not saying she’s right, but if you did do it…you’d win.”

Alaska rolls her eyes. “In what universe am I winning a beauty pageant? Alyssa won last year and then she won State too. She’s the kind of girl who wins. Which was cool because she could actually USE a scholarship unlike most of the dumb bitches who do that contest.”

“First of all, you are just as beautiful and charming as Alyssa—“

“Ha!”

“It’s true! And like, I know she is a great dancer, but you’re a great singer and a great actress and you could totally do it.”

Alaska bolts up in the bed. “Jinkx. Oh my god. YOU should do it.”

“Uhhhhh…”

“Come on! You can sing, and you’re a great public speaker, and you have perfect grades. You’d definitely win talent and academics and interview, and what else is there? Oh, the ‘fitness’ thing. Well…we’ll figure that out. We can say you do yoga or something. Or you can take a dance class again. Omigod!” She claps her hands excitedly.

Every fiber of her being tells Jinkx to say no, but seeing Alaska’s grin, her eyes dancing with glee, she instead offers, “This might be the worst idea you ever had, but you’re so excited about it that I feel like I’m gonna say yes. Oy vey.” Jinkx covers her face with her hands.

Alaska is already dialing a number on her pink princess phone.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m hiring a pageant coach.”

“I thought you were gonna coach me.”

“No, I’m like your manager and—hello, Mrs. Edwards? This is Alaska. Is Alyssa there?” She waits for Alyssa to get on the line, hopping excitedly from one foot to the other.

_“Hey girl! What’s up?”_

“Alyssa, listen, how would like to be a pageant coach for the next Junior Miss of Jefferson Parish?

_“YES! OMIGOD, YES! So your mom finally convinced you to do it? Oh my gosh, I’m so excited!”_

“Not, uh, not me. I have another contestant for you but she’s a ringer.”

_“Who?”_

“Jinkx.”

A beat.

“Alyssa? Are you there?”

Jinkx lays on the bed, laughing hysterically. “Poor Alyssa.”

_“Is she there? Put her on the phone.”_

Alaska hands the receiver to Jinkx. “She wants to talk to you.”

“Heyyyyy Alyssa! This was not my idea, you know. Alaska is the mastermind here.”

_“But are you serious about doing it?”_

“I mean, sure, why not? They claim that it’s more about academics and interview and all that so—“

_“Well yeah but that’s a little bit…like bullcrap. It’s still a pageant. I agree with Lasky though, you could totally kill it. But like, you’re gonna let me do your hair and makeup and dress up in evening gowns and stuff?”_

“Alyssa, I’m an actor. So I will just play the role of Pageant Princess. I’m sitting on a pink canopy bed right now and I haven’t burst into flames yet, so I think it’ll be okay.”

_“Ha! Okay cool, I’m coming over.”_

“Wait, we don’t have to do this today…Alyssa?”

_Dial tone._

“She’s coming over.” Jinkx hangs up the phone, shaking her head.

“Shit. I wanted you all to myself today.” Alaska straddles Jinkx on the bed, grinning wickedly, and then leans down to kiss her. Her hands slide up inside her t-shirt. “Man, where did these come from?” she giggles, cupping Jinkx’ tits.

Jinkx blushes.

“I know, I hate them.”

“Why? I’d kill for bigger boobs.”

“I don’t know, I just…I don’t like them,” Jinkx tries to explain, but as Alaska runs her thumbs around her nipples, suddenly…she maybe doesn’t hate them as much as she thinks. “Fuck,” she whispers.

“Well,” Alaska says, grinding against her, “I like them…but I also liked you before. Basically I just like YOU.”

Jinkx lets out a small moan, getting quickly overheated from all of the stimulation.

“God, Lasky, you are so…” she pants, gripping Alaska’s hips, “…so fucking sexy.”

Alaska pushes her down on the bed and hovers over her, stroking her hair.

“I wish I could be with you all the time. I’m so sorry, about—“

“Please don’t apologize. You have to do what feels right for you.” Jinkx catches one of her hands and kisses her fingers.

“You feel right. Us together feels right. But I still just, I’m afraid of what everyone else—“

“Fuck everyone else. I don’t care. I don’t care who you tell, or when you tell, I just want you.”

Alaska smiles down at her, a little sadly.

“I’m gonna be really devastated when you realize I’m not worth any of this.”

Jinkx frowns and raises herself up on her elbows.

“Alaska. Please don’t talk like that.”

Alaska shifts her weight so that she’s on her side next to Jinkx, with only one leg still thrown over her. “It’s true, though. You’re going to figure out that I’m a lot more fucking trouble than you bargained for. I’m really…I’m really fucked up.”

Jinkx smoothes down her messy hair.

“Everyone is fucked up, honey. It doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of love. You happen to be the most lovable person I’ve ever met.”

“You say that now, but…” Alaska shakes her head.

Jinkx closes her eyes.

“Listen. Please. I love you, Lasky. I always have. I always will. Please believe me.” She runs a finger over Alaska’s lips.

“Me too, Jenny.”

Jinkx grins at her, kissing her hand again. She clears her throat.

“So, Alyssa is gonna be here soon. Should we pretend to be studying or something?”

Alaska laughs and rests her head on Jinkx’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry about Alyssa. You could literally be eating me out and she wouldn’t catch on.”

“Well in that case…” Jinkx pushes Alaska onto her back and attacks her as Alaska shrieks and giggles.

*****

Shane’s week of being grounded totally sucked. The weekend was especially bad, and by Tuesday they did resort to fucking in the backseat of Roy’s car during their lunch break. They really only planned to make out again, knowing the danger of getting caught at school, but Roy’s skin tasted so good, and Shane’s body was in overdrive after five days without him. And Roy was just so well-prepared, his glove box packed with condoms and a bottle of lube.

On Friday when the torture is over, they leave school and go back to Roy’s house for an afternoon of straight-up debauchery. Shane sucks Roy’s cock like it will save his life, and this time Roy doesn’t have to be shouted at in order to pound him roughly the way he wants.

Afterwards, they lie on their backs, panting and sweaty.

“So,” Roy says breathlessly, “Is this ‘give it to me rough’ thing gonna become a pattern?”

Shane laughs airily.

“I mean, maybe not EVERY time, but…do you mind?”

“Not…especially. It would be nice to be romantic sometimes, though.”

Shane hides his face against Roy’s shoulder.

“Sorry.”

“But as long as I get to treat you like a delicate flower afterwards…” Roy says, trailing kisses down Shane’s chest and stomach.

“Yeah, okay, I can agree to—“

Both boys suddenly bolt upright at the loud pounding on Roy’s door.

“SODOMY POLICE OPEN UP!” yells a deep voice.

The door flies open, banging against the wall, and Shane shrieks and dives under the covers.

Laughing, Katya closes the door behind them as she bounds down the stairs behind Willam.

“Dear fucking god, it smells like a bathhouse in here,” Willam proclaims, “Looks like the Sodomy Police missed all the fun.”

“You know, most people FUCKING KNOCK!” Roy says, leaning over the bed to pick up a pair of pants from the floor.

“Yeah, but Katya and I were raised by wolves. You know this, Daddy.”

Katya climbs onto the bed, finding Shane’s outline and slapping him on the ass. “We see you Shanie, you hot little piece. Come out, we brought you a present.”

Shane pokes his head out of the covers.

“I’m naked,” he whispers, blushing furiously and then hiding again.

“Yeah, it’s fine, most people fuck naked. I was sort of hoping to catch you in the act,” Katya admits. She kisses his head through the sheets.

“Can y’all please tell us what the fuck you’re doing here?” Roy whines, buckling his belt.

“We have a really great cum-stain remover, we thought you guys would want free samples,” Willam snarks.

Katya laughs uproariously and high-fives her cousin. Roy crosses his arms.

“Seriously, you both have 30 seconds before I pick you up and throw you out the front door.”

Willam shivers, “Ooh, Daddy, I love your dirty talk.”

“I’M SERIOUS, ASSHOLE!”

Katya laughs again.

“Just show them, dude.”

Shane comes out a little bit from under the covers.

Willam pulls two small cards out of his pocket and presents them to Roy with a dramatic flourish. “Ta da! Two genuine fake IDs. Sorry, you are now Philly trash like me.”

Katya claps her hands.

“Now we can go to that club Willam told us about!”

“What do you mean ‘we,’ bitch?” Roy asks. “You can’t come.”

“What do you mean I can’t come?!” Katya shrieks.

“It’s a gay bar,” Roy explains, like he’s talking to a slow 5-year-old.

“SO WHAT? I love homos!” Katya crosses her arms.

“Okay, tell you what. You eat some pussy before tomorrow night, and then you can come.”

“How about instead, we dress Shane like a girl again and I’ll fuck him with a strap-on?” Katya grins.

Shane laughs nervously, wondering why that suggestion makes a slight shiver run through him.

*****

The bouncer only gives Shane a little grief at the door.

“He looks 12.”

“He gets that all the time,” Roy says, pretending to laugh and putting an arm around him.

“I use a really expensive moisturizer,” Shane offers.

“What’s your sign?”

“Capricorn,” Shane says quickly.

The bouncer rolls his eyes and lets them all in.

Katya, who is driving, gets a ginger ale. (This was Roy’s idea, when they agreed she could come. “Straight bitch has to be the designated driver.”) She doesn’t mind though; she’s mostly just excited to see Shane get drunk for the first time. She tells Willam to order him a Long Island iced tea. Willam laughs and does so, along with two tequila shots and a rum and coke. Roy orders something called Alizé.

“What the shit is that?” Willam asks, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s like…passion fruit liqueur and cognac.”

“So you just want to advertise that you’re underage?”

“Fuck off, I like sweet drinks. I’m half Cuban.”

Their drinks come and Willam slides a shot down to Shane.

“Here, baby, drink this.”

Katya laughs and claps her hands.

“That is totally the official game of tonight!”

“What is?” Roy hands some cash to the bartender.

“Here baby, drink this.”

Willam laughs.

“Yes! Baby, you have to drink whatever we give you. Starting with this shot.”

Shane looks uncertain.

Willam grabs Roy’s hand.

“You’re gonna lick salt off Daddy’s hand first.”

Shane laughs, “Okay, I might like this game,” he says, taking Roy’s hand with a devious look in his eye.

Roy shakes his head and picks up his own drink, trying to suppress his smile.

Willam shakes some salt onto Roy’s hand, and his own.

“Okay, we lick the salt, we slam the shot, and then we suck on the limes. Got it?”

“Lick, slam, suck. Got it, Bill.”

Shane and Willam do their shots while Katya and Roy watch, laughing. Katya leans over the bar to order another round.

“Here baby, drink this…again!”

Shane slams back another shot.

“That is really disgusting,” he says. “The only good part is Roy.”

Willam snickers and hands him the Long Island iced tea.

“Here baby, drink this.”

They carry their drinks the dance floor, where Katya laughs at Shane getting more and more handsy with Roy, the alcohol quickly going to his head. She tries to get in on the action and spins Shane around, grinding up against him.

Willam heads to the bar to get another round. As he’s ordering, Roy comes up beside him.

“…and another one of those fruity yellow things my friend likes,” Willam tells the bartender, smirking at Roy. “Wanna do a shot?”

Roy shrugs. “Sure.”

“And two tequila shots.”

The bartender slides the shots to them first. Roy sprinkles salt onto his own hand but before he knows what hit him, Willam grabs his hand and licks it, downing his shot. He sucks on the lime and grins impishly at Roy.

“Thanks, Daddy.”

Roy rolls his eyes and slams his own shot.

“You’re such a spaz,” he says, sliding some cash over the bar and taking the drinks for himself and Shane.

Willam pays for the rest and watches him head back to the dance floor. He groans under his breath.

“You like him, huh?” the bartender smirks at Willam.

“What? No! I’m just drunk. Shut up.”

“Riiiiight.”

Willam frowns and grabs the other drinks, ignoring the bartender’s knowing wink. He hears several people chanting “HERE BABY, DRINK THIS!” along with Katya and Roy as Shane starts to chug the Long Island iced tea, clearly too far gone now to care about the taste. Katya claps her hands, excited that Roy is playing along with their game.

She turns to Willam, delighted.

“You can tell Shane is already drunk, because it took him 3 full seconds to slap my hands away when I grabbed his ass.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Willam says, handing her the ginger ale, “Since I don’t really want a black eye tonight.”

Roy and Shane are both ready for the next round soon, and Roy returns with two glasses of his Alizé.

“Here baby, drink this,” he says, kissing Shane on the head.

“This is DELICIOUS!” Shane slurs. “I like this one way the most. You’re the bessst boyfriend ever.” He wraps his arms around Roy and starts kissing him, practically climbing up his body.

“Baby’s wasted,” Willam declares, and Katya nods gleefully.

They watch as Shane and Roy make out furiously.

“Come on,” Willam pulls Katya away, and she resists.

“God, they are so hot. I just want to jump in the middle of that,” she says.

“Ew.”

“Oh please, you do too, whore.”

“I mean…maybe a little,” Willam admits. “But threesomes with two bottoms are kinda boring.”

Katya laughs and drapes her arm around him.

Back on the dance floor, the base pulses through Shane’s body, vibrating up through the floorboards. He presses against Roy, intoxicated by the colors, the lights, the rhythm, Roy’s scent…and of course the booze. Which is making his head buzz and his tongue feel thick and fuzzy.

“I fuckin’ love you,” he tries to whisper but it comes out a slurry yell.

“I love you too,” Roy says, tightening his arms around him, aware that he’s basically holding him upright. Shane’s face is buried in his neck and he is half-licking, half-kissing him.

Shane lifts his head to take another sip of his drink and sways.

“Lesss get married,” he suggests.

“Sure. Tomorrow.”

“Am serious. But…oh jeez. Who would wear the dress?”

“You can, baby.”

Shane starts laughing and then someone bumps into him, causing him to spill his drink. His mouth falls open.

“Oh no! My mum is gonna be so mad, look at this mess!”

Roy drags him off the dance floor.

“Okay, I think we’re done here.” Roy deposits Shane into the velvety booth where Katya and Willam are cackling over god knows what.

“Aww, is baby having trouble holding his alcohol?”

“Baby is having trouble holding his head up.” Roy puts his arm around Shane, letting him lean against his chest.

 “Hey Shanie! How you feeling, honey? You like those drinks?”

“I feel great, Katie, thankss ever so.”

“Yeah? What do you wanna do now?”

“Well, Katie, I kinda wanna get fucked.”

Katya sips her ginger ale.

“You heard him, Roy, whip it out!”

“His dick is the besst,” Shane sighs happily.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Roy smiles through gritted teeth.

“Don’t be ‘mbarrassed, babe,” Shane says, giggling, planting a sloppy kiss on Roy’s mouth. He turns back to Willam and Katya and tries to whisper again. “Iss HUGE!”

Willam and Katya laugh uproariously while Roy’s cheeks burn.

“Shane, seriously,” Roy says.

“I am serious. Huge. But ‘t doesn’t hurt anymore. Esssept when there’s no lube.”

“Shane! Jesus!” Roy covers his face.

“Well, don’t worry. There’s pretty much always lube. I’m fine.”

Willam snickers.

“Yeah we were pretty worried. Glad your asshole is okay, baby.”

“Thanks, Bill. You’re a sweet kid. I dunno why Roy hates you.”

“Shane, you REALLY need to stop talking.”

“Please don’t!” Katya begs, and then with a devilish wink, “So does Roy give good head?”

“Oh my god, Katie, yes. His tongue is—“

Roy claps his hand around Shane’s mouth from behind.

“Okay, baby, it’s time for you to play the quiet game for a little bit.”

“Ooooh, Daddy’s maaad.”

Roy removes his hand, glaring at Willam.

“S’rry Daddy,” Shane says, chagrined. 

Roy rolls his eyes and slides out of the bench.

“I’m gonna go get another drink.”

“Get me another too, Daddy!” calls Willam.

“Me too Daddy!” Shane echoes, and they both dissolve into giggles. Shane slides out of the booth. “Imma go pee now.”

“Great idea!” Katya exclaims, as Shane stumbles towards the bathroom. She gestures for Willam to follow. “You should keep an eye on him.”

“I don’t think Daddy is gonna want me to go into the bathroom with his boyfriend.”

Katya rolls her eyes.

“You think he’d rather have these other random dudes in there with him? He looks like an altar boy and he’s practically blackout. Go make sure he’s okay.”

Willam sighs, “Yes, ma’am.” He downs the rest of his drink and gets up apprehensively. When he glances back at Katya, she’s making eyes at a young lesbian couple in the next booth. He shakes his head, cackling a little under his breath.

*****

“Baby? You in here?” Willam enters the bathroom and sees Shane standing at one of the urinals, ass completely out. “Jesus Christ, Shane, why are your pants off?”

“My fly’s too tricky.” Shane finishes and tries to pull up his pants, but stumbles backwards.

Willam catches him. “You’re a fucking mess, baby.”

“I know. Help me.”

Willam grits his teeth and pushes Shane against the wall. How the fuck did he become the babysitter? He closes his eyes as he pulls up Shane’s underwear. Somehow in his drunken state, this makes him feel less pervy about it, although it also means he’s slower and fumbling a little. He opens his eyes again once they are in place, and kneels down to pull up Shane’s jeans, which are practically at his ankles. Shane clutches his shoulders to keep himself steady.

“Bill, stop spinning.”

Of course, that would be when Roy walks into the bathroom.

“What the FUCK is going on in here?” he bellows.

Willam sighs.

“Goddamn it.”

Roy yanks Willam up by the arm.

“If you fucking touched him, Willam, I swear to god I will—“

Willam raises his arms up innocently.

“Hey, whoa, no, that is NOT what happened. Baby decided to strip butt-ass naked to pee, and I was just helping him put his clothes back on. Okay? I didn’t want some old man to come in and kidnap him and ship him off to Thailand.”

Roy’s fingers itch to punch him in the face, but somehow he also believes him. He lets go of his arm and shoves him lightly.

“You better be telling the truth, dickhead.”

“Scouts’ honor, Daddy! Come on, you know I’m not generous enough to give a blow job if I’m not getting anything in return.”

Roy crosses his arms.

“Not funny.”

Willam groans.

“Seriously! You know what they say…what do you call two drunk faggot bottoms in a public bathroom together?”

“What?”

“Just friends.” Willam smiles innocently.

Roy snickers in spite of himself. While they are talking, Shane slides slowly down the wall and crumples to the ground, holding his stomach. Roy turns towards him, all thoughts of Willam forgotten.

“Shane! Shit, are you okay?”

Shane groans.

“Why’s the floor so sticky? It smells bad down here.” He covers his mouth with his hand. “Ohhhh.”

Roy picks him up off the ground.

“Come here. Shane, open your eyes. Fuck.”

Shane leans against him.

“Imma be sick,” he mumbles. Roy turns him around to lean over the sink. He slides his hand under his shirt and rubs his back while Shane retches.

Willam watches them, wondering if anyone will ever give enough of a fuck about him to take care of him like that. Probably not. Whatever. He makes a face and starts backing away.

“Well, this feels like a couple moment. I’m gonna go—“

“Willam, get your fucking ass back here and give me your sweatshirt.” Roy helps Shane rinse his mouth and holds a wet paper towel against the back of his neck.

“Why? I love this sweatshirt.”

“Because I can’t take him home in a shirt soaked with piss,” Roy explains, pulling Shane’s pants up and fastening the fly

Grumbling, Willam hands over the dark green hoodie.

“I want that back.”

Roy helps Shane out of his soiled shirt, then eases him into Willam’s sweatshirt.

“No more taking off your pants to pee, okay?”

Shane slumps against him.

“Sorry Daddy.”

“Okay, you really need to knock it off with that Daddy shit.”

“Okay sorry.”

“I think we need to sober you up before we take you home,” he says, kissing Shane’s forehead. “Let’s go find Katya and get out of here.”

Roy half-carries Shane out of the bathroom and back into the club, where they see Katya making out with two girls in the corner of the dance floor. Roy whispers something in Shane’s ear, and Shane tugs on her arm, saying, “Mummy, we need to go. I want pancakes.”

Katya hops off the speaker, ruffling Shane’s hair. The dark-haired girl who’d been sucking on her neck looks irritated.

“Don’t be upset,” Willam tells her. “This whore is not even gay; she just likes attention.”

“Bye ladies! Thanks for showing me that tongue thing!” Katya sings, and glides towards the door.

The boys follow, Roy still with his arm tucked around Shane protectively, and Willam trailing behind, the chilly night air a reminder of his nagging loneliness. He sighs and pushes all the dumb self-pity from his mind.

“Wait up, cocksuckers.”


	15. TOW the SEX Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy gives Shane a driving lesson, with extra incentive, and then the group peruses Madonna's SEX book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Rating: Explicit

Shane maybe regrets telling Roy that he’s never been behind the wheel of a car. He doesn’t totally remember how they ended up in this abandoned parking lot, with Roy insisting that he can teach him to drive in the hour they have before heading to Katya’s…but here they are. Fuck.

“Okay, so your seatbelt is on?” Roy asks.

“Yes,” Shane responds.

“Parking brake is off?”

“Yup.”

“Check the mirrors.”

“Okay…”

“Alright, so just slowly take your foot off the break.”

Shane takes a deep breath and lifts up his foot. As the car rolls forward, he lets out a little yelp.

“There you go! Press the gas pedal really gently. Remember, you can’t go too fast, we’re in a parking lot…Okay, you can go faster than that, it’s empty. Why don’t you try turning right?”

“I don’t know how to turn!” Shane shrieks.

“Just take your foot off the gas, step on the break gently to slow a little, and turn the wheel, baby. There you go,” Roy assures him, “Now let the wheel slide back into place and take your foot off the break while the car straightens out. Yeah, good job! You can give it some gas again.”

Roy looks over at him, gritted teeth and hands gripping the wheel.

“Baby, relax, we’re going like 15 miles an hour,” he soothes, putting a hand on his thigh.

Shane slams on the brakes and the car screeches to a halt. “DON’T DO THAT WHILE I’M CONCENTRATING!”

Roy pulls his hand back, suppressing a laugh. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Go ahead, I promise to keep my hands to myself. Maybe try a left turn now.”

Shane sighs, “This is exhausting. Can we park the car and just make out in the back seat?”

“You drive over to that space by the trash cans, and park between the lines, and I’ll suck your dick. But you have to be between the lines.”

Shane perks up, “I love driving lessons!” He presses the gas harder.

“Slow down!”

“Oops. Sorry.”

*****

Shane bounds down the stairs to Katya’s family room while Roy saunters behind him. Willam greets them at the bottom of the stairs, grabbing a soda from the mini-fridge.

“Hey Bill!” Shane slaps Willam on the back and then somersaults over the couch to sit next to Katya.

Willam raises an eyebrow at Roy.

“Hey guys. Wow, daddy, you sure have some dick breath. No wonder baby is so happy.”

Shane grins smugly on the couch as Katya high-fives him. Roy, slightly embarrassed, snatches the root beer out of Willam’s hands and starts drinking it.

“I wasn’t complaining,” Willam shrugs, taking another soda for himself and flopping down into an armchair.

Roy joins Shane and Katya on the sofa, as laughter from the stairs drifts down. Alyssa and Alaska come skipping down, chattering.

“Hey guys!” calls Katya. “How are the pageant lessons going?”

“Surprisingly well, actually!” Alyssa enthuses. She sits down on the floor while Alaska perches on the arm of the sofa beside Katya.

Katya giggles. “And Jinkx is gonna be a pretty little princess?”

“You mean Jennifer Lauren?” Alyssa corrects her, grinning, “Yes, she’s gonna be awesome.”

Katya puts an arm around Alaska. “I’m happy that Alyssa has a new doll, but I’m even happier that you’re connecting with her again.”

Alaska blushes. “Yeah, well. You know.”

Katya turns to Shane, “You don’t understand, those two used to be fucking inseparable. Alaska lived next door to me for a few years, and Jinkx practically lived there too. The only time she wasn’t over was when Lasky was at her house. You know, you could have invited her today. She’s always welcome.”

“Oh, well…um, she had plans with Ivy today, so…”

“Ivy, huh? Do you think something is going on between those two?”

“Why would you say that?” Alaska asks, eyes narrowing slightly.

“I dunno, they’re both cute gingers, and isn’t it a thing where lesbian couples always look alike?”

“Ivy has a boyfriend,” Alyssa chimes in, rolling her eyes.

“Well, whatever. I was just hoping for Jinkx’ sake that she was getting some action. Because, you know, I like Jinkx.”

Alaska huffs.

“Don’t be homophobic, Lasky. She’s your friend. You should want her to get laid.”

Shane exchanges a furtive glance with Alaska. Sometimes Katya really is dense.

“OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS!” Katya suddenly cries, “I have something so awesome to show you, hang on!”

She leaps up from her seat and races into her bedroom, which is off the cozy family room.

“Do you know what this is about?” Roy asks Willam.

“No clue.”

Alyssa stretches. “If she brings out a hand mirror again, I’m going home.”

Alaska bursts out laughing as Katya sails back into the room, holding a bag. She whips out a large, flat package wrapped in a foil envelope.

Roy snickers, recognizing the packaging. “Where’d you get that?”

“Bookstore! My fake ID is good for more than alcohol.” Katya grins wickedly. “Everyone come sit on the couch.”

They all squish onto the sofa, Shane moving onto Roy’s lap.

Willam sees the cover emerging as Katya slips a large metal book out of the package. “Oh, fuck. Is this what you were buying this morning while I tried to get the Sam Goody dude to eat my ass?”

“Uh huh!”

“WHAT IS IT?” Alyssa screeches.

Katya sets the large book on the coffee table. The metal cover is plain except for the word SEX stamped in the center. “It’s Madonna’s SEX book.”

Alaska’s eyes bug out and Shane squeals excitedly. Alyssa looks skeptical. “Katya, are you showing us porn?”

“I mean it’s high-class porn. Why, you wanna leave?”

“Well…I can stay a little bit.” Alyssa giggles sheepishly.

Katya laughs and Shane claps his hands. “Open it!”

Roy hugs him from behind. “Why are you so excited about seeing pictures of a naked woman?” Roy asks.

“It’s not just a naked woman, it’s MADONNA! How are you NOT excited?”

“I think there’s a bunch of gay stuff, too,” says Willam.

“Okay, everyone shut up!” Katya opens the book and starts to read the text on the first page in a seductive voice. “ _This book is about sex. Sex is not love. Love is not sex. But the best of both worlds is created when they come together—_ “

“Ugh, Madonna, gag me. Get to the fucking,” says Willam.

Katya scans the rest of the page. “Aw, there’s a thing about safe sex saving lives. Kids, listen to Madonna and use condoms.” She turns the page, and reads some more. “ _My name is Dita. I’ll be your mistress tonight…._ blah blah blah,” she skips to the end, “ _I’ll give you love, I’ll hit you like a truck. I’ll give you love…_ ” Katya turns the next page and Alyssa’s mouth drops open. Katya smirks and lets the picture speak for itself. Madonna is in a black leather-studded bra and panties, with matching cuffs, finger in her mouth, circles open over her nipples.

Katya flips the page and it’s Shane’s turn to gape delightedly. Madonna is tied up and two girls with shaved heads attend to her. At first Shane thinks they are boys. He grips Roy’s thigh.

“Really?” Roy says. “Three women? That’s what does it for you?”

Shane giggles and leans back against Roy’s chest. The next page is more with Madonna and the two girls. In the first picture, her tits are out. “Man, her nipples are tiny,” Katya comments.

Alyssa sighs in relief. “I thought I was the only one thinking that. Like I was weird or something.”

“Nah, mine are the size of dinner plates compared to this,” Katya assures her. She continues to flip the pages, noticing that Alaska’s cheeks are pink. “You like this, Lasky?”

“I mean, it’s…cute.” Alaska blushes deeper.

On the next page, there’s guy in leather holding down a woman, while Madonna flogs her with a whip. Willam perks up. “Yeah, okay Daddy, take off your pants!”

Katya giggles and holds the book towards Alyssa. “You read the doctor’s part!”

Alyssa rolls her eyes and reads, “ _Do you feel that it is possible to feel pleasure and pain at the same time?_ ”

Katya laughs as she answers in Dita’s breathy voice, “ _Sure! That’s what ass-fucking is all about. It’s the most pleasurable way to get fucked and it hurts the most too._ ”

“Dita knows her shit, eh baby?” Willam smirks at Shane.

Katya continues, “ _All your nerve endings are in your ass, but if you’re not excited, or if you’re not doing it right, things can really go wrong._ ”

Shane buries his face in Roy’s neck, giggling.

Willam pokes Katya in the arm. “Okay, enough of this, flip to the gay stuff.”

Roy chuckles, for once agreeing with Willam.

Katya pages through the book, pointing out Madonna eating a guy’s ass. “What do you think?”

“Still not gay enough!” Willam demands.

Katya pauses on Madonna painting red lipstick on a boy with killer cheekbones. She winks at Shane. “It’s me and you, baby.”

Shane laughs as Katya keeps turning the pages. “HOLD!” yells Willam. “Here we go.”

“I’ve never seen someone spot a dick so fast,” Roy says.

The picture is a bunch of naked guys, with Madonna smirking at the camera in the foreground.

“Ew, you can see that one’s balls from behind!” Alyssa shrieks. “Jeez, are they always that big?”

“How are you focusing on his nuts when he’s pushing his ass out like that, Alyssa?” asks Roy.

Shane turns around to give him a look.

“What? You were excited by the lesbian threesome, I can’t look at an ass?”

“I like the uncut cock, myself,” Willam announces.

“Yeah, I’ve never seen an uncut one before,” Katya examines the page. “I really like it.”

Roy cuddles Shane closer, whispering, “Me too,” into his ear. Shane shivers delightedly.

Katya flips to a page where all the same guys are making out in pairs, naked save for combat boots. “Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.”

In the next one, five of the guys are lined up in the background, asses out, while an older man with dark hair nuzzles the jaw of a younger blonde guy, who straddles him naked. “Aww, look, it’s Daddy and baby. I mean, same age difference,” Willam laughs.

“Fuck you, cunt,” says Roy.

“That guy looks more like you, Bill,” Shane comments, “Find your own Daddy.” He rubs his head against Roy’s neck.

“What is Madonna holding? Is that some kind of whip?” asks Alyssa.

“It’s a riding crop,” Alaska explains.

“Lasky, you kinky bitch!” Katya cries, delighted.

“No, I just ride horses,” Alaska says, laughing.

Katya pages forward and comes to an image of Madonna in the ocean with long, beachy Brigitte Bardot-style hair, kneeling in the sand. “Heyyy, look Alaska, you’re here too!” On the opposite page, Isabella Rossellini, in a man’s suit and slicked back hair, caresses the face of a younger topless girl.

Alyssa breathes a sigh of relief. “See, HER nipples are normal sized.”

“You like that, Alyssa?” she turns the page to reveal more lesbian scenes with the three of them, plus another woman with short dark hair who causes Alaska to shift around again.

“What? No, shut up!”

“Come on, honey, it’s okay to be curious. You should kiss me,” Katya entices, nuzzling her shoulder.

“No!” Alyssa pushes her off, laughing.

Roy shakes his head. “Jesus, Katya, you’re really into this whole ‘making out with girls’ thing.”

“So? Ohh, check this out, this describes a ‘dream’ Madonna has where she eats some girl out.” Katya shows the book to Alyssa, who covers her eyes. Alaska examines her nails, trying to look nonchalant.

Roy rolls his eyes. “No, I just mean, like, are you legit bisexual? Because I always thought you were just a greedy attention whore.”

Katya thinks about it for a minute and says “Uhhh…I don’t know. Maybe? Is that allowed? Does that bother you?”

“Of course not,” says Roy.

“Only if you keep trying to molest me!” Alyssa slaps Katya’s hand from her thigh.

Katya turns to make eyes at Alaska, who shakes her head. “No way, sorry bitch.”

“You liked it last time!” Katya whines, “How come nobody wants to kiss me?”

Shane leans over Alyssa’s lap and plants a long kiss on Katya’s open mouth.

In the meantime, Willam has taken the book from her and continued paging through. “Holy shit, is that Vanilla Ice? How come I never realized how hot he is?”

Shane breaks away from Katya to look at his slender, slightly muscular build. “Wow!”

“Shit, I thought that was Brian Austin Green,” Roy says.

“Oh my god, me too!” Alyssa laughs.

Katya snatches the book back and turns a few more pages. Madonna is engaging in another threesome. This time with Naomi Campbell and a handsome, beefy black man. “Hey Roy, look, it’s every dude you fucked before Shane!”

Roy sticks his tongue out at her.

“And speaking of asses…heyyyy Naomi!”

Roy laughs. “Okay, that’s a pretty nice ass. Even I can admit that.”

Katya flips forward to a series of Madonna doing some random things naked…like hitchhiking, filling a car with gas, eating a slice of pizza in a crowded pizzeria. Katya sighs happily. “She’s a fucking national treasure.”

“International treasure,” Shane agrees, pressing his ass against Roy’s crotch.

“I mean seriously though, she’s amazing. Who else would make a book like this?” Katya’s eyes are glazed over as she hugs the book to her chest.

“Think I could borrow it?” Shane wonders.

“Fuck no! This is a collector’s item! You’re not getting your grubby little cum-stained fingers anywhere near it.”

Shane bursts out laughing, curling up in Roy’s arms, happy and warm and safe. In his own skin.

“I could maybe make a book like that,” Alyssa says.

Katya grins at her. “Oh, really? With your many sexual partners?”

“It was just acting. I’m very flexible,” Alyssa tongue pops.

“Prove it,” Katya challenges.

Alyssa gets up and strides elegantly to the center of the room. She stands at a right angle to them, raising her arms and pointing her toe in a lovely ballet pose. Then a wicked smirk passes over her face and she jumps, turning, landing on the carpet in a perfect split.

Katya shrieks, clapping her hands. “Omigod, show me how to do that!”

“Yes! I wanna learn too!” Shane cries, jumping up with Katya and helping Alyssa up.

“Okay,” Alyssa says, “first I have to see how flexible you are. Get into the splits.”

Katya slides slowly down into perfect splits, smirking at Alaska while she does it. Shane goes down too, almost all the way. Alyssa puts her hands on his shoulders and pushes him down the last inch to the floor.

“Careful!” Roy yells at her.

Alaska laughs. “I’d ask to be part of this lesson, but I’m ridiculously un-flexible.”

“Well don’t worry, Lasky, there’s always doggy style. You don’t need flexibility there.”

“I feel like doggie-style is more of like a ‘once in awhile’ type thing,” Shane muses, “You know, like just for variation.”

“That’s because you actually like the person you’re fucking, and probably want to see his face. Not all of us are that lucky,” Katya retorts. Willam raises his soda can to air-toast her.

“Oh. Right…sorry.” Shane winks at Roy.

*****

Later, when Shane’s parents go out for dinner, he lies with Roy in his bed, legs tangled together, kissing him lazily, running his hands through his thick, dark hair. Roy is a little tense, on edge, jumping at the slightest sounds.

“Will you please relax, babe?” Shane tries to soothe him.

“Sorry,” Roy says, “I’m sorry, but I keep thinking your parents are gonna come home early or something.”

“They just left like 10 minutes ago,” Shane laughs. “Calm down.” He forces Roy onto his back, drawing slow circles on his chest, pressing kisses to his jaw and neck. He kicks off his underwear and climbs on top of him, sitting with his ass firmly against Roy’s crotch. “Still worried?” he asks softly.

Roy grips the comforter and shakes his head no.

“Good.” Shane leans forward and brushes their lips together. “Now get me ready.”

Roy reaches for the bottle of lube on the nightstand without missing a beat. He pushes inside Shane with his finger, twisting it to spread the lube around, quickly adding a second.

“In a hurry tonight, are you?” Shane teases, tightening his muscles to slow Roy’s hand down.

“Baby, please…” Roy whimpers. He feels so horny but still anxious about time, and Shane laughs, relaxing so that Roy can keep working him.

Shane reaches behind himself to take Roy’s throbbing dick from his underwear, pumping a few times before reaching for a condom and rolling it on. He lines himself up and sits down hard on Roy’s dick, holding his body still for a few moments, lacing their fingers together.

Roy looks up at him though heavily-lidded eyes, pumping upwards, breath coming faster. Roy can feel himself losing his grip on reality. Shane’s skin feels warm against him, and he knows that his body is now moving subconsciously, in time with Shane’s as he rides him harder and harder.

Roy’s hands slip from Shane’s and slide up his body, rolling his nipples with his thumbs, then one hand moves back down and presses Shane’s dick against his stomach.

Shane lets out a long moan as he comes all over Roy’s chest, continuing to ride him until Roy grabs his hips to slow him down, straining upwards. Roy comes with shuddering gasps, his chest heaving. He grabs Shane by the hair and pulls him down for a kiss, tongue invading his mouth. As Roy finishes riding the last wave, Shane collapses against him, eyes falling closed, breathing in his musky scent.

“Was I fast enough?” Shane asks sleepily. Roy pulls out and holds him close, kissing his temples and rubbing his ass in slow circles.

“You’re perfect. But I’m guessing you should set an alarm.”

Shane laughs.

“Go ahead, laugh, I’m not the one who freaked out the last time we fell asleep.”

Shane opens his eyes again and winces. “Shit.” He leans over and sets his alarm for one hour.

“An hour, huh?” Roy slides his arms around him from behind, “Hmmm, how do you want to spend that time?”

Shane grins, turning over onto his back and tangling his fingers in Roy’s hair. “I’m not feeling very creative. I can only think of one thing.”

Roy kisses him again, arms tight around his waist. “Okay, well then I guess we have no choice, do we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now, kids! Hope you enjoyed it. XOXO


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